When you are in a self-righteously angry mood, you want to do something with the emotions. I am writing another angst story. It will not be as eloquent and descriptive as one hopes to write during fanfiction, but more like an outpouring of emotions and a new perspective?

I do not own FF7 or SE.

I love stories when she LEAVES.

This takes place shortly after DOC when she finally has a breakdown

First chapter

Sometimes I look back to my past and wonder how my childhood me would react if she could see me NOW. Back then, I had my act together. Yes some people may have called me a stuck up, popular and a headstrong type of girl but having the confidence of being one is something that I miss. Back then I never chased, never felt unnecessarily guilty and obligated to help everyone and every single freaking thing around me.

I can imagine young-me's disgust at my desperate wish to win the hearts of the people around me. Once I would have sneered at the idea of groveling after peoples' acceptance and being such a people pleaser! And don't for one minute assume that it is only one person whom I crave the affection and attention of. Oh no, I am even anxious to receive the approval of my two orphans. The crux of it is that they are not and will never even be mine'. The flower girl still remains connected and somewhat responsible for their wellbeing and livelihood – forgive me for being a paranoid jealous psycho for saying it but she does.

How is it that Marlene can see her, sense her and receive spiritual messages from her? And I can't? Marlene always gets sentimental when she talks about her and speaks her name with everlasting affection. She also tries to look like her, you know with the bow and hair braid and because it makes him happy – and proud that she respects and admires her beloved memory. That's how inspirational my friend was- I mean IS. I wonder if anyone would try to impress me when I'm dead.

And then there's sweet darling Denzel. He loves Cloud so much and wants to be just like him. Only thing is, he has nothing to do with me apparently. Oh no Cloud is so adamant that Aerith brought Denzel to HIM only – like some sort of spiritual love child gesture if you catch my drift. I mean thanks Cloud, you kind of forgot that Denzel contacted me before he collapsed in your church. Also you kind of forgot that I maintained his survival and wellbeing while you up and left for a good effing two years. I mean if he belonged to you and her, I could have been low and just turned him out of my bar, he is your responsibility after all hey?

So yes, over all I am feeling rather used, and worn out. It has come to the point where my groups of friends are just abusing my hospitality and using me for free accommodation and food. Really that's what I'm known for. Oh 'Tifa the great cook, Tifa the great barkeep, Tifa the sweet loving nurse, the counselor, the confidante, the mother.' Except I'm not even allowed to claim the role of mother because they already have the spiritual mother, I am 'like' a mother, I am 'like' sweetheart – translation – I do all the work and acts of service of a mother and a caring partner without receiving any of the actual perks of being either of them. What's it called –

Oh yeah! The third wheel. I am the third wheel of my own house. I am second best and always the second choice. Them three are just settling for me. I realised that a month ago and acted ASAP. It's time to bring back the old Tifa attitude. The one which got me places, the me I was back then when he chased me, not the other way around. Four weeks ago I sold my bar. SURPRISE! No one saw that coming. And oh gods did I receive so much crap for it but you know what it is my bar and my business and to hell with what my friends think. They can follow me to my new point of business if they are genuine friends. When the new tenants take over Seventh Heaven, they will essentially have possession of the building and um, all the property rights of it. But here's the dilemma. All my friends know except Cloud – I don't even want him to know, because if he does he will leave me first in anger. This time, I want to be the one who leaves him. So I resolved not to tell him until the absolute last ticking possible moment, which is…tomorrow evening.