This is a prompt that I filled on tumblr for KangstPromptOfTheDay I just felt like writing something and what's better than some Kurt angst ;)
For the full prompt see bottom of the page
And no, English is still not my first language. I do my best to proof read and grammar check but I'm not perfect. If you notice any mistakes small or big, let me know and hopefully I won't do them again ;)
It was their third game of the year with Kurt as their kicker and they had never played better. They were up against the best team in the series but they played very well and thanks to Kurt managing to score on all his attempts, they were the clear winners when the fourth quarter had come to an end. As always Burt was there to watch the game. He knew deep down why Kurt had picked up football in the first place and after Kurt had come out to him he had expected Kurt to drop out. He hadn't though and Burt felt his heart swell with pride every time he saw his son on that field. Kurt had even started to do his field goals without the music, narrowing it down to only a few dance moves before he kicked the ball right between the. As usual, the first thing Kurt did when the game ended was to throw of his helmet, and making sure his hair was in order before he cheered along with his team mates. Burt watched him happily as his he exchanged fist bumps and brotherly hugs with his team mates in very non Kurt fashion before he separated for the rest of them and walked over to his bag and water bottle to collect his things. Burt knew his son wanted to have some extra time in the showers in order to get ready for the dinner at breadstix afterwards.
He saw two guys from the other team lean in to whisper something to each other before the two of them began walking towards where Kurt were standing with his back towards them, drinking from his water bottle. A strange feeling settled in Burt's stomach as the two huge guys picked up their speed and by now a few of the guys on The Titans had picked up was going on. Finn and the Mohawk kid, Burt couldn't remember his name, seemed to catch on what was going to happen but by then it was to late and Burt watched horrified as the two big jocks from the other team tackled his baby from two different sides and sent him flowing in the air before crashing head first down to the turf with a small crunching sound. It felt like the whole audience gasped but maybe it was just Burt but it felt like his heart stopped as he watched his baby's unmoving body crumbled on the ground in an awkward position.
"C'mon," He heard himself whisper "Kurt, please move, please be okay"
In the few seconds that he stood paralyzed, Finn and the Mohawk kid run towards Kurt's body and slid down next to him while coach Beiste came running too, shouting something that Burt's ear couldn't quiet collect. All he knew was that Kurt had been tackled way too hard by guys way too big for him and that he now didn't move.
Somehow he managed to make his way down to the turf and ran as fast as he could towards were the whole team were now circling around his son.
"Let me through," He shouted and pressed his way through them with his elbows.
As soon as he saw Kurt he knew it was bad, really bad. The way he had landed and how his body now was twisted oddly made the fear in him grow.
"Oh god, Kurt" He said faintly and sank to his knees.
"Dad?," Came the faintest of responses from his son's lips and when he looked closer he could see that Kurt's eyes were open and tears were glistering his cheeks.
"I'm here, baby" Burt said and reached to pat him on the shoulder when the coach shook her head with a very serious look on her face.
He followed her gaze down to where her hands were steadying Kurt's neck. He swallowed hard, feeling his heart pound rapidly in his chest.
"I'm scared he might have spinal injuries," She said in a low voice so that Kurt wouldn't hear her. "We shouldn't move him until the ambulance get here"
Looking back at Beiste he saw her smile sadly and he nodded, turning his attention to his son again.
"I'm right here, kiddo" He said softly and gently stroke Kurt's cheek, careful not to jostle him. "It's gonna be okay"
"It hurt's," Kurt cried, more tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I know," Burt said "Don't try to move. It's gonna be okay. I'm right here"
"We have already called an ambulance," Coach Beiste said "They should be here any minute know"
Then she turned to the large group around them.
"Could you give us some room, please," She said " He need's some space and you are crowding him"
The response came in a soft murmur of protests but Burt could feel them back away even though his entire focus was on Kurt.
"I can't move my legs, dad" Kurt whispered and the panic was clear in his voice "My legs feel really weird and my neck hurts"
"Shhh...Kurt, Don't try to move your legs, buddy. It's gonna be okay" Burt whispered back and kept patting Kurt's cheek tenderly.
