She arrived home laughing as the Doctor dropped her off. The TARDIS flew off, leaving her alone in a silent flat once more to get on with her life. Flicking the kettle on, Clara threw her bag on the sofa, glancing at the pile of marking that was sat there waiting to be done and sighing – she wasn't really in the mood today, there was something slightly disheartening about English work when you'd just avoided being beheaded for intruding on royal grounds on an alien planet, but once she had tea made and was changed in to something a little more comfortable she sat down, making a start.
Her phone alarm went at 1am while she was still sat on the sofa, doing lesson plans now. Jumping a little she reached over and grabbed it – the screen was flashing with the alarm and the message below read 'Oi. Bedtime Miss Oswald.'. Danny had set that alarm for her months ago, around 6 weeks before he left. She turned it off if she went to bed before 1, but that didn't stop it surprising her when it did go off. Clara kept watching it until it stopped, smiling a little but having to wipe at her eye briefly. The screen returned to her lock screen, the last picture they took together. They were happy together, Adrian had taken the picture when they weren't looking and it was perfect.
The alarm went off again 2 minutes later and she almost laughed – it was just like Danny poking at her to get some sleep and dragging her off to bed. She stood up, walking through to the bedroom and climbing in to bed, sticking her phone on charge before settling down on to her side facing in to the bed. It was empty. She'd slept in an empty bed so many times, Danny didn't always stay over, and yet it felt wrong now. More empty than before, because she knew he wouldn't be back. The alarm wasn't him now, it was just an alarm. The emptiness wouldn't be filled.
Like so many nights recently she couldn't settle. Clara just lay awake staring at the bed beside her, sighing occasionally and trying to blank her mind. The silence killed her now; she used to enjoy it but not anymore. When she got back from the TARDIS before it happened her life had meaning, she could go round to Danny's or ring him and talk to him for hours. Then when she'd go to bed she would smile as she fell asleep. Now, now she just wanted to fly away again. Run in to the universe, save worlds, dodge a few bullets… it stopped her thinking about all this.
Eventually she gave up lying that way and turned over, looking to her bedside table. A small light on her phone was visible where it was charging, but her eyes were focussed on the photo frame. Inside it lay her favourite photo of Danny. He'd jokingly given it to her as a present on her birthday and it sat on the side in her kitchen until that day weeks ago. Now she kept it closer, more private. Her hand reached out, taking hold of the side of the frame and picking it up to bring it closer.
"We went back to Victorian London again yesterday. I love it there; it's so simple and fresh. We went in the summer this time, it was a beautiful day. The parks were bustling with families with picnics just enjoying themselves in the sun and playing together, everyone seemed so carefree it was wonderful. I wish I could have taken you there, I know you never wanted to travel but you'd have loved it there. Although… maybe not once we tracked down the stray daleks. Seriously, they love it there almost as much as I do it's really not good. Just avoided getting shot, that maybe wasn't as good as the summer sun but you know, life goes on, we survived. Survived today too, honestly 2 death sentences in two days is pretty crazy." She paused. "Sometimes I wonder if I'd be so happy about that if you were here. I mean, the dangerous stuff, not life going on. I used to worry about coming back to you in one piece and now I don't have to anymore it's like it's different. I mean if anything happened… no let's not talk about that. Sorry, you don't like hearing that stuff." Clara sighed and shifted herself slightly. "I'm not doing very well at the 5 minutes a day thing right now. I'm trying, honest I am just once I get back home and I can't just pick up the phone to you it's kinda lonely. I can't talk to anyone else the way we talked; I could tell you things I couldn't tell anyone else. And I don't just mean TARDIS related things either, I just mean so much about how I was thinking or feeling. You made everything make sense in some really weird way… I still try and think about everything like, try and think about what you'd do, but it's not working out too well right now." Clara sat up in bed, her neck starting to ache from lying awake tense for so long. She placed the picture down as she got out and stood up, making her way over to the window. She looked out at the stars, staring in to the distance.
