A/N:
Hi everyone! This came to me earlier today, so I knew I had to post it ASAP! For those of you following my other stories, I promise I'll have at least one update posted before the new year.
Until then, Merry Christmas!
"Alright, alright, all of you shut up and gather round. I'm gonna read this here Christmas story." Qrow shouted over the ruckus taking place around him.
"Guys! Uncle Qrow's gonna read to us!" Ruby squealed, pulling her partner over as Yang did the same with less audible excitement.
"C'mon, Ren! Hurry up! I don't want to miss it!" Nora whined as she dragged the poor boy over to the group that was already sitting in a half circle around the shaggy hunter.
"Hold on. Klein, I'm going to need a drink." Winter sighed in defeat as she took a chair off to the side.
"As you wish, Ma'am." He bowed before quickly heading over to the drink trolley that stood in the corner of the room. He quickly unlocked the cabinet and started preparing her drink.
"Get me some scotch-" Qrow waved to get the butler's attention.
"No, you're already drunk enough." Winter cut him off with her sharp, cool tone.
"Can I-" Weiss started only to receive the same stare from her sister.
"Absolutely not." Winter replied, though with a fair bit more warmth than before. "Maybe next year."
The idle chatter in the room finally died down as Qrow cleared his throat and Klein returned with Winter's drink. Pyrrha had already slumped against her boyfriend who had his arm wrapped around her waist. The look on his face somewhere between embarrassed and serene. Even Ruby had shifted closer to Weiss who found herself keeping the younger girl from falling over.
"Ahem…. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring except for Jaune and Pyrrha because we all know how much combat practice that boy needs." Qrow spoke grandly as Yang burst out into laughter and even Weiss found herself snorting as she tried to keep in a giggle as Pyrrha soothingly kept Jaune from interrupting. "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads. Now, just a question to all of you - what drug did Papa Schnee lace their food with to make them hang laundry near a fire and dream of some crazy stuff like that?"
"Excuse me!" Winter sounded shocked and offended.
"I'll just let you guys think on that for now." Qrow waved her off as he returned to the story. "And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long Winter's nap - because you're actually nice to be around while you're asleep."
"Is there something I should know, Winter?" Weiss asked her sister who seemed to be at an impasse on whether she should just remain silent or beat Qrow with whatever was within reach.
"It's okay, Ice Queen. We were going to tell them anyways." Qrow shrugged and returned to the story. "When out on the rooftop there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Years of being a hunter will do that to you, even if you're inside a capital city."
"I know the feeling." Ren replied quietly with a glance at Nora who continued to nestle her head into his chest.
"I feel for you." Qrow shared a look of solidarity with the boy for a moment before continuing to the group at large. "Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash… or maybe I just gave it a good kick, 'cause I'll be damned if a grimm was tearing up Tai's begonias."
"Common, Uncle Qrow! You know dad likes tulips!" Ruby interjected, making almost everyone else fall into a fit of giggles at the revelation.
"Just don't tell him that you all know of his secret hobby." Qrow grinned as he continued. "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave a lustre of midday to objects below."
"I'm sorry, but how are there flowers if it's winter?" Blake asked, earning a glare from the storyteller.
"If you're going to complain about my storytelling, why don't you do it, huh?" Qrow replied with a glare as he took another swig of his flask that seemed to teleport to his hand and back to his breast pocket.
"I don't know this story." Blake replied quietly, shrinking back into Yang who was giggling profusely.
"Then stop your complaining!" Qrow said before clearing his throat again. "Where was I? Oh right…. When what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer. With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick. You know… after I got over the fact that he could move as fast as Ruby hopped up on a pot of coffee and a box of cookies."
"Hey!" Ruby pouted as Weiss pulled her into a gentle hug.
"He's right though." She whispered, making Ruby blush and bury her face into her partner's shoulder.
"More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! We broke that guy's window, so dash away all!"
"I'm fairly certain that isn't how it goes." Winter chimed in before she finished her drink and set the glass on the table beside her.