Suddenly there was new movement next to them signaling that the paramedics had arrived. Burt looked up briefly to see them hurry towards were he was crouching on the ground next to them and further down the turf he could see the ambulance parked. The two of them, one man and one woman, carried a spine board between them and to one big bag each. Burt listened vaguely as coach Beiste explained the situation to the two EMT's, instead whispering soft words to Kurt as his son continued to cry softly. Then the woman turned her attention to him.
"Hi," She said in a brisk tone "My name is Sarah. I take it you are Kurt's father"
He nodded quietly and Sarah crouched own next to Kurt.
"Hi, Kurt" She said softly "I'm Sarah and I'm going to take care of you, okay. Neil and I will make sure that you are alright and then we are going to take you to the hospital. Your dad, won't be going anywhere so he will be with you the whole time, is that okay, sweetie?"
"Y-yes," Kurt said shakily.
"That's very good" Sarah said calmly "Now could you tell me if anything hurts?"
"My neck hurt's really bad" Kurt whispered. "And my shoulders and arms. My right shoulder hurts badly"
"He said his legs feels weird" Burt added and Sarah nodded carefully.
She then turned her attention to her partner and coach Beiste that still supported Kurt's neck in her hands.
"Are you going to be okay holding him for a bit longer?" Sarah asked her. "If you don't, I can take over but you are doing a really good job"
"It's okay, I can do it" Coach Beiste said, her mouth in a thin line as she looked down at the teen supported by her perfectly still hands.
The paramedic nodded carefully before she turned to Kurt again.
"Kurt, we are worried about your neck and back so Neil is going to fit a collar around your neck so your coach doesn't need to support it with her hands anymore and then we are going roll you on your back and put you on a back board. Okay?"
Kurt didn't say anything but shut his eyes in pain and Burt continued to try his best to soothe him while trying to concentrating to what the paramedics were saying to each other.
"We are worried he might have injured his neck since he is in so much pain so we are going to put a brace on to immobilize his neck and then put him on the spine board" Neil explained when he was done with adjusting the c-collar so it would fit on Kurt's neck and he worked together with coach Beiste to put it on with minimal movement to Kurt's body.
As soon as coach Beiste was free and didn't support Kurt's neck in her hands anymore she let out a shaky breath and fell back on the ground. Burt looked over to were she sat for a brief moment and saw how her hands were suddenly shaking violently.
Kurt started to cry even more as the hard collar was wrapped around his neck and Burt had to bit his own lip to prevent himself from crying in front of his son. Kurt needed him to be strong so he couldn't break down now.
"No, I don't want it on" Kurt cried weakly when he felt the hard brace press against his chin. "Please, I don't want it"
"I know you don't like it Kurt," Neil said "But we have to protect your neck and back, buddy. It will be over soon. Your dad is right next to you and as soon as we got you onto your back he can hold your hand for a little while"
A few minutes later they had Kurt strapped down to the backboard and were ready to move him. Kurt's head was taped down to the board and several straps kept his body perfectly still for the ride to the hospital. The EMT's put a needle in Kurt's hand and gave him something for the pain so he was a lot calmer now but Burt still kept close to him, making sure he was in Kurt's very narrow eye sight the whole time since wasn't allowed to even hold Kurt's hand anymore since that too was strapped tightly to Kurt's body. .
The ride to the hospital felt long though it probably was only a few minutes. The sirens were wailing, emphasizing the severity of the situation and Burt watched in silence how Sarah worked over Kurt. She kept asking him for Kurt's details and medical history and he told her the best he could while his eyes never left Kurt's face. The oxygen mask Sarah had put on his face fogged with every breath and Kurt's eyes and Burt watched it while his hand rested lightly on Kurt's arm.
