More Than One Too Many
"What's for dinner? I'm starving. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Everyone's in a flap. It was a pip. Hot damn! The Ole Burg Grapevine is on fire! Everyone's talking about it. It was all going crazy at the Clip and C-…"
And there she was. Staring into space, mouth open. Hmm. I guess dinner is off the menu now. Something else was wrong. She looked awful. Something didn't smell good either. Ew!
"You did it again, didn't you? You can't leave well enough alone. Can you? Honestly. I thought I taught you better than that. You're a grown woman, for Chrissake! You and that God damn phone! Are you satisfied now?"
No response. The lights were on and no one was at home. I wonder which straw broke the camel's back. This is much better than I anticipated.
Respect. Total lack of respect and privacy.
And then I spotted it. Proof, clean and convincing. Ooh yeah, Baby. I snapped a photo with my phone and smiled smugly as I sent a quick text with the photo attached. Picking up the evidence, I placed it in the pocket of my newest and latest turquoise sweatsuit. Gotcha Ba-itch! Before I picked up her phone I smiled at the read out in Logs. Ooh yeah. Gotcha girl. Gotcha real good. That'll learn ya!
Earlier that same day…
A knocking at the front door, after seeing an older man walking up the sidewalk while I was cleaning the windows inside, had me curious. Wiping my hands on my apron and taking the gloves off, I opened it to be met by a smiling face. He tipped his imaginary hat.
"Is this the residence of a gorgeous sweet woman named Edna Mazur?" he asked politely with a twinkle in his eye. "You must be her beautiful daughter."
"Good morning. Yes, it is. Hm. Thank you." Smooth talker. Obviously one of Mother's old boyfriends. Pfft. Wish she would act her age. But I smiled my benevolent smile all the same.
"Well, that's just dandy. Could you give her this letter, please, Ma'am? And please don't say I called." With a conspiratorial wink and the universal shush signal, he about-faced and walked away.
Closing the door slowly, I flipped the envelope over front and back. Hm. Not sealed. I sat down at the kitchen table leaning the envelope against the vase of daisies and poured myself a cup of 'tea'. I took a sip watching the envelope. I tapped my fingers but my eyes were drawn to it.
I crossed myself. "Oh. What the hell." Gently and carefully, I prised open the rear of the envelope and pulled out the letter. It was handwritten. It looked like Frank's writing. I flipped over to the second page and sure enough, it was signed Frank. Well. That's a surprise. Strange, in fact.
Now I was dying with curiosity and after downing the rest of my 'tea' and making a quick refill, I proceeded to read the letter. I took another sip. Okay, a big swig, for courage.
Dear Edna,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am having a wonderful time here catching up with the boys. We've been out on the water and caught some fish much to their delight especially when I pulled in a big one. Biggest fish I ever caught. The boys were impressed. And before you say it, I have evidence, a photo. I will attach it to a text shortly when they send me a copy of the photo. They already have it framed and the boys love to tell the story over and over again. Apparently it's their favourite bedtime story.
Catching up has been good and getting some fresh sea air and sunshine has been invigorating. You should pop down. They'd love to see you again, soon. They enjoyed your last visit and keep asking after you. Pumpkin's looking good, glowing in fact. If I didn't know better, I'd say there's more to come.
That's weird. Frank's been gone a couple of weeks now, maybe even three. With the boys? Perhaps they are some of his Lodge mates or a couple of his Nam Vets. They used to get together every now and then. Come to think of it, more often lately than ever before. They must be getting ready for Thanksgiving really early too. Huh. Didn't realise he was into growing pumpkins. There you go. Find something new out every day, they say. But bedtime stories? Maybe he meant war stories of his days in Nam.
Well, we can have Valerie and her family here like old times and make a wonderful family Thanksgiving. Frank can do the carving, wearing that nice new apron I made especially for him. The table will be decorated in all its glory and the turkey will be perfect, with all the trimmings. I know how to make a good basting with an early start. Timing is everything. No lumps in my gravy!
At least, the important ones will be here. Hmm. I take another swig to toast the upcoming turkey preparations for an exemplary Thanksgiving.
The ones that count.
The loyal ones.
Those who understand the meaning of family.
Knocking back the rest of my 'tea' and topping it up for, you know, just in case, I settled back to read some more.
I made a shocking discovery this week and I felt so terrible. I was almost sick. They told me about the Tasty Pastry.
Huh? The Tasty Pastry? I thought they were only here in Trenton. Maybe it's a franchise and they have expanded.
Carlos held her as she cried, explaining the circumstances in details I had always feared would happen but thought, obliviously with good fortune, that we had escaped that curse. Alas, it was not to be. I honestly had no idea. I felt so ashamed. How did I not know? I'm surprised she even talks to me.
Uh, ohhh. I pour a hefty portion into my cup and down the lot. This does not bode well.
She said it wasn't my fault. Did you know, Edna? That bastard son of a bitch Morelli raped my Pumpkin behind the éclair case in the Tasty Pastry, at closing time. He preyed on her innocence and vulnerability and forced himself onto her. And Helen knew! She told me some cock and bull story and I believed her. "Women's business!" And I believed her, I trusted her judgment. That's how your daughter handled it and then punished Stephanie by grounding her for the entire summer. How did I not see this?
Then that son of a bitch rapist disappears off to the navy!
But I'm mighty proud that my Pumpkin evened the score with the Buick. She ran him down, remember that? But it was no accident. She laughed and confirmed that she deliberately aimed for him. That's my girl.
So. You want to hear something really good? Silly question. Of course you do. Well, after Carlos explained about those messages that were written around the town about Morelli's conquest, I was livid. Furious. That bastard! Man, was I itching to break bones! They calmed me down but I couldn't get past what he did.
