Never Saw The Sun
by Lacrimula Falsa
Disclaimer: All praise the Great Bird of the Galaxy. I do not own any part of the StarTrek franchise/universe. I do not own the song "Blue Skies". I write for fun, not for profit.
Summary: And he hears his father saying, in that thoroughly annoyed voice, "You broke it, you can damn well fix it." And in the background Irving Berlin with that stupid song. (AU, one-shot.)
A/N: Random inspiration, what can I say.
Warning!: Character death.
He doesn't mean to strike her, he doesn't.
But all he can hear is that she's talking about leaving, about leaving him. His Juliana, his darling wife, and she's saying how she doesn't understand him anymore.
"I don't know what you want!"
"I still want the same things, Juliana!"
"No. I think what you want is revenge for being overlooked."
And that's it, isn't it? That no one has ever really looked at him and now she isn't looking at him either.
He's just so angry, but more than that he's afraid. Because she wants to go away. And everyone always leaves him and why couldn't she be different!?
"Don't go!"
"Noonien, let go of me!"
He doesn't know why she's suddenly on the floor until he sees the blood running down her face, half obscured by her hair.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Juliana I'm sorry."
And he knows so much, about weight distribution and neural pathways and stabilising frames and wiring and it's all so damn useless.
He would try and staunch the bleeding but there's no bleeding to staunch, just a small trickle of blood but she's not waking up.
And he hears his father shouting at him, when he's thirteen, "Why do you always have to break everything, you useless boy?!"
And that's it, isn't it? He always breaks everything an that's why he doesn't have nice things.
"I'll fix it Juliana, I promise, I'll fix it."
But this cant be the end, because she can't die. Because if she's dead he'll be alone again.
...
It takes a long time, dragging her over to the machine, maybe too long but what choice does he have?
"I'll fix this, Julie. Just give me some time and I'll fix it."
That's what he says (to her, to himself, it doesn't matter anymore), while he works on her new body.
"Just you wait Julie, just wait a while and you'll be fine. No, not fine, you'll be better. I'll fix it. I promise."
He uses her old body for measurements. Then he buries it.
It, not her, because that's just a body and she's not dead.
She cant be dead.
...
And he realigns and re-adjusts, and tweaks and tries, and tries again.
And he hears his father saying, in that thoroughly annoyed voice, "You broke it, you can damn well fix it."
And he will, he will make it right, make it better, this time he'll fix it.
This time. Next time. Maybe.
But there's no such thing as failure, because there's always the next try.
...
In the end, it takes forty-eight tries. Forty-eight times praying (he doesn't believe so much as hope but maybe that's just something people do, praying), hoping, wishing and forty-eight times of rage and destruction.
But it works.
And that's it, isn't it? In the end, perseverance means success.
And he hears his father saying, in that thoroughly annoyed voice, "You broke it, you can damn well fix it."
And in the background Irving Berlin with that stupid song.
Never saw the sun
Shining so bright
Never saw things
Going so right
"I fixed it, Dad. This time I did."
Blue skies
Smiling at me
…
Nothing but blue skies
…
Do I see
Because she's smiling at him, and she's not dead. And what does it matter if there's a grave in the backyard.