Star Eds
A New Ed
Chapter 1: Secret Plans
Author's Note: I came up with this idea while reading Paper Mario Eds by TrueSapphire. I wanted to do an Ed, Edd n Eddy crossover as well. I had recently seen The Force Awakens, so of course making a crossover with Star Wars came to mind. I have been working on this story since February, albeit with many holdups coupled with lack of motivation!
P. S. I wanted to keep the spirit of the original EEnE TV show, so please don't be alarmed if this story seems exaggerated with its descriptions at times.
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd n Eddy or Star Wars. (If I owned Star Wars, though, I wouldn't have edited it so heavily!)
One rainy day, the Eds were at Ed's house. They were terribly bored, and they were looking for something to do.
"Oh dear," sighed Edd. "What on earth shall we do today?"
"It better not be another one of Ed's horror movies," muttered Eddy. "I jumped out of my skin last time we saw one!"
They looked all over the house for things to do, but nothing piqued their interest. They were running out of ideas when Ed popped from behind Edd and Eddy, wearing a Darth Vader mask.
"Eddy, I am your father!" he boomed. Edd and Eddy screamed out of fright.
"Don't you dare do that again, lumpy!" yelled Eddy.
"Brilliant!" cried Edd. "I know exactly what we can do today!"
A short time ago, in a galaxy near, near here...
STAR EDS
EPISODE IV: A NEW ED
It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to yada yada yada... I think you know the story.
The Blockade Runner was fighting off an Imperial Star Destroyer over Tatooine. The Imperial Star Destroyer scored a hit on the main reactor of the rival ship, effectively preventing it from going further. The hit shook up the ship real hard. The floor was quaking, and crew members could feel the jolt resulting from the impact.
"Curses, the Imperials are going to come any minute!" cried Edd, the ship's technician.
"Mayday! Mayday!" wailed Ed, a rebel troop who also happened to be the Alliance's mascot. The two rebels were escorting R2-D2 to Princess Leia when the attack had occured. Alarms were blaring and rebel troops were running down the corridor. They put themselves in position, ready to intercept any Stormtroopers that might barge in.
"Oh dear, we won't escape this time," muttered Edd.
Suddenly, there was a clanking noise. It came from the Imperial Star Destroyer, which had loomed over the Blockade Runner and swallowed it. A different clanking noise, this time of running Imperial troops, could be heard afterwards. The rebel troops aimed their blasters at the door, preparing for the expected ambush. Said door was blasted open and Stormtroopers came pouring out at a rapid speed.
Havoc was in the air as they shot back and forth at each other, causing quite a few casualties. It was an intense fight, but the Stormtroopers wouldn't stop coming.
"Come on, Ed, let's get out of here!" called Edd. And the two snuck away with R2-D2 in the confusion of battle, dodging any shots that could have potentially struck them.
As soon as Ed and Edd left with R2-D2, the Stormtroopers had finally overpowered the rebel troops. Following them was a tall man with an intimidating breathing noise in a similarly frightening mask and equally menacing suit marched into the ship, eyeing the corpses in the aftermath of the scuffle before marching on with the Stormtroopers. It was Darth Vader, and he had invaded the ship to find the plans the rebels stole.
Ed and Edd had successfully delivered R2 to Leia in a side corridor. She inserted a data chip containing the secret plans into R2-D2 while they stood nearby.
"Ed, escort R2 to an escape pod," commanded Leia. "The Imperials mustn't get to these plans!"
"Will do, Your Highness!" said Ed, saluting the princess.
"Oh, and bring C-3PO with you. He might be useful if someone doesn't speak Basic."
"Yes-sir-ee!"
And Leia and Edd left to hide from the Stormtroopers while Ed went to find C-3PO.
By some coincidence, C-3PO was in the same corridor, also looking for R2-D2.
"Artoo-Deetoo, where are you?" he muttered to himself.
"We're here!" called Ed.
"Thank goodness you're here, guys! I was worried that you got caught along with them!"
And indeed, as they could see in the main corridor, the Imperials were rounding up rebel troopers here and there and bringing them to Darth Vader. The captured rebels had their hands up in surrender. Ed and the droids also saw Captain Antilles mixed in with them.
"Lord Vader, the Death Star plans are not in the main computer," reported a Stormtrooper. Darth Vader clutched his neck in response, choking him. Them he clutched Captain Antilles' neck while the poor Stormtrooper gasped for breath.
"Where are those intercepted transmissions, and what have you done with the plans?" Darth Vader demanded. Ed and C-3PO winced, still watching from the side corridor.
"This is a consular ship on a diplomatic mission," replied Captain Antilles, struggling for air. "We didn't intercept any transmissions..."
"Well, if this is a consular ship, then where is the ambassador?" snapped Vader, snapping Captain Antilles' neck as well. Captain Antilles' head flew off, ricocheting off the wall. His body fell to the ground.
Oh, I can't watch anymore!" cried C-3PO.
"My eyes are burning!" wailed Ed, covering said eyes.
"Search the ship until you've found the rebel plans and bring the passengers and their princess to me! And I want them alive!"
