"Sometimes, we only realize the true value of something once it's gone. The same applies for people. We push them away without realizing how much impact they made: how they made us feel complex emotions.
How they brought light to our eyes and smiles on our lips.
How they annoyed the heck out of us and at the same time, how happy and contented we are when they're beside us.
How we treasured them. Loved them. Held them dear.
In the end, we feel regret, wallowing on the fact that we were just cowardly. We could have done much more for them: telling them how important they were even when they constantly bicker with us, telling them they were loved, telling them we were grateful for what they have given us.
The worst kind of regret is not regretting something we have done. It is regretting not doing things we should have done when we still had the chance.
No matter how broken we are and no matter how pained we feel, the world doesn't and won't give a damn. The hands of the clock would continue ticking. The days would pass by in a blur. The planet would keep on spinning. Life would go on, leaving us behind, leaving us with only one choice:
Accepting the fact that we have lost them forever.
After all, this is the least we could do to repent for our sins."
As his final thoughts were put on paper, fat drops of tears escaped Midorima's eyes. He tried to stop the generous amount of cascading tears, but it was all futile.
He eyed the suit hung on the wall of his room.
Maybe this was for the best.
Midorima caressed the soft fabric with a melancholic expression, eyes red from tears. Her mother chose the outfit for him, saying that he'll look wonderful in it. He asked her help because he wanted to look his best.
After all, he deserves it.
He crawled to bed, feeling like a child again. It was times like this that made him want to just hug his parents tight, just like when he was a kid. The green-haired man curled to the smallest position possible and covered himself with the thick covers.
Deep inside his heart, he dreaded for tomorrow to come.
"Shin-chan, Shin-chan!" Takao's voice broke as he frantically called out to Midorima who walked as fast as he could.
"Shin-chan!"
The pain in the hawk-eyed boy's voice was too much that Midorima's resolve almost shattered. The green-haired Miracle stopped walking, and felt smaller hands desperately wrap around his.
"You don't have to do this, Shin-chan." Midorima turned around, only to see Takao smile ruefully. "Tell me what's wrong with me, I promise I'll change, I promise I'll make everything okay again. Please, Shin-chan, please-"
"Takao."
"Is my personality really annoying? I promise not to annoy you ever again-"
"Kazunari."
"And if I'm not being a good lover to you, I promise to be more-"
"Kazunari!" Midorima shouted and pulled his hand away, much to the shock of the younger boy. He averted his gaze from Takao's pained expression and heaved a long sigh before saying something he knows he might regret in the future.
You can still take everything you said away. You can still turn back.
"I'm afraid of what the others might think, Takao. I'm scared of the future, scared of what is about to come, scared of what it'll do to me."
"But-"
"I was really happy being with you. It made me feel contented. But I'm not so sure anymore if we're the ones meant for each other."
Takao's eyes narrowed. Midorima could see him clenching his fists so tightly it made his knuckles white. "What makes you say that? Who are you to decide that?!" he screamed, fists banging on the taller man's chest, but it wasn't even painful. The punches were too weak, and Midorima couldn't feel anything anymore. It's as though his heart had stopped beating.
"This is for the best. If we continue, it won't do us any good."
Takao covered his face with his hands and wept, and it was killing Midorima. His cheeks were now wet without him realizing. Without thinking, he reached out to hug the crying boy, but in the end, decided to keep his hands to himself. He has no right to touch Takao now that he hurt him.
The green-haired boy slowly backed away from Takao.
There's no turning back.
After giving a final glance, Midorima turned around and started to walk away.
"Don't go," were the last words Midorima heard before sprinting as fast as he could home.
From the brilliant cloth designs to the beautiful flower arrangements lined up between the pews and the aisle, one could really see at first glance that the design was well-thought. It gave a comfortable and sentimental atmosphere to those who came to witness the sacred and special event.
Midorima didn't know where to sit. He was having an inner turmoil and his thoughts were in a mess. He stood there without knowing what to do for several seconds when slender fingers wrapped around his shoulder.
He looked around to see Takao's mom staring at him. There was a deep frown on her face, but it quickly transformed to a small smile.
"It's really you, Midorima-kun."
Midorima was confused with the attitude of the woman to her. He left her son and made him cry. How could she smile at him like nothing happened?
"Takao-san, I-"
Takao's mother quickly interrupted. "Now, now. Before we resume our conversation, come sit with me at the front row." The smile was still there.
"I couldn't possibly-"
"No. You will sit with me, and that's that. Come, Midorima-kun." The kind woman guided the man to the front row where they sat next to each other afterwards. Midorima took in the features of the woman. Eight years may have passed, but she was still as beautiful as before. There were noticeable wrinkles on her forehead, but it didn't hinder her beauty from coming out. She also emitted the same kind aura from before.
"How are you doing, now?" Takao's mother asked.
Midorima rubbed his nape. "I am doing fine. I was finally accepted in a big hospital as a doctor. In fact, I have been working for more than two weeks now."
"A doctor! You once told me that you have always wanted to be a doctor. I'm happy for you, Midorima-kun."
"Thank you."