I couldn't put the letter down. I quickly checked to make sure I was still alone. I ditched the empty bottle in the laundry hamper and opened a new one. But I felt compelled to read the rest. It was like a car crash. I crossed myself again. Taking another hefty swig for courage I focused on the next paragraph, once the words stopped swimming around the page.
Last week I drove back up to Trenton, you know, just for a day trip. I did some reconnaissance and made my plan. Picking up a cheap clunker, an American one, of course, from Al at the Wrecker's Yard, I went into hunting mode.
It was his day off. I chose the opportune moment when no one was around near Stark. I knew I wouldn't have any problems there. Besides, he was headed there. Perfect. As he crossed the road I tooted the horn and rammed him against the wall, crushing his legs. I got out of the car, just to make sure he was alive. Didn't really want to kill him, just maim him, permanently. No one messes with a Plum!
Then I got in his face. When he saw my eyes I was sure he was going to shit himself. I grabbed him by the balls and his dirty dick and asked him how he wanted them served. Balls first or his dirty dick first? His cojones will never be the same! I'm not apologising for my language, Edna. Knowing you, you are dancing your dentures around in your mouth with great relish and delight. I promised you details. I'm sure the Burg Grapevine will love that! But they don't need to know who. Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink. If you know what I mean?
Oh. My. Lord! Oh. My. Lord! I crossed myself as I felt the roiling acid in my stomach waver and stew. Quickly taking another sip, to calm my nerves, I braced myself and read on.
He began to whimper and I told him what I thought of him for raping my precious Pumpkin and God knows how many other innocent young girls. I told him how lucky he was that I didn't know then because he would definitely have been buried at sea with my SEAL contacts!
So I left him. His genitals won't be functioning as before. He can deal with that for the rest of his life.
I made sure to call it in and the paramedics were on their way. The clunker died on the spot. One of my Nam Vets picked me up. Having stayed the night with some of the guys from the Lodge the previous evening, it was apparent that my Pumpkin was not the only one whose cherry was popped by that SOB. So for good measure I reminded him of the consequences of his actions, because people in high places would not take the news well. Silence is golden, if he wants to live and not spend his days in jail as someone's new pet. Police officers who rape don't have a good survival rate, I reminded him and he paled significantly.
Oh my, oh my, oh my! I have to ring Angie! I have to tell her. I have to apologise. Joseph and Stephanie can still get married. She can nurse him back to health.
Shakily I dialled Angie Morelli's number. Wrong number! Oh my God.
Second time lucky. Angie answered after three rings. I blurted it all out. At least I thought it made sense. Angie was not in the best of moods. She yelled at me and threatened to send her Mother my way to give me the evil eye. She said Joseph was in hospital and didn't know what I was talking about. It was a hit and run accident. She didn't want Stephanie anywhere near her precious Joey. And she said I was drunk! How dare she! She hung up on me!
But, worst of all, Edna, I cannot believe that Helen lied! That she didn't have Stephanie's virtue and safety at heart. I was not able to protect her. To not be able to defend her and have all those sick bastards come calling thinking my daughter was easy and fast?! I could strangle her! Basically, she took Morelli's side and now she still goes on about wanting Stephanie to marry that bastard!
Uh. Oh. I think I'm in trouble. I retched. I tried to steady the room as I rinsed my mouth out with some water. Ew. I flushed it with some 'tea'. Oh, that's better.
When will she give it up, Edna? Stephanie and Carlos married four years ago and she is still in denial. It was such a beautiful and memorable day. And yet she still insists on talking about Joseph and Stephanie together. Stephanie won't let her near her boys. Not ever. Their third birthday party was a joy to behold. They really are delightful boys, finishing off each other's sentences. Twin grandsons and they love to fish with their Grand Daddy. They have taken to calling me Poppy. I'm a lucky man, a happy man.
I dropped my cup and spilled the rest of my 'tea'. Grand Daddy? Twins? Four years ago? She married that, that …. I was in shock. I flopped down onto the floor as my knees buckled involuntarily causing the table to wobble as I bumped it. Why me? Why wasn't I told? How come I have to find out this way? This cannot be true. The bottle slowly rolled off the table and shattered around me. My 'tea'! I couldn't move but the letter was still in my hand, the words swimming before me so I read on, once the papers stopped fidgeting or wobbling around.
I tell you, Edna. Moving out was the best thing I did. No more listening to her endless meddling, whining ways and phone calls with that constant gossip mongering. She has become such a harpy, an ugly, mean monster. I am so over it.
It's so pleasant and peaceful down here. And the air is cleaner! I eat better and life is good. Let me know when you are ready and we will pick you up.
Well, Edna. That's it for now. Let me know when you need help. I know you want to do things your way and I respect that. See you in the sunshine, soon, hopefully.
Warm regards,
Frank
"Helen. You're done. Done like a dinner. You are totally wasted."
I couldn't move. I tried. I felt so weird. I was a bit tipsy, I think.
Did Frank say moved? Who's moved? What did he move? Where's the turkey? I'm confused. Joseph will save Stephanie. Angie will help. I've got to get dinner ready. Why won't my legs move?
Mother was on the phone. I kept thinking about my 'tea'. I need some 'tea'. That'll make things better.
"Helen? Helen. These nice people are going to take you for a ride. They'll clean you up. You need to dry out. But for now, Helen, remember this and mark my words."
I looked at her. Yes. I was a bit wet.
"Helen? Helen! Karma, Helen. What goes around comes around. You have brought this on yourself. And, by the way, reading other people's mail is deceitful. You have had more than one too many!"
Well there you go.
Let me know what you think. Would love to see a comment.