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Title: "Dialogue" (1/1)

Author: Darkover, a.k.a. TheQueenly1

Rating: K

Disclaimer: I do not own Benton Fraser—would that I did—or any other characters of "Due South." No infringement of copyright is intended or should be inferred. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so please do not sue.

Characters: Benton Fraser, Dell Porter

Spoilers: "Gift of the Wheel Man"

Summary: Fraser's thoughts and feelings during his conversation with Dell Porter.

Author's Notes: I draw heavily on the dialogue written for a scene "Gift of the Wheel Man," and I ask the reader to forgive me for that, but the expression on Fraser's face as Dell is talking made me wonder what the Mountie was thinking and feeling right then. Thus, this story was born. Please read and review.

"First time he went to prison, I was six years old," Dell Porter was saying angrily. "I actually thought it was my fault."

Benton Fraser thought; When my mother died, I was six years old, and I thought it was my fault. No one ever bothered to explain otherwise.

Dell continued; "I thought if I didn't ask him for all those hip things kids ask their fathers for, like bikes and toys and whatever, he wouldn't go out and steal to get 'em for me. When he got out, I was so careful not to ask him for anything, because I thought if I did, he'd go out and do something like this again."

Fraser: My father left me with my grandparents, and did not return for what seemed like a very long time. When he did, I was so careful not to ask him for anything, so as not to appear needy. It would have been considered weak, and neither my father nor his parents could abide weakness, even in a child. When he left again, I was careful not to cry, not to give in to my feelings and beg him to stay, because I thought if I did, he might not come back ever again.

Dell was saying, "Y'know, all I ever wanted was to have him here with me. But it didn't matter what I wanted, did it? He didn't give a damn about me! He didn't even tell me about this, he just went out and did it!"

Fraser thought: I know. All I ever wanted was to have my father with me. I loved my grandparents, but I wanted to be with him. But it didn't matter what I wanted. He never asked. He always just left again.

Dell said: "Well, you know what? This isn't my fault! And he's not my responsibility!"

Fraser said silently; It isn't your fault. But even if he isn't your responsibility, you still have a duty to him. He is your father…just as my father is mine.

Dell said: "He can go back to jail! He can go to hell for all I care."

Fraser thought: No. He has a plan. Just as, or so I'm beginning to believe, my father does. Would he have come back if he didn't have something important to do? Out loud, Fraser said; "Oh, he isn't going back to prison, Dell. That's not his plan at all. He's going to let you know where the money is. Then he'll kill the Donnellys. Then he'll kill himself." The Mountie nodded slightly in response to Dell's unbelieving expression. "He'll make it look as though the money was destroyed. You'll get it all. He's planning to die. And he's doing this for you." Even as he spoke, Fraser's thoughts continued; Could Dad have come back for me, at least in part? Dell doesn't understand why his father did the things his father did, so Dell assumes that his father doesn't love him. He is wrong…and maybe I was wrong about my father.

Dell said quietly; "You know when I was most proud of him?"

Fraser did not answer, except to think; When he did the right thing, even when it was hard? That was always when I was proudest of my father. Maybe Dad is trying to do the right thing, even now.

Merry Christmas, Dad.