I'm Sorry by believesvueo
"All this time We were waiting for each other All this time I was waiting for you We got all these words Can't waste them on another So I'm straight in a straight line Running back to you…" All This Time by One Republic
It was Monday morning and the precinct is quiet. Everyone seems to be doing paperwork. Usually, when Detective Kate Beckett walks into the precinct, she either has coffee on her desk already made by the famous author Richard Castle, who has been shadowing her for the past two years or he is walking into the precinct carrying coffee and a bear claw. Sometimes he would bring donuts. Everyday without fail, he had breakfast for her. But for the past week, Castle was nowhere to be seen in the crime scene nor the precinct. Both Esposito and Ryan were afraid to ask. Ever since the New York Times ran photos of the detective and the writer boy having dinner and holding hands a little over a month ago, things have been tense between the two. Beckett had mostly ignored the writer boy. It was pathetic to see and both Ryan and Esposito felt sorry for the man. He looked like a lost puppy, following his owner who didn't wanna have anything to do with him. Normally, they would joke around with him following Beckett around but this was different. They really did felt for Castle. As much as they love having him around, it was almost a relief to not see him this past week.
They love and respect Beckett as a boss, friend and a sister but she was too stubborn sometimes for her own good.
Esposito decided to be brave and ask.
"Hey Beckett, where's your shadow? We haven't seen him in over a week."
Just when Beckett was about to answer with a glare, Captain Montgomery walked up to their desks.
"Well, we won't be seeing Richard Castle around here from now on. I just got a phone call from the man himself and he told me that his research is done and that he won't be shadowing Detective Kate Beckett any longer. I'm sure you're happy Beckett?"
The words barely registered in her head when her phone started ringing. Not quite sure how to respond to Montgomery's question, she picked up her phone instead.
"NYPD, this is Detective Kate Beckett. Where? Okay. We'll be there."
Ryan. Esposito. We got a body. C'mon let's go."
Hoping that nobody noticed her looking at the chair next to her desk, where Castle usually sits, she shook her head before running to the elevator to catch up to Ryan and Esposito.
When the three detectives got to the crime scene, her best friend Dr, Lanie Parish, the Medical Examiner, was already there.
Lanie looked up to find the three detectives coming her way but frowned when she saw that the writer boy wasn't with them. She had noticed that in the past week, the writer boy had not been around. She didn't push Kate to tell her what is going on knowing fully well how Kate closes off when she feels trapped or pressured.
"Writer boy must have had a long night?"
"What Lanie? What do you mean?"
"So, you two monkeys haven't told her what you saw on Page Six?"
"We were about to when the Captain broke the news about Castle."
Just then, Esposito, Lanie and Ryan's phones went off.
After reading their text message, they then turned their eyes on Beckett.
What?"
"Nothing.
"What about Castle, Esposito?"
"He called and said that he's done shadowing Beckett."
"Really? "
"Yeah, really. I tell you though, if I had a woman that looked like that girl he was pictured with last night, I'd rather be spending time exploring her than exploring dead bodies."
Irritated, Kate snapped.
"So are we here to talk about this dead body or talk about Castle's sex life?"
"Who said anything about Castle's sex life?"
"Can we just not talk about Castle? The man said he's done with us so let's just move on."
They had interviewed witnesses around the park but they came up empty. By the time they got done canvassing the area, it was already 5 o'clock. Beckett told Ryan and Esposito to go home. She said she will be the one to talk to Lanie about the victim.
When she got to her desk, there was a note on her computer screen. It was from Lanie. She had ID'ed the victim.
Before heading off to meet the victim's family to tell them that their daughter is dead, Kate decided to see Lanie.
Kate knew she needed to apologize to Lanie for snapping at her.
"Hey Lanie."
"Hey."
"I'm sorry, Lanie about earlier."
"It's okay, sweetie. What's going on? Talk to me Kate."
"I really think I messed up Lanie."
"What happened with you and Castle?"
"You saw the pictures on New York Times, Lanie."
"Kate I know how much you value your privacy but this Nikki Heat has been going on for two years now. If you really had a problem with this, then you should have talked to the Mayor. Kate, I hate to tell you this but you are right, you really messed up."
"I just freaked out, I guess?"
