Wish You Were Here

April 1, 2005

Hey Fred,

It's me. Georgie. I don't really know why I'm doing this. I guess I'm just missing you so much, I had to do this. Maybe it'll help.

Merlin, it's been nearly seven years, and I still can't get over your death. If someone gave me a galleon for every time I've thought about you, I'd be able to buy the Daily Prophet by now. And if they gave me a Galleon every time a piece of me chipped as I thought about you, I could buy Malfoy Manor. Not that I'd want to. The only thing I want now is for you to come back.

Mum says if I talked to you it would help me. She doesn't know that I do. I go to your grave everyday. Everyday. And I talk to you. But it doesn't help. You never talk back. I wish I could hear your voice again, Freddie.

Do you remember what day it is today? It's our birthday. Or it was our birthday. It's just my birthday now. I hate it now, Fred. we used to love our birthday, pulling massive celebratory pranks together and blowing out the candles together and ripping open the presents together. But now I have to do it alone. This year, I blew out 27 candles, all on my own. You'd be twenty-seven now, too, if you'd been here. And every year, it just reminds me and everyone else of you, and that makes me hate it all the more. They're getting better, though. And I don't blame you. I don't blame you at all.

Stupid exploding wall.

I remember that moment so clearly, Fred. I remember hearing the wall explode, and then hearing Percy scream your name, and then seeing your body limp in Percy's arms, and I was numb and I couldn't breath and I was screaming your name and I was 20 feet away but I swear it felt like I was on the other side of the world. And there was nothing I could do, nothing to make you come back to me again. And memories were flashing inside my head, every moment we spent together, which was pretty much all our lives, every prank, every joke, every cheer, every grin, every laugh, every word we spoke, everything. I was praying, pleading, begging whatever gods there are up there, begging for it not to be true. But it was.

I wished I died with you.

Merlin knows a bit of me has. I haven't pulled a single prank since you died, Freddie. If I asked, the family could count the times I smiled on a hand, and the times I laughed on half.

You couldn't guess what happened this morning. Or maybe you could. Maybe you know.

So this morning, I woke up. And I swear I saw you, standing at the other end of my bed. I freaked out for a moment, because, as heartbroken as I am, I'm past the point of denial, past hope, past wishful thinking, and I know that you really are dead. I knew that it must be your ghost, and it scared me for a moment. But then the panic went away, and I was just happy to see your face again. And then you smiled. And my heart broke into a million tiny pieces all over again. But at the same time, I was happy. And…content, I guess, just glad that I've finally seen your face again after so long. So I smiled back.

You did it on purpose, didn't you? You came, because you thought I needed closure, to move on? Maybe I do. Maybe I have. I don't know. All I know is that I'm just glad that I've been able to see your face one last time. And maybe I'm ready to let go.

Are you happy, wherever you are? Some other dimension, some sort of heaven? Can you see a better world from there, a better future for the world we live in? The war's over, and I think that future could be coming. Our world would be a better place, so that no one has to go through what we did again, no one would have to suffer…no one would have to die like you.

Maybe I'm moving on, but Fred, some part of me has died with you. We were always with each other, always able to know what each other were thinking, planning. It was like we each had a little bit of ourselves in each other. So a part of me will always be with you, so that part died with you, went with you to your heaven.

Maybe I'm letting go, but I'll always be with you. And you'll always be with me, that part of you will always be here for me. I know that.

This isn't goodbye.

I love you,

Georgie.

This took an incredibly long time to get out. It never felt right or good. But I re-read it and it sounds alright now. :)

CITY OF HEAVENLY FIRE! IT'S OUT TODAY! At least in America. I don't know about Australia.

See ya next time!

Review!