Ok, I hate long intros so I will limit all comments, concerns, notes, to the end of this story.

DISCLAIMER: All Characters belong to Bioware, I own nothing (but believe me, if I did, James would have a much bigger role in Shep's cabin than just commenting on how "soft" it looks; preferably naked, covered in chocolate sauce). In addition, all mentions to Disney belong to Disney (obviously), and any other cultural references, yeah, you get it; I suck and don't have any original characters. ONWARD!

Chapter One: Names

Elsa Anna Shepard always hated her name. It was popular back in the 2000s when the classic animation, Frozen, was released. She'd seen the movie. It was cute, great for girly girls and little kids, but definitely not her thing. Her mother, on the other hand, loved it; even obsessed over it (support pages, fan fiction stories, even house decorations modeled after the film marked her childhood with her mother's obsession). Despite being a hard-hearted, dedicated soldier for the Alliance Navy, Hannah Shepard had a soft spot for princesses and classic Disney. Especially Frozen.

Thus the name. And, God, how dreadful it was. Every time someone called her by her given name, whether it was her mother, a teacher, or a friend, she wanted to march up to the supreme court and demand it be legally changed. It made her think of girly dresses, done up hair and faces, and weak-willed women; all the things Elsa strived to avoid and overcome.

Not that Frozen really reflected these themes entirely, there were some good lessons in there toward the end, but a lot of the stereotypes were still present. If she had to watch Disney classics, she would much rather go for the Princess and the Frog or Brave. Those were girls she could relate to. Strong, but still realistically female.

Her mother knew this, and was, luckily, not opposed to her daughter calling herself a wide array of names of her choosing. First it was Merida, after the alabaster-skinned mass of red curls that had taught her men aren't the end all be all; there's more to a girl's story than her suitor's looks and prowess in battle. That lasted for the first four years of her mandatory schooling. Then it was Katniss, Laura, Tiana, Elizabeth; each name adding a bit of the person behind it to the small little girl who desperately wanted to be like them.

It wasn't until she enlisted that she stopped hiding behind the names of others and actually made one for herself. Shepard became her new title. She was a soldier, then a leader, then a hero, all under the good name of the Alliance military; everything she'd aspired to be. She saved lives and made peace where she could, overcame her name, and accomplished all the things she'd dreamed of as a little girl, and more.

And then she died.

In her last moments, while the crushing lack of atmosphere in space pushed in against her armor and her oxygen mask slowly malfunctioned to complete uselessness, Shepard couldn't help but think that this was the perfect way to go out. She'd saved the galaxy and, in turn, millions of innocent lives. Going down with her ship was a fitting end to her legacy.

As her brain glossed over and her eyelids became heavy, her last thought was, strangely, of the beautiful princess Elsa standing over her kingdom in her elegant dress with the scepter indicating her royal title held regally in her hand. Then the world went dark.

There was fuzziness, then; small flashes of light, faces, and a lasting feeling of well-being. Even when she woke up and knew that Cerberus had brought her back, she couldn't be sure if those brief scenes of bliss were drug-induced hallucinations brought on by her gradual regaining of consciousness, or, perhaps, a quick peek at life beyond the living. Either way, Shepard was revived and the only thing she could focus on was the honorable death she'd been robbed of.

Now she had to take on the crushing responsibilities of her life once more, the fate of the galaxy (literally) resting on her shoulders with none of her trusted crew by her side, and all under the ruling of a terrorist organization she'd once had a hand in taking down. Garrus and Tali joining the crew did help to lessen the blow a bit, but she still longed for the quiet innocence of Liara, the brutish wisdom of Wrex, and the unassuming kindness of Kaidan. Her months on the SR-2 blurred together, a mixture of depression, incredible responsibility, and loneliness weighing her down with each passing day.

Shepard was an Alliance soldier through and through. She took pride in her badge and worked hard for the ranking of "Commander". The day she was awarded the Normandy was one of the happiest of her life. To be separated from that, from all the work she'd done to make a name for herself, one to be proud of, was complete torture.