When they finally reached the hospital and got Kurt moving, Burt almost had to run to keep up with the stretcher and once they were inside the busy ER he had even more trouble moving along the stretcher, trying not to crash in to something or tried to catch on what the doctors were saying as they moved Kurt towards a treating room but he didn't understand it all and it all became a blur of medical words. He tried to stay close to Kurt, tried to comfort his son as the doctors prodded and poked him, while Kurt conituned to cry from both panic and pain. Soon he was whisked away by a stern looking nurse in her fifties that wouldn't take no for an answer as she lead Burt towards the waiting room and told him to wait there until they came and got him.
Almost as soon as he had sat down on one of the hard waiting room chairs, Finn, along with Coach Beiste and the guy with the mohawk arrived through the doors. He waved for them as they looked around for him and they rushed up to him, Finn taking the vacant seat next to him and the to others leaning against the wall opposite of him.
"How is he?" Finn asked with a thin voice.
He was pale in his face and hadn't even taken off his shoulder pads, Burt noticed.
"They wouldn't let me stay with him. They are doing tests. X-rays and things to see if his neck and spine are okay. They" His words got stuck in his throat and he was forced to swallow. "They think his neck is broken" He finished weakly, no longer able to hold back the tears.
He felt Finn put a arm on his back and pat him softly but the teen didn't say anything. Instead the coach spoke up.
"We don't know anything for sure, yet. He might even be fine" She said but Burt could tell that she didn't believe it.
She was a football coach after all, used to see accidents like this go down. She knew what they meant and what this could possibly mean for Kurt.
"This sucks so much. If it helps, I made sure that the assholes who did this won't be able to show their faces for at least two weeks" Mohawk kid said "I would have killed them if Finn hadn't stopped me. They deserve to die for what they did to-"
"Puck, that's enough" Beiste snapped at him and he sank back against the wall in defeat.
"It's okay" Burt said, looking at Puck. "I would have killed them too. I want to kill them for this but it won't change anything"
It wouldn't. Kurt wouldn't be any less hurt and he wouldn't feel any less guilty for letting his son play in the first play. After all it was his fault that Kurt had started in the first place and he as a the parent should have made sure that Kurt knew just how much he loved Kurt and how proud he was of him without Kurt playing football. If he had only managed to do that, non of this would have happened. He felt the tears build up in his eyes again and he sobbed quietly into his hands. He would never be able to forgive himself for this. For hurting his baby. He rested his head in his arms, rubbing fiercely at his eyes and trying to collect himself somehow.
"I'll go and get you some coffee," Beiste said with a small smile. "And maybe something for you boys?" She added and looked at the teens.
"Coffee is fine," Puck said but Finn shook his head no and to be fair, the young man looked like he was about to be sick any second.
The coached sighed before she disappeared towards the cafeteria, leaving the three men in silence.
A few minutes later, Finn was the one who broke the silence.
"I shouldn't have let him join," He said guiltily. "I knew it was a bad idea, I mean he's way too small to play football, the other guys are twice his size. I didn't think he was serious when he said he wanted to be on the football team but I could see it was important to him and I wanted to do something nice to him for once. I mean I was so sure he was gonna suck so he wouldn't be on the team anyway but...If I hadn't introduced him to the team, non of this had happened"
"This is not your fault" Burt said slowly "Kurt would have found a way to join the team without your help. He didn't know any other way to make me proud so he did what he thought was the best thing, even though I know he doesn't like it very much. He thought I wouldn't be proud of him unless he did sports or acted more like a man"
"But you're awesome" Finn said "With everything. Sure he would know that you would be proud of him even if he didn't play football"
"Yeah, man" Puck said "He was so thrilled when he had told you he was gay and you accepted him that he was literately pooping rainbows"
Burt shrugged. These boys didn't know his relationship to his son and yes, he loved his son, and yes he was proud of him no matter what he did, but Kurt didn't know that. Because he hadn't really told him that. He hadn't told Kurt how proud he was of him when he starred in the musical production of the jungle book in year three and had sung a solo. He had sat there in the audience, his heart swelling with pride, much like it had earlier tonight when all he had wanted to do was to shout to everybody that that was his son. Much like earlier to day his heart had swelled with pride when a teary eyed Kurt summoned up all the courage that his body could hold and finally told his father that he was gay, something he had known about since Kurt was just a little boy, and something that had never mattered to him because everything Kurt did made Burt love him even more. He knew it was his fault that Kurt had been hurt tonight because the only reason why Kurt played was because he thought he would gain his fathers approval.