You guess? Kate, you didn't freak out because your pictures were in New York Times, you freaked out because you realized how much you like the writer boy. You freaked out because you realized how much you enjoy being with him on a personal level. You freaked out because despite your efforts to not fall for his charms, you did. You freaked out because despite all his childish antics, Richard Castle is a man, who would stop at nothing to show you how much you mean to him."
"Lanie…"
"Admit it girl, Richard Castle is a really, really good man. He is ten times the man Will or any man, you have been with or will come across with. Kate, if I ever meet a man who looks at me the way Castle looks at you, I will marry him in an instant. This man worships the ground you walk on. He has seen you at your worst and at your best. You have pushed him away and yet, he keeps coming back. Kate, you're a very stubborn woman. I love you but you are really stupid if you let this man get away."
"Lanie, did you just call me stupid?"
"I believe I did."
"You're right. But what do I do Lanie?"
"Just speak from the heart."
"Lanie, that woman in the picture with Castle, is she really beautiful?"
"Kate Beckett insecure? Wow."
"Lanie, c'mon."
"You have nothing to worry about. I think writer boy only has eyes for you. Go and change those sad eyes of his into the happy ones I am used to seeing."
"Did Castle send you a text message earlier? I'm not dumb Lanie. I saw the looks you gave each other when all your cell phones went off."
"He invited us to his house this Friday for an evening of food, drinks and poker."
"He did, huh? I will definitely let him know how I feel."
"Kate…"
"I will call you, later."
"You better."
She didn't realized how much she truly missed having Castle around until tonight. Talking to the families of the victims is always the difficult part of her job but having Castle there made it a little easier to do and deal with. But tonight, with Castle not with her, she almost lost it. The strength and comfort she was so used to for the past two years is not there. The space next to her felt cold and empty. She sat in the car and for the first time, since the night she had shot Dick Coonan in the precinct to save Castle's life, she cried. She cried because the thought of losing Castle was too much to bear. The thought of him not there with her and that he had finally given up on her, was so heartbreaking. She took a deep breath and now it's time to face the music.
She knocked nervously on the door of Castle's posh Manhattan apartment. It was late she knew that, maybe she should have called. But she tried that this week and all her calls went straight to voicemail.
When the door opened, it felt like the world stood still for her. Castle looked awful. His shirt disheveled and hair, all messy.
"Detective Beckett, what are you doing here? Did I break any law? Are you here to arrest me?"
"Castle. Are you okay? You're drunk."
"I'm not drunk. I had a little too much to drink but I am not drunk. And for your information, Detective, I didn't drive. You smell really good. Cherries."
"Castle."
"What? If you are here to lecture me about drinking, guess what, you can just turn around and leave. I have a mother you know?"
Taken aback by the angry tone of his voice, Kate gathered up all her strength to stop her feet from moving towards the door.
"Detective Beckett, what are you doing here? I really want to get some sleep."
"Castle, can we talk?"
"Talk? So now you want to talk. The past month I have been trying for us to talk but you refused to talk to me. Oh no, you did talk but you refused to let me talk and hear me out. So can we talk? I'll make you a deal, you let me talk and then you can either stay or leave."
She could feel her anger rising. Castle had never talked to her in this tone before. But I guess, this is what it must have been like for Castle for the past month. God, she was awful to him, she thought.
She nodded and Castle took that as a sign to continue.
"Kate, do you realize how much I love you? Do you know how much I care about you? I wake up every morning hoping that I could put a smile on your face. And when I see you smile, then I know I have done something right. For two years, I have waited for you to give me just one chance to prove to you that I am that guy for you. When you said "yes" to go out with me that night, I felt like I was the luckiest man on earth. And when I held your hand for the first time, I couldn't be any happier than I was at that moment. And when I kissed you good night at your door, there was no turning back for me. Kate, I don't know what you are so afraid of. Do you know that you changed my life the moment I saw you? I knew that my life would never be the way it was. I'm not deaf and I am certainly not blind, I hear what people say about me when I walk into the precinct everyday. I hear snickering and laughing that I follow you around like a puppy."
"Castle."
