Falling
It's raining and I'm glad, because no one will be able to see my tears.
When I first saw you, I didn't have time to think about how I felt about you. All I was thinking was that you and Rogue could be dead. Storm and I needed to save the two of you, and we did. Both of you were alive and barely injured. I was relieved. On the trip back, I paid no attention to you as I concentrated on piloting the Blackbird home. At home, I was too busy debriefing with the professor to pay any attention. I didn't think about you until the first time I really saw you in the professor's office. I haven't stopped thinking about you since.
Jean and I...our relationship ended years ago. I still love her, but not the way I used to. We mutually broke off our relationship a year before you came. When you did, the three of us fell. The two of you with each other. Me with you. My heart broke, but I kept up my mask. You didn't know how I felt. Neither did Jean. Only the professor and I knew, and he would never tell without my permission. I watched you watching her and her watching you and I felt like crying, but I had to be strong because I was the leader. One can only be strong for so long.
On Liberty Island, I felt a myriad of emotions. You made me laugh. You made me worry. I was scared. I couldn't breathe. You were hurting up there with Magneto near the end. I was so worried and so scared, but Jean told me to wait. I trusted Jean, but what the hell was I waiting for? I got a shot and I took it. I didn't want you to die. You didn't. Maybe I did later on though. The professor told me about Alkali Lake. I knew you would leave, and you did. No goodbyes. I knew there wouldn't be any. I left my bike outside for you, in hope that you would return to return my bike to me. I know you didn't return because of that though. You returned for Rogue. You returned for Jean.
When I heard about your return, I was happy. I was so happy, but I knew it wouldn't last long. You and Jean. Jean and you. I saw the two of you and I tried to smile, but I couldn't. I went downstairs and I asked you questions. Questions with answers I didn't really care for. Not anymore. You threw my keys at me, saying that my bike needed gas. They were warm, the keys, and I felt scared. I threw the keys back at you and left. I could still feel your warmth.
I went with the professor when he went to see Magneto. I was stupid. I was distracted. Lady Deathstrike knocked me out, because all I could think about was you. We were captured, the professor and I. I should have been worried. I should have tried to escape. All I could think about was you.
I remember it. I attacked Jean. I still feel guilty because I didn't feel guilty doing it. I wasn't in control and I attacked her, and I was kind of glad when she got injured. But I was being stupid. When I returned to my senses, I helped her up. The dam was collapsing. It was my fault. We all met up and tried to escape. When we got outside, I could see you looking at her and she looked back at you. I didn't want to be there at that moment. We all got on the Blackbird, and we tried to start it, but it wasn't working. I looked back to see Jean thinking. We were together for I long time, so I knew what she was thinking. Jean had been getting more powerful ever since Liberty Island.
I stopped Jean from sacrificing herself. If only it could have been because I cared about her. Instead, I stopped her because I was thinking about you. You wouldn't have been happy if she sacrificed herself for all of us. I stopped her and reasoned with her. She could stop the water from crushing us temporarily. Bobby could freeze it. We'd get the controls working and we'd be out of there. We did that and none of us died. I sort of wish I did.
A couple months passed by and I felt so alone. I couldn't bear being in the same room as you and Jean. The two of you were everywhere. I couldn't avoid it. I was field leader and we had missions. I saw the two of you all the time. The two of you were happy. I wasn't. My heart shattered when the two of you announced your engagement. No one was there to pick up the pieces.
I began to isolate myself unless there were missions or Danger Room sessions. I continued teaching, but I didn't interact with the students as much as I used to. I didn't hear about it until it happened. You and Jean broke off the engagement. Apparently she read your mind during a moment of passion and found that you were thinking of someone else. A rumor, but the only thing I know. She probably called it cheating. She was mad. She threw you into the pool after all. We all know that you can't swim because of your adamantium skeleton. It's too heavy. She was reckless. For the first time in a long time, I had some form of contact with you. I pulled you out of the water, and after you recovered you thanked me and left.
I haven't seen you since, but I think about you every day. I love you, Logan. That's all it's ever going to be, isn't it? The two of you fell together and fell out together. I just keep falling and falling and falling...