How could she talk to me so casually? Midorima thought, fiddling with his thumbs. The kindness of the woman beside him made him want to cry. He didn't deserve this. He was totally okay with Takao's mother strangling him, beating him up, shouting at him. Maybe not now, since they wouldn't want to cause a scene, but later.
"You..."
Midorima's whole body tensed.
"You're probably confused why I could talk to you normally, aren't you?" The woman's eyes pierced right through his soul.
Midorima just nodded.
"When Kazu went home with a deadpan expression, I immediately knew that something happened. His eyes were swollen, so I asked him what was wrong. He didn't tell me. I only learned about your breakup a week after when Kazu broke down in front of me."
Takao's mother placed her hand on top of Midorima's cold one. "I was really angry at that time, but afterwards, I decided that I shouldn't listen to only one side of the story. So now, eight years later, even if it's already too late, I'm gonna ask you: why did you break up with Kazunari?"
The spectacled man decided to confront everything once and for all.
"I was a mess at that time. My parents' expectations were way too high; I've been struggling to balance everything. I thought that as long as Takao's by my side, I wouldn't have to fear anything. But weeks before graduation, my mother told me to go to a different university than what I planned. What Takao and I planned."
Midorima glanced at Takao's mother. She was listening intently, as if listening to a child's explanation.
"If I went to a different university with Takao, things would be hard. Going in med school was hard enough, but I didn't think I could still bear having a long-distance relationship. I decided to end everything."
"But..." The tall man's lips trembled. "I was selfish. I thought, I assumed that we won't last if we went to different schools. I knew that Takao loved me, loved me so much to ever give up on us. I should have talked to him, asked him what he wanted to do. If only I could turn back time, I'll... I'll..." He covered his face with his left arm.
Stop. Don't cry here. You have no right to cry here, of all places.
After a few seconds of silence, Takao's mother gave him a pat on the back. '"I understand. I understand, now. We're only human, we all make mistakes. We feel anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and dread. Because of that, we tend to make rash decisions that we regret afterwards. What's worse is that there is no way to turn back time. We all live shouldering all the regrets we have, the weight crushing us, the weight knocking our breaths out. Still, we continue living."
"I also have regrets myself, after all."
Takao's now standing near the altar, waiting for Konno Akemi to walk down the aisle. He looked amazing in his three-piece suit. Earlier, Takao went to thank Midorima for coming to his wedding. Afterwards, there were no more words exchanged. Midorima was too hurt to answer and just nodded, while Takao's melancholic expression told everything.
After the ceremony, everything ends between us.
They may have met again after many many years, but it was only to get a glimpse of each other's lives. Nothing has changed.
Looking back, when they were in their second-year of highschool, Midorima didn't go as far as imagining his wedding with Takao. He preferred to live in the present, to just enjoy the time he has with the person he likes.
But now, right now, he could imagine it.
The two of them in their best suits. The fluttering feeling in his stomach. The tears threatening to fall from his eyes and the breathtaking view of Takao walking down the aisle. The two of them promising forever. The sparkle in Takao's eyes and the beautiful smile splattered on his lips as he leans down to kiss him.
But everything is different now.
Takao is in his best suit, and Konno is in her simple but elegant gown. The pleasant fluttering in Takao's stomach and the harsh pounding in his chest. The breathtaking view of the dazzling bride as he walks down the aisle to the love of his life. The contented smiles on their faces as they promise forever.
Everything is different.
"I promise to laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. Your dreams will be my dreams and I will support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with understanding and speak to you with encouragement. Together, let us build a home filled with laughter and light, shared freely with all who may live there. Let us be partners, best friends and lovers, today and all of the days that follow," Takao softly promised as he slid the ring to Konno's finger. Konno looked like she was holding back tears.
It's now the bride's turn. Konno looked at Takao with all the love in the world and gently took hold of his hand.
" I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow old with you. I will love you even when we are far apart. I promise to listen to your woes and to celebrate with you in your successes. I promise to support your dreams and to respect our differences, and to love you and be by your side through all the days and nights of our lives." The ring she slid on Takao's finger fit perfectly on the man.
The priest said a small prayer and afterwards, the chapel register was signed.
Midorima wanted to stab his ears until they bleed so that he won't hear the priest's next words.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The priest eyed Takao, smiled and said, "You may now kiss the bride."
All the people: the families and friends of Takao and Akemi, kept their eyes open wide as Takao removed the veil covering Konno's face.
But a certain green-haired male kept his eyes shut.
"We all live shouldering all the regrets we have, the weight crushing us, the weight knocking our breaths out. Still, we continue living."
A/N: I honestly don't know what drove me into writing this. Maybe it's because of my writer's block for my YowaPeda fics :3 I'm not even heartbroken or anything, so there might be less feels in this one.
Actually, this was inspired by a comment I saw in one of Grammarly's posts about Ernest Hemmingway's six-word story (that one was sad):
"Loved someone. Went to her wedding."
So... yeah.
I've been thinking of writing the story in Takao's POV to further explain what happened during those eight years and why the heck Midorima came to Takao's wedding, as well as Takao's thoughts and feelings.
Maybe I should.
Thanks for reading!
~Katcchan