She didn't seem deserving of the name Shepard anymore. That name was a symbol of a great woman who had overcome all barriers and saved the world, against all odds. She was a legend. Whoever she was after Cerberus brought her back...well, she wasn't sure who she was. But she didn't feel like Shepard anymore. She wasn't a kid anymore, though, so she couldn't just change her name on a whim like she did back in grade-school. So Shepard it was. And every time someone called her by that name, she mourned the loss of the woman who'd earned the respect it instilled in all those who uttered it.

Even after she destroyed the Collector Base, it seemed inappropriate. Sure she'd regained the legacy, but then Aratoht happened and the Shepard name was tarnished once more. Hundreds of thousands of lives lost, all because of her. Yes, it was necessary; she had no choice. But it didn't change the fact that it was her hand that had pressed the button. Those lives were her responsibility, and she'd let them all down. Not a day would go buy that she wouldn't think of the batarian colonists. Maybe if she'd gotten there earlier, if she had fought harder so as not to get sedated and lose those two days in the first place, she could have warned those civilians and saved those lives. But that was out of her control. What happened had happened, and no amount of "what if"s and "could have"s would change that fact. That didn't change how she felt about the name, however.

Shepard was a wholesome, good-willed Alliance soldier who saved lives. This new woman had been reduced to, as Garrus liked to put it, ruthless calculus. That was not honorable, not prideful; the two values the Shepard name most stood for. But she was stuck with it.

It wasn't necessarily that Shepard was now dishonorable or anything, but the woman behind the name had changed so much over the years, she wasn't even remotely the same person anymore. So when her new Lieutenant, a cocky soldier with a penchant for flirting and self-doubt, called her Lola, she didn't reprimand him. It was a welcome change; a new beginning. As was he.

If she was being honest with herself, she didn't really want to rekindle a relationship with Kaidan. Sure she'd waited for him, hadn't indulged in any of her new willing crew members, even after the events of Horizon. And when the suicide mission finally rolled around, instead of inviting someone up to her cabin to fill those lonely last hours with whatever cheap thrill she could find, she'd longed for Kaidan and hoped that, no matter what happened in the Omega-4 Relay, he may find it in himself to one day forgive her.

Looking back she realized she was just being melodramatic and resentful. Instead of making the most of what she thought were her last hours, Shepard sat there spitefully longing for a man she didn't actually want in that moment. If there was one thing she sought to protect more than the galaxy, it was her pride, and Kaidan had greatly damaged it when he threw those accusations at her on Horizon and made her second guess her own judgments and decisions. Any opportunity that came along for her to prove him wrong and make him regret his attitude toward her, you bet your ass Shepard was gonna take it.

So when their reunion finally came, an event she had been (and she would bet last year's salary he had too), building up in her mind for months, even years if you count the time she was in the land of the dead, it was anticlimactic and dissatisfying. He insulted her, she scolded him. She insulted him, he was cold to her. It was a cycle it seemed they would never escape from. But then he was hurt and all her doubts washed away, replaced with the remnants of the love she still felt for him as she feared for his very existence.

In that moment all the petty things they'd been fighting over, the things she'd been angry about and had been planning on throwing in his face, seemed to disapparate before her eyes. He was Kaidan. One of the very select few men she'd ever loved (Romantically at least, Garrus and Wrex both fell under the category of loved men, but she couldn't say she wanted either of them in her bed. She loved aliens and all, but had never really felt that nibbling curiosity at what was hidden beneath the heavy armor and family carapaces). For the longest time Shepard believed Kaidan was it for her; the man she would end up with. He was kind, considerate, a soldier like herself. He understood her and she understood him. They were so similar. It didn't take long for them to just get each other. They rarely fought, they always knew what to say to the other person. It was easy, and thoughtless, and just...Kaidan.

From that perspective, could she really blame him for being so angry when she joined Cerberus? One of their biggest connections was their joined loyalty for the Alliance. She disappears for two years, presumed dead, and the first thing he finds out is she's abandoned the one thing she swore she'd never betray, the thing they had most in common. Shepard would have been angry too, had the roles been reversed. But her temper got in the way and she couldn't see it that way and, well, the rest was history.