"This is my fault, and my fault only" He concluded.
Non of the boys had an answer to that.
Coach Beiste returned shortly after that, a tray with coffee in one hand a paper bag filled with donuts. Burt reached for the coffee but ignored the donuts. He clutched the cup in his hand like it was his safety blanket.
The waiting was long and during their time in the waiting room people came and went. Doctors called other names and while most of them where relieved and met with good news there was a few who weren't so lucky. Right now one of the doctors delivered what had to be bad news to an old woman. The woman broke down crying violently in front of the white coated man and he consoled her in a practiced manner and they soon disappeared too, leaving Burt to wonder whether he was waiting for good or bad news. The EMT's had been worried when they arrived, more so as they continued their ride to the hospital and the doctors waiting for them hadn't been any less worried about his son's condition. He hadn't understood everything they had been shouting between each other, but he did understand what cervical fracture and spinal damage meant and Kurt hadn't been able to move his leg.
The cup of coffee in his hand had long gone cold by the time he finally was approached by a doctor. By then the both teens had been forced to leave. Finn's mother had picked them up, stepping inside the busy ER briefly to collect the two boys and then quickly giving Burt a piece of paper with her phone number on and made him promise to call if there was anything she could do for him and Kurt, anything at all, before she had given him a quick hug. The doctor was a middle aged man, with gray strays in his otherwise brown hair. Behind the glasses his eyes were a warm almond colour.
"Mr Hummel?" He asked for confirmation and Burt nodded. "I'm Dr Altman and I've been treating your son tonight."
"How is my son?" Burt asked nervously, fearing the answer.
"As you may be aware of, Mr Hummel, when your son was brought in our main concern was injuries to his neck"
Burt found himself nodding again.
"He's gonna be fine, though? Right?" He asked. "I mean he's fine, right?"
"The x-rays confirm that he has a quite serious fracture in his neck." The doctor paused briefly to let Burt take in the news.
"Oh god" He croaked weakly, feeling his legs weaken underneath him before he found his strength again.
The doctors smiled reassuringly before he continued.
"Luckily the MRI shows there is no damage to the spinal chord which is a miracle in itself with the severity of the break. It still too early to say anything but if the surgery is a success, there are good chances that he will make a full recovery. There is no signs of internal bleeding so that is very good news. His less serious injuries are a moderate concussion, a few broken ribs and a broken collarbone but those are not of concern right now and they will all heal in time. Right now we are focusing on the surgery and making sure everything goes well before and during. Then we can focus on the recovering. But I assure you, Mr Hummel, your son is getting the best care possible and we are very hopefull."
"When can I see him?" Burt asked, desperately wanting to see his son as soon as possible.
The doctor smiled.
"We are moving him to a room as we speak, the surgery won't be until tomorrow since it's too late now. You can see him right away"
The nurse lead him to Kurt's room and opened the door to it and stepped inside. Nothing could prepare him for what he saw. The huge brace around his sons neck was awful. He felt sick just looking at him and he had to struggle once more to not break down. Kurt's other injuries seemed so minor and insignificant and in a way they were. The doctors had brushed past the concussion and broken bones like they were just a small scrape that a small band aid would take care of. Kurt ribs would be completely healed with in a month and a half and so would his collarbone. Burt tore his eyes off the collar, letting his eyes travel around the rest of his son's body. The small scrape on Kurt's forehead, the steadily beeping heart monitor, the IV's in Kurt's hand and arm, the thin tube of oxygen in Kurt's nose and the other things he didn't know what they were for.
Kurt's eye lids fluttered weakly and he moaned softly when he heard Burt approach him and sat down next to his bed and Burt tooks his hand very carefully in both of his.
