Edited by the absolutely wonderful (deals with all my shit) Aelfrey.
Apart of the 'Burn My Lungs & Curse My Eyes' series but not directly apart of the story line. If you would like to imagine this took place, then you may. If not, you can just picture this as another doomed timeline... ;)
Evert (Equius Zahhak) has an issue with Nadine (Nepeta Leijon) that he thinks that only Dirk Strider can handle. After a little guidance from Kar (Karkat Vantas) he approaches him with a proposition. While their group of recently united friends are at a club to celebrate the release of Dirk, Evert, and Kar from prison, Jake has something to say about Dirk's once lover and now what Evert wants most.
"May I speak with you for a moment?" Evert asked over the music. In light of recent events, Dirk wanted his two groups of friends to meet before the world really did end around them. A week ago, Kar and he had ran into each other again, leading to a very awkward conversation to Jake who was beside him at the time. While he was dealing with the war of those two, he had worked with Nadine and Roxy to get the two groups together at a local club. Between the booze, loud music, and dancing bodies, he hoped it wouldn't give anyone reason to fight each other. Mainly Kar and Jake had both of Dirk's eyes on them, as often as he could spare them. It was a surprise when Evert came beside him, yelling ironically as softly as he could over the music. The look on his face told him he needed to actually talk instead of just yell over the music at each other until they were hoarse. No pun intended.
He nodded, gesturing with his head to a little quieter side room where people sat to eat food and play pool on tables in the center of the room. Dirk shut the door behind them, blocking a little more of the sound and found a secluded table to himself. The waitress came past and he ordered a beer for himself and Evert muttered that he would have the same but two of them. She gave them a sweet smile that Dirk briefly returned before turning his attention to Evert. The man had his black hair pulled back into a ponytail and he wore square rim glasses, things that had been absent in the prison for one reason or another. His lips were thin and the blond could tell from the look on his face he was seriously brooding on something.
"You look like there is smoke about to come out of your ears from those gears turning. What's going on?" Dirk commented, sipping from the beer when it was delivered. Jake and Kar were being watched by Jane, so he could breathe for a few minutes knowing they weren't going to kill each other. While he nursed his own drink, Evert all but downed the first beer and Dirk's eyebrows rose. "I have an issue." Evert grunted and Dirk licked his lips, "Well admitting you have a problem is the first step supposedly." The other gave him a look and the blond waved his hand, "I was trying to lighten the mood, my mistake. Go on."
Evert shifted in his seat, narrowed eyes at his beer. "I… Nadine and I…" He opened his mouth, furrowing his brows as his fingers make the beer slowly revolve in a small circle on top of the table with a twist of his wrist. "We're…" Dirk waited patiently until Evert sighed, "Trying to start some sort of kinship other than friends of sort." There was a pause, "So you're trying to have a romantic relationship?" He offered and Evert finally nodded, "Are you exactly okay with that? Because you nearly choked on the sentence." Dirk muttered. Evert sighed, "Yes, more than 'okay' with it actually. She's a fine young woman, though wild at heart. I find it irritating but I realize we're both young and when I imagine what life would be in the future, I don't see anyone but her being involved with… me." Dirk shrugged, knowing that thought and seeing Jake in his mind. "That's good... but…?"
The taller started to drink out of his beer, "I… lack, in certain areas." Dirk's eyes immediately went downward with a surprised expression and Evert grunted, "No. Not that area, Strider." The blond held up his hands for a moment before crossing his arms. "So if it's not South, what is it?" Evert sighed again, "There is a tradition I have followed in my tribe. It fell into forgotten practice years ago, but I believe I should follow all of my tribe's laws. Not just the ones that suit me. It stated that a man and his partner must be their first together." Dirk nodded, "Yeah… not too uncommon honestly for that one." Evert went on, "But since our… stay together in that establishment, I've learned that somethings must be changed with time. And my tribe's laws are not always for the betterment. Which brings us to my situation. Nadine and I wish to…" He searched the air as if his answer would appear there and Dirk took a heavy drink himself.
"You two want to bump uglies, pop each other's cherries, bonk, bang the kettle drums. I get it." Dirk laughed, "Are you nervous about your first time?" He wasn't like other men to think the other was not masculine for not having sex yet. Hell, his real first time hadn't been with Jake until they were almost twenty. The actual first time was a shitty experience that both of them had written off their records completely. Not to mention, if he thought Evert not masculine, he'd be stupid; the man could easily rip him in half. Evert paused before shaking his head, "No. I'm nervous about the first time with her." Dirk frowned, not understanding so Evert explained. "It's not the act of love-making that concerns me completely, it's doing it with her. I don't… as you would say, want to 'screw it up'. I brought this to the attention of Kar, trying to ask for some sort of advice on the subject. He told me what you can imagine he did."
Dirk choked on his beer and coughed into his hand, "I can imagine. So… let me get this straight, you want me to help you with the issue. What exactly do you have in mind?" Evert shrugged, "Show me. I understand things better when someone walks me through step by step. Not to mention you supposedly you have made both your female friends pin after you and had two successful relationships with Jake and Kar… You obviously know what you're doing." Dirk hadn't stopped staring at him by this point and cleared his throat, "You realize that… me showing you requires us to basically have sex… and she isn't going to have…" He shrugged, "The same parts as me, right?"