"It is now." Qrow shrugged with a grin. "As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the housetop the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too. You know, I have to stop for a moment and say that I feel bad for those animals, having to fly a fat guy and his crap up to some house when he could have just knocked on the front door."
"You know that's not the point, right?" Winter asked in exasperation. "This whole story is made up. Rein-deer's don't even exist."
"Says you!" Qrow argued in return.
"You know, it would be cooler if he had tamed, like a bunch of Griffons to do that!" Nora interjected.
"That's pretty bad-ass. But coming from the Ursa rider, I'd expect nothing less!" Qrow gave Nora a thumbs up and ignored the tired sigh coming from Winter and her sister.
"And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little claw-hoof thing. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. Now, the real question is whether or not that was because Yang had been trying to cook again."
"That was one time, and you know it!" Yang replied, but kept on laughing regardless.
"I remember four times myself." Pyrrha corrected, deciding to get a little more involved in the commentary.
"It's every time, trust us." Weiss shuddered alongside Ruby who looked like she was attempting to repress those horrid memories.
"You guys all suck!" Yang pouted as Blake shook with laughter but still pulled the blonde back into a cuddle.
"Tis the season…" Winter mumbled as Qrow cleared his throat again.
"A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! H-"
"He was drunk off his ass, like Qrow with my sherry!" Winter interrupted perfectly, now sporting an sly grin aimed at the scruffy storyteller.
"Hey, I told you I'd get you another bottle when I had the cash." Qrow tried placating her, but it didn't seem to work.
"That was a year ago." Winter deadpanned. "I've given up hope at this point, so just finish the damned story."
"I'm starting to wonder who's the real alcoholic here." Weiss whispered in Ruby's ear loud enough for everyone else to hear.
"I'm pretty sure they both are, Weiss." Jaune supplied with a nervous laugh. At least they can hold their liquor, unlike my aunt Carol."
"Jaune?" Pyrrha asked in confusion, never having heard the name before.
"Don't ask, Pyrrha. Just… don't." Ren put in his two cents with a dark look on his face.
"A-alright." Pyrrha's voice deflated at the look of horror that had possessed both the men on her team.
"Ahem… His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. Sort of like how most people picture Oz before they actually see him." Qrow continued. "The stump of a pipe he held tight with his teeth, and the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly - sort of like…"
Qrow trailed off at the deadly glare that Winter was giving him and he coughed as he tried to think of something else to say. Of course, in the end, he just gave up and cleared his throat again.
"Right… inappropriate." He mumbled as he took another breath. "He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, and laying a finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose."
"What, no commentary Qrow?" Winter goaded the man at the long passage with no comical remarks.
"Only that the chubbiness seems to start after thanksgiving, Winter." Qrow replied with a smirk, catching the glass that Winter had thrown at him with amazing reflexes. He poured a bit of his flask into the glass and downed half of it before returning his attention to the rest of the story. "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle - or like Jaune did twice during your initiation."
"How does he even know this stuff?" Jaune asked incredulously.
"Well… um…" Ruby cringed as she waved meekly at the boy. Pyrrha was near tears from giggling so hard and Weiss was a close second as everyone let loose their restrained laughter. "Sorry."
"Whatever. I guess I deserved that, though…" Jaune grumbled.
"Okay, back to the story." Qrow announced with a clap. "But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight - Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
"Merry Christmas everyone!" The two teams along with Qrow and Winter all shouted as they stood to get ready to turn in for the night.
"And as the first present, I'm giving Qrow a couch." Winter announced, pointing at the one that rested against the wall of the room. "Sleep on it."
Qrow sighed as everyone laughed at his predicament, but he couldn't say he didn't see this coming. He downed the rest of his drink and plopped down on the couch as everyone left the room.
Once the door clicked shut, he cracked one eye open and looked at the elaborately, yet childishly decorated tree. That had stood behind him throughout telling his story. "Merry Christmas, indeed."