So this is following the re-run of Lucky Stiff. I think the first time that aired I was so focused on the really hot club scene and then the scholarship part that I missed the smaller scene in the car and what the connotations of what Castle said could really mean. Anyhow, this is my take on Kate's thoughts from that moment.
The fact that her heart fluttered momentarily when she saw him approaching her car was the first detail that she would subconsciously omit from her journal entry. Kate sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, pen in hand, poised for the paper. There was something about those few minutes in the car, right before the guy with the dreads showed up, that Kate could not get out of her mind. What was it in those moments that had left her feeling…hopeful...all night? She realized she was grinning like a fool as she started to re-count the scene, and knew that smirking author must have crossed over her imaginary line of indifference that she was constantly re-drawing.
She was usually so guarded, and she knew that if she was trying to keep her armor up, she should have never repeated his words back to him verbatim. His ability to paint a picture with words was literally a million dollar talent, and it was seldom lost on her distinguishing ear. She prided herself, however, on not revealing how much pleasure she gleaned from his insights during their fast-paced exchanges. Sure, throughout the day she would listen closely for him to share a witty response or a brilliant factoid that tickled her fancy, but she was always careful to bury that brilliance away in her brain (or heart) and save it for later. Her journal was filled with vivid accounts and imagery that she would have never penned left to her own accord…but you add in a dash of Castle…and he can spice up any journal entry.
For the briefest moment she imagined with horror Castle flipping though her current, leather-bound journal and wondering why she was keeping track of his dialogue like some weird, psycho fan, which is exactly what Beckett was before she met best selling author Richard Castle in real life. Now that she had a front row seat to the man himself, she knew that along with the brilliant things he said, there came a lot of dumb.
He was unfiltered and unrestrained, which a lot of times led to chaos, but every now and then he would slip a truth into their banter that she found so fascinating that she had to ask for more. She found his thought process to be brilliant, and anyone who was looking for that would have noticed. She counted herself lucky that he didn't seem to notice.
Anyway, on this particular case, Castle had mentioned that "money doesn't change someone, it just magnifies their character", and it was a notion that Kate just couldn't stop pondering.
She watched him on the sidewalk as he failed to look inconspicuous before eagerly jumping into her car. His mere presence made things like watching a parked car more exciting. She gave him the rundown on how they had found their lead, wondering only fleetingly if he couldn't have come up with that scenario on his own, in his study, without her crime-fighting expertise to inspire it. If she allowed herself to think about it, she realized how laughable it was that he would need to be there for more research…but she didn't allow herself to think about it.
With a grin, she asked Castle what it was that he discovered about himself after he made his first big money. They didn't really talk about it much…all his money… but she knew him enough to know he wouldn't be embarrassed to share (because it seemed he never was). When he dead-paned that it was his inner child, she immediately believed him, however he opened up ever more when he said that the money bought him his freedom.
As she wrote the word freedom on the page it hit her that his revelation was what she couldn't get past…Rick Castle had the FREEDOM to do whatever he wanted, and there he was…following her around! Why did that fill her with such uninvited glee?
Her enjoying his research was something she could honestly say she never anticipated. It was funny for her to reflect on the beginning of their time together: she remembered back to the first conversation they had about bodies dropping and not considering the time of day. He had practically glowed with excitement and told her to never hesitate to call him. She considered pulling out that journal entry titled: "OMG I HAVE RICK CASTLE'S PERSONAL CELL NUMBER" but thought better of it, she had memorized what it said a long time ago anyway. It was because of those inexplicable girly moments of weakness that Kate had started to write in her journals again…they proved a perfect outlet for her self-described nonsense. So when she wrote, and only when she wrote, Kate allowed herself to be a psycho fan and wax poetically about what it means for Rick Castle to use his freedom to be with her. She felt it was a healthy exercise, one that kept her from making unhealthy choices in real life. No harm, no foul, and no one has to know about it…but as she flipped nonchalantly through her ink-covered pages, she was pretty sure that there were more than a few entries that would make Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook blush!