Evert nodded, "Yes. But I lack female friends at this moment who are as experienced as you are. And I refuse to ask Victoria." The blond blinked slowly at him before running a hand through his hair. "Let me talk about this with Jake. Not mention specifics… and see if he's okay with it." Evert agreed, "I expected as much. You may discuss it with him. Though I doubt he will agree." Dirk sighed, "I don't really know what he might say honestly. We've been a lot more… understanding of each other lately." He shrugged his shoulders, letting Evert draw conclusions rather than him explaining it to him. The blond stood from the table, wobbling a little. He wasn't much of a drinker anymore and he already had had a few tonight. "Whoa nelly." He muttered catching himself on the side of the table and Evert did a double take at him. Dirk shook himself and went to find Jake, heading back into the more 'rave' like area to the place. He spotted Jake and Kar talking and immediately bee-lined for them. Jane was nowhere to be found.
He looked at Jake who had such a deep frown on his face as Kar spoke, both had beers in their hands. "-Think about it." Kar was saying as Dirk came up, looking between them. "Hey, you two." He smiled, kissing Jake on the cheek as he came up to both of them. Kar glanced at the motion but didn't say anything. They muttered their hellos to him and Dirk glanced between them. "Am I interrupting something?" Kar shook his head, "Nah, I'm leaving. You two go make out in a bathroom or something." He handed his beer to Dirk and walked away, causing the blond to sigh. "I'm sure that went well." He breathed looking at Jake who watched after him with a pensive stare. Dirk memorized his expression before Jake looked away and back at him with a small smile. "Evert alright, love?" He asked softly and Dirk decided he might as well drink the beer in his hand. He had already swapped enough bodily fluids with Kar before that he wasn't really timid about drinking after him.
"Sorta. Can we talk a few minutes?" Jake nodded, taking him by the hand and walking through the crowd. He spotted Roxy talking to a group of guys with Jane by her side, the said woman's arm was wrapped around the waist of her boyfriend James. Jake laced his fingers in with Dirk's as they pushed through and got to another little hallway off to the side that was dark and lead out to the back parking-lot. There was a couple making out near the club and Jake put his back to the wall by the door. The exit sign cast a red glow over them both and Dirk wrapped his arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "You okay, babe?" He asked him, the pulsing music making the wall vibrate but they could hear each other fine. Jake nodded, his own arms snaking around his waist and pressing a gentle kiss to his neck.
"I'm alright. Are you?" Dirk nodded and sighed at the kiss, nuzzling his nose with his own for a moment. "Yeah… Evert has an issue that I told him that I had to talk to you about first." He ran his fingers through his messy black hair and cocked his head to the side. "And if you don't want me to do it, I won't." He promised softly, "I want us to actually talk about…" Jake laughed a little, "You're scaring me a bit, Dirk. What's going on?" The blond shook his head, "It isn't bad or anything." He hugged him and pressed his cheek to the other's chest, letting Jake rest his chin on top of Dirk's head.
"Evert has a problem with Nadine… he wasn't to finally pop both their cherries but has no idea how to do it." He hummed, "He wants me to basically teach him how to have sex. A little awkward, I know. I tried explaining it wouldn't exactly be the same thing." Dirk chuckled a little, "But he was convinced that I was the best to show him." He leaned back to look at Jake who had a mixed expression on his face. "What do you think?" Jake opened his mouth and shut it, then did it again. "I'm not really sure how to react to that honestly. But… honestly I should probably admit to you what Kar and I were talking about then." He sighed, leaning his head back. "Roxy brought up the fact that the only reason I'm so…" Dirk smiled, "Edgy?" Jake nodded, "-with Kar is he acts so damn pompous about the fact he was with you." The blond smiled a little, "You have to get to know him a bit better."
Jake licked his lips, "That's… the point. Roxy mentioned that perhaps we needed to fade the tension between us as well." Dirk frowned looking up at him, "Between us, or between you and Kar?" He asked to clarifying, and Jake paused, "The latter." Dirk nodded this time, still looking up at him to let him finish his thought. "So she proposed that we… 'let off some steam'." He released Dirk's waist to make finger quotes before putting them back into place. The blond smirked a bit, thinking that over. They had certainly gotten to the point in their relationship that they were secure enough they could easily talk about sleeping with other people and still hold each other like nothing had changed. "You sleeping with Kar and me teaching Evert how to have sex. That's an interesting turn of events." Jake reached down and pulled his chin up gently to look at him, "Dirk, if this bothers you…"
The blonde gave a little shake of his head, "No Jake, not at all." He smiled looking up at him, glancing down at his lips. "If it makes you and Kar stop fighting for five minutes because you're too busy playing tonsil hockey, I'm almost willing to gift wrap you both and shove you into a closet." Dirk nuzzled him again, "And Evert and I are going to be strictly professional. Kar and I weren't, so I don't expect you to be." Jake sighed and shrugged, "I don't know. I mainly want to throttle him. Not really have sex with him. And I think he feels the same. See what you do to grown men, Strider?" He purred, kissing the other on the forehead and Dirk had to laugh. "Right, I just cause men to fall to their knees before me." He shook his head, pressing another gentle kiss to what little chest there was exposed from his shirt. "I love you." He murmured quietly and Jake repeated it back pulling him close in his own utterance.
"Regardless, I think you both should give it a try. Stick your goods out on a table, measure and say to yourselves. 'Yeah, we broke off a piece of Strider and each other. Good enough for me.' And then relax! Neither of you have to fight for me. I'm yours, Jake. And I'm Kar's friend. Kar will find someone, he just has to get over somethings a little more before he starts up his online dating profile again." Jake blinked, "He has one of those?" Dirk laughed, "No, it was a joke Jake. I don't think Kar has the patience for an online thing, let alone having to actually talk about himself. Give him a chance. You might like him a lot more." Jake sighed, "Alright… for you." He nodded, "So we're alright with each other taking a moment to… test the waters?"
"Yes, babe." Dirk kissed his chin, "I love you. Don't forget that. And when this is all over, we're getting a giant tub of orange juice and watching the avatar movie. Happy?" Jake grinned, "You know how to spoil a chap."