"Roger that!"
And so the Stormtroopers dispatched throughout the ship. One of them tripped on Captain Antilles' body.
When the droids heard Vader issue the order to the Stormtroopers, they decided to flee. Ed was still peering out the side corridor entrance.
"Oh, no! If they find the princess and the other passengers, they'll have our ship melted into a big puddle of goo like that liquid assassin robot in that one movie!" he said to himself before the droids got him away. However, a Stormtrooper managed to spot him and rallied a few of his comrades to follow the three.
Leia and Edd peeked out from their hiding place, eyeing the Stormtroopers headed their way. They failed to hide before they were noticed.
"There they are! Set for stun!" said one of the Stormtroopers.
"Oh, dear," cried Edd. "We've been caught!"
Leia attempted to defend herself and Edd, shooting at least one of them down, but another stunned them. Leia and Edd were picked up and taken away.
"Inform Lord Vader we found the princess and her steward," said another Stormtrooper.
"You imbecile!" scolded C-3PO. "You could've given away our position!"
"Uh-oh, did I do something wrong?" asked Ed, abashed.
"Of course you did, you nincompoop! If the Imperials find us, we're doomed!"
"Oh, no! They'll take us to the woodchipper and turn us into tomato soup!"
"Euggh! Oh, once we get caught, we're doomed. And it'll be all your fault, Ed!"
Just then, R2 beeped at them before going in another direction.
"R2, we can't go this way," said C-3PO. "We're not permitted there!"
R2 blipped, explaining the assignment given by the princess to him.
"A secret mission? To deliver the hidden plans? What-"
"Cool!" butted in Ed. "I wanna go!"
"Stay out of this, you smelly little cretin! Now where was I? What do you mean a secret mission, R2?"
R2 buzzed at him, as if he was losing patience with his friend.
"No, I'm not going with you!" 3PO replied.
Just then, they saw a few blasts coming toward them.
"Oh, this is bad!" cried Ed, picking R2 and 3PO up and carrying them the rest of the way while evading the Stormtroopers.
When they made it to the escape pod bay, Ed threw the droids into one of the escape pods and got in with them. He was gasping for breath.
"Are you sure we'll be alright out there?" asked C-3PO while R2 activated the escape pod.
"Uhh... Buttered toast?" replied Ed.
"Humph! Give me a real answer, will you, you twit?"
"There they are!" exclaimed one of the pursuing Stormtroopers, who had apparently persisted in their chase. But before they could round Ed and the droids up, the escape pod closed and was ejected into outer space.
"Drat," said another Stormtrooper. "They got away."
The escape pod was floating on its way to Tatooine. From the Star Destroyer, an Imperial Officer spotted the escape pod.
"There goes another," he said.
"Shoot it," said his comrade to the gunner. The gunner tried to shoot it, but somehow the turret wouldn't fire.
"We can't, the turrets have malfunctioned," the gunner said.
"Stupid rebel scum... They won't be so lucky next time..." muttered the first officer.
The Stormtroopers marched Leia and Edd to Darth Vader.
"Darth Vader," said Leia. "Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not stand for this. When they hear you attacked a diplomatic-"
"Don't fib, Your Highness. You weren't on a mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by rebel spies, and I demand to know what happened to them," Vader replied.
"Excuse me, mister, but what entitles you to-" began Edd before he was cut off.
"I don't know what you're talking about," lied Leia. "We are members of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan."
"You are traitors under the Rebel Alliance," stated Vader, losing his calm and collected demeanor. "Take them away!"
And so the Stormtroopers escorted the princess out of the ship. Darth Vader and the commander walked in the opposite direction, discussing the matter of what to do with the princess.
"Holding her is dangerous," explained the commander. "It will most certainly generate support for the rebellion in the Senate should anybody find out."
"I've traced the rebel spies to her, and she is my only link to finding their secret base."
"She'd rather die than tell you anything."
"Leave everything to me. Send a distress signal and inform the Senate that all on board were killed. Then we shall interrogate her and her steward."
"Lord Vader, the secret plans are nowhere to be found, and there were no signs of any transmissions made," informed another commander. "During the fighting, a single escape pod was jettisoned. A single lifeform was found, but somehow the turrets had malfunctioned, so he got away."
"That escape pod must have had the secret plans stowed away in it. Send an attachment down to investigate. See to it personally, commander. There can't be anyone to stop us this time."
"Yes, sir."
"How peculiar," commented C-3PO, looking at the Blockade Runner from the escape pod. "The damage to the ship doesn't look as bad from out here."
R2 whistled in agreement.
"Are you certain this thing is safe?"
Just then, they felt the ship spin with a jolt.
"Oh!" gasped C-3PO. Ed had pressed a button on the control panel out of curiosity. He looked quite peppy.
"Cool, he commented. "It does barrel rolls!"
"Don't touch those buttons, you idiot!" scolded C-3PO. But Ed pressed the button again. "Oh, this is so disorienting!"
Please, stay tuned for the next chapter! (And yes, I will introduce Eddy into the story in the next chapter.)