"Kate, I am not done yet. Do you think I am following you around because I am doing research? Do you know why I sit and just watch you paperwork? You say it's creepy but when I see you engrossed in your work, I see so many things and I admire you even more. Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you even have any idea how stunningly gorgeous you are and whenever you walk into a room, I see you and only you. Do you remember when you asked me to leave you alone and I said I tried that and it didn't work? Do you know that you are the only woman I have ever chased? A long time ago, Kyra told me she needed space and I gave it to her. Years later, she told me that she expected me to follow her but I didn't. Meredith cheated on me and she asked for my forgiveness. I gave her divorced papers. The same goes for Gina. Every woman that I have ever loved or been involved with, I never once apologized. I never once chased. You're the only one Kate. If what you are afraid of is because of my history, Kate, I am telling you this, I would never, ever cheat on you. I would and could never hurt you intentionally. Believe me, if I ever do that, I would shoot myself. Plus, my mother and Alexis would never forgive me, if I ever did anything to cause you pain. And about my lifestyle, Kate, believe me when I say thins, I would rather spend a night with you, curled up in bed, eating ice cream and watching a movie over these elaborate parties that my agent seems to always put me up to. And of course, having mind blowing sex with you. You, wearing nothing but my shirt, there's no competition Kate. You are the one for me. It's all or nothing for me."
Kate stood there shocked at Castle's honesty. But she knows how sincere he was. He had already sobered up half way through his speech. She decided to be brave and take the plunge. The water could be hot or it could be cold but she didn't care. It's Richard Castle, and it's worth it.
She moved forward to where he was standing and cupped his face with both her hands and kissed him with all the passion that she had in her. It's been way too long since they kissed that night at her door. The kissed became urgent and she deepens the kiss even more. Needing air, she broke the kiss.
"I'm sorry."
"What matters is that you're here."
"There's no place I'd rather be."
"So how was work today?"
"Tough. We found a body and I had to talk to the parents. It was so hard not having you there."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just don't do it again, okay?"
"I promise."
"So did the boys miss me?"
"Speaking of the boys, Castle, you know you and I have a couple of things to discuss."
"Hmmm. What did I do? Before you answer that, let me pour you a glass of wine, my lady. Did you have dinner yet?"
"No, I haven't yet. I was working all the evidences all day and then I finally got an ID on the victim. I talked to the parents before coming here. So, I am really starving."
"Alexis cooked spaghetti. Let me give you some bread first and then you can have some wine. Why don't you just sit and I'll heat it up for you?"
"Okay. So about this party that you are having on Friday, I seem to be the only one not invited."
"Not true, my love. We are hosting it. You, me, Alexis and Mother."
"Good answer. And about this actress you were photographed with last night, who is she?"
"What actress?"
"Oh, I don't know. Tall, blonde, and a killer body, I heard."
"Oh, her. I was having drinks with the publisher and this movie producer, he brought her. They are thinking of making "Heat Wave' into a movie."
"And this actress is there, why?"
"I think that the Studio wants her to play Nikki Heat."
"So you really didn't notice her looks? Or her body?"
"Kate, I don't even remember her name."
"Ah, that's an even better answer. So, about this movie?"
"These are just talks. I meant to ask you, do you mind going with me on these meetings. After all, you are my inspiration for Nikki Heat and I really want your suggestions and your opinions."
"Castle, that is really, very thoughtful of you. But I have work you know. But I will, when I can."
"Okay."
"But I trust you. You know me and you know Nikki Heat. We can discuss things and then, make the decisions together. We'll also ask Alexis and Martha. And I definitely want to have a say on who plays Nikki Heat.
"I wouldn't want it any other way. How about Charlize Theron playing Nikki Heat and Brad Pitt playing Rook."
"Not a bad choice to play Nikki Heat. But if Brad Pitt plays Rook, I think I'd want to play Nikki Heat."
"Very funny, Detective Beckett. No way I'm letting Brad Pitt kiss you. So, I didn't know that you're a Brad Pitt fan."
"Well, seeing his ass on "Thelma and Louise and Troy" will do that to any woman. And "Legends of the Fall."
"So should I be threatened by Brad Pitt?"
"The man has like 10 kids now! And he also has Angelina Jolie. I don't think he would even notice me."
"FYI, Detective Kate Beckett, Angelina Jolie ain't got nothin' on you. You are by far, the most stunning woman I have ever seen. And you are my extraordinary, KB."
Pulling Kate close to him, he wraps his arms around her and they stay like that for a few minutes, just taking in each other's warmth.
He presses his