So when he was lying in that bed, bruised and bloody, the Huerta Memorial staff rushing around her, she remembered how easy it used to be. For a moment she could pretend it still was easy, too, with him out cold and vulnerable; innocent. She was so thankful when she found out he was going to be alright, and was anxious to visit him once more, but when his first message showed up in her email...it all came crashing down on her again. This wasn't the Kaidan she'd known on the SR-1, nor was she the Commander he'd loved.

She really did love Kaidan. He was from her original crew, they'd been through hell together, Ash's death; he was one of her best friends. Considering their history, she felt like she owed it to him to give it another chance.

All their conversations, though, their attempts at flirting; it seemed forced. That original easiness when it came to things romantic between them seemed to be gone. She was planning on breaking it off, saving them both the pain of rekindling a relationship that would never work, but something always seemed to get in the way. First he was too sick, she didn't want to upset him. Then he was going to be a Spectre, she didn't want to put a damper on his mood! Then her mission was too important to be worried about Kaidan being angry with her.

Eventually the Commander gave up and just resigned herself to being with Kaidan, even if she didn't feel that original spark anymore. He wasn't even close to the worst possible choice, and she still enjoyed being with him; would even say she still loved him. Besides, it wasn't like her chances were very good of making it out of this war in one piece, and being with someone you can certainly like was a lot better than being alone, or with somebody you don't like.

But then...then James had to go screw everything up.

The name he'd given her, Lola, cut through the cloudy haze that surrounded her life, offering a clear path of understanding. When she was around him, she could see clearly, could think clearly. She wasn't caught up thinking about all the ways in which she'd failed him or he'd disappointed her, like with Kaidan; she could actually enjoy herself. He was new, fresh, fun, exciting. It was a new beginning that she hadn't realized how much she needed until it was just within her reach.

Names had always been her vice. For others, they didn't seem so important; for her, they were everything. And he had gifted her the one thing she'd been longing for since she first woke up on that cold, hard Cerberus hospital bed with two years of her life stolen from her; a new one.

Author's Note:

IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ:

Ok, so that is the intro-thingy to this fic. I have a lot of ideas for this story and definitely plan on continuing it, but I won't really post regular updates unless I know there are people somewhere out there who are reading and waiting for new chapters. So if you read and liked Chapter One, post a review! It doesn't have to be super long and developed (although that is greatly appreciated), just any quick, little comment to let me know you're interested and want to see more and I will definitely try my best to crank out weekly chapters.

Not as important, but still recommended:

So this is actually the first story I'm posting on here. Not that it's really relevant, but it's big for me! It's definitely not the first fic I've ever written, not even remotely, but it's the first I've been brave enough to actually post online, for anyone to see. I am definitely not asking anyone to "go easy on me" or anything. Just because I've never posted fan fiction, doesn't mean I haven't published other things. I'm a big girl and I have experience in this so do not treat me any differently just because I'm a supposed "newbie" to this site. All criticism is welcome! My main goal, besides safely sharing my stories for anyone who decides to tune in, is to improve my writing! So any tips, changes, concerns you may have are very welcome! :)

Also, if I do find that people are interested and I decide to continue, the rating on this may eventually be upped to Mature. Just a warning. James and Shep are just too hot not to get some steamy scenes (not to mention the fact that they were gypped of really anything in the games! I wanna see Vega in his boxers!). Don't worry, though, all sexy scenes will be in their own chapter, separate from the main story, so if you're not into that thing you can totally gloss over it and not miss anything important (besides James...with no clothes...pretty important if you ask me...).

As for updates; quality is the most important thing to me. Anyone can sit down and write 2,000 words in thirty minutes and put it online, but it takes time to actually make it good. So, yeah, if I can't get out a quality chapter that I can be proud of in a week, then I will wait however long it takes before I post an update.

Anyway, that is all! Thank you so much for reading, you are A+. Stay classy, kids ;)