"Hey, buddy" He said, kissing Kurt's knuckles softly.
"Dad" Kurt whispered weakly.
"I'm right here" Burt answered him, moving one hand to run it gently through Kurt's messy hair. "I right here" He mumbled again, trying to smile.
Kurts eyes moved frantically, trying to make out as much of the room as he could with his narrow field of vision.
"What's going on?" He asked weakly as he tried to move his head to get a better look on his dad but naturally the brace prevented any movement and Burt saw the panic rise in his son's body.
"Just stay still, buddy. Do you remember what happened tonight?" He asked gently.
He didn't want to go through the events again, it had been painful enough to live trough them earlier, but the doctors had told him that Kurt might experience some confusion because of everything he had been through and the strong pain medication they had him on.
Kurt struggled to swallow before he answered.
"I don't know" He said "We had a home game and we were playing really well."
Burt nodded.
"Yeah, you all did very good" He confirmed.
"I remember that we won and that I was celebrating with the team, then I went to collect my things so I would have time to get ready before we were going out and then I just remember feeling a lot of pain and then I couldn't breathe for a while and there was so much pain"
Burt nodded again and squezed the tips Kurt's fingers.
"I'm really scared, dad" Kurt whispered, tears welling up his eyes and Burt's heart broke when he saw his son's tears hit his face.
"I know, buddy" He said, using his thumb to whip the tears away. "It's okay"
He cleared his throat before speaking.
"Two guys from the other team tackled you very badly, kiddo. And you fell quiet badly too. Your coach was very fast to make sure that you were kept still and no one tried to move or touch you since you had fallen so badly and didn't even have your helmet on. When ambulance came they were worried about your neck and back because you were in a lot of pain so they put you on a backboard and all that and rushed you to the hospital. You fell asleep in the ambulance for a while and then again when they were doing tests."
He had to pause for awhile. Now came the hardest part.
"You've got a few broken ribs and you broke your right collarbone. You also have a concussion but that's not what the doctors are worried about..."
"My neck is broken" Kurt filled him in numbly, closing his eyes and letting a fresh wave of tears fall.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Burt croaked "You've got a bad break in your neck, buddy but they say your spinal chord is okay. They are taking you to surgery in the morning to repair your neck but if it all goes according to plan you should be okay. It's still early and you will need a lot of time and physical therapy but there are good chances that you will be okay. You won't be able to play football of course but you will be able to live a pretty normal life anyway."
"What if it doesn't work? What if I can't walk? What if I'll never get to walk again. How am I supose to get on broadway or anything like that I can't even walk" Kurt was crying now, painfully and violently and every sob tugged at Burt's heart, threatening to tear it apart.
He tried his best to console his son to try to calm him done but nothing he said would make Kurt's cries ease. He continued to hold Kurt's small hand in his own while the other one ran softly through Kurt's hair in soothing motions.
"Shhh" He whispered repeatedly. "Shhh"
It took many minutes but eventually Kurt's cries slowed down and the tears stopped coming.
"Shhh, I'm here" Burt mumbled softly "Dad's here"
Kurt looked at him, exhausted from crying.
"Don't leave me" He whispered "When I go to sleep, please don't leave me. I don't want to wake up alone"
"I'm not leaving you, Kurt. Not for tonight and not ever. I'll stay with you and I will be here when you wake up in the morning and no matter what happens I will be here and we will get through this. You and I. We will make it through this and everything will be okay. I love you so much, Kurt" Burt said and slowly leaned forward and kissed Kurt's forehead gently.
"I love you too, dad" Kurt mumbled, closing his eyes as his father pecked his forehead, finally letting the exhaustion win over his body.
"I mean it, Kurt" Burt whispered. "We'll get through this. No matter what happens, we will be okay. I'll make sure we are both okay"
Fin
Hope you liked, and please let me know what you think ;) I also have another one shot in that I might have time to finish soon. Even though I've been working on it since last Christmas ;)