"I hate being stuck in this flat now. It's lonely, which is stupid. It's my flat, it was never ours, it never was…" She hugged her arms around herself, silently missing the times he would appear behind her at this window. Clara closed her eyes, imagining him behind her, feeling his arms slip around her and his lips on her neck. The last time he was here she'd been stressing about her GCSE coursework and couldn't sleep. He wasn't meant to stay – he had to get up early the next day to go to a training course and staying over just meant an earlier start, but he refused to leave. Clara had stood at the window after her shower, looking out at the stars. He'd walked in with tea for her, placing it on the bedside table and coming over.
'Running away won't help.' He told her quietly. He was right too. 'Face tomorrow first, then call him.' Danny stroked her hair back towards him softly. He understood, he didn't stop her, he just knew what she needed and distraction wasn't it – sleep was. Still he didn't force her to bed; they just stood there looking out at the sky together. 'It's hard to believe you've been out there sometimes.' Danny spoke softly, running a hand down her arm and locking their fingers.
'I have photos…' Clara started to answer but she felt him rolling his eyes at her from behind. 'I know I know what you mean. Sometimes I look out here and I realise just how differently I see it all now. I know so much, things we're never meant to know. I know that in 35 years time the moon is going to hatch and a beautiful creature will be born. I know that at that same moment I will be down here, knowing that on a beach somewhere else in the world I will be stood watching it happen. It's odd, but it's gorgeous.' She could feel Danny's breath on her neck, it was steady, he didn't panic anymore, but that was one of so few stories he knew.
'Maybe in 35 years time I'll be with you.' Danny turned her around slowly and smiled, tucking her hair gently behind her ear and kissing her.
'I hope so. It's a wonderful sight.' Clara replied, returning the kiss before they climbed in to bed.
He held her that night as she drifted off to sleep, listening to her exhausted drabble about the next day. But she slept, she slept well, and the following day she woke to a note left on her pillow.
'Sometimes it's easy to forget how much you miss people until you see them again. x'
It read that simply, and at that time Clara could only smile at the use of the quote, it was a 'you had to be there' type moment. Now though, as she opened her eyes to the empty room again, Clara felt the note from the pocket in her pyjama bottoms.
That night Danny had got back late, he'd already text her to tell her to go to sleep, that he'd be round tomorrow. She didn't go to sleep though, she'd been thinking about everything she needed to tell him. After what he'd said last night, the possibility of a future, she knew she needed to tell him everything. When she got back from work that day she made a list. That list became post-it notes. Those post-it notes ended up all over her shelves. She was going to talk to him the moment he got back to hers, but he didn't come back. Clara had tried to sleep, but he mind was buzzing with everything she needed to say – multiple versions of the same conversation rocketing round her brain with so many different outcomes.
By the time morning came she was pacing her flat, she was impatient, and she couldn't wait. Danny was on his way, she knew he was walking, he'd text, but she couldn't last that long. Clara called him, she called him and… that was it.
He never knew.
"You never knew." She spoke out loud again, walking back over and sitting on the edge of her bed and picking the picture back up. "I promised to tell you everything and I never did." She wiped at her eyes again with the spare hand. "I hate being here, I hate being alone. I love you, Danny Pink, I love you and I miss you. I miss Mum, and I miss you, and real life doesn't seem worth it anymore. So I do run, I run and I see wonders and I save planets. There's still danger, but I don't care anymore." Clara picked her phone up now. "I promised I'd tell you everything and here it is: I'm not scared anymore. This is the only thing that makes me feel alive now, it's fun, it's wonderful, but it's no longer terrifying. Maybe it's changing me… no, there's no maybe about it. I'm different now, you probably wouldn't like it, but then if you were here then things might not be this way. I'm sorry Danny, I'm sorry for everything." Clara placed the picture back on her table and unlocked her phone, calling the only number that really got used these days.
He arrived within minutes, he always did. The TARDIS landed in her living room and she heard it. She got dressed, quickly looking in the mirror and sorting out her hair – it was easier now it was shorter at least. She straightened out the bottom part of her jumper and smiled, heading for the door. Clara stopped, turning around quickly and opening a drawer to pull out a spare jumper – she didn't normally, but there wasn't a lot left on the TARDIS at the moment, and she didn't know how long she'd be gone.
"I've not worn this one before. It's kinda weird, like a jumper with a shirt underneath… but not. Like that top that confused you on our 5th date." Clara smiled a little and glanced at the picture. "See you soon." She said carelessly, walking out the door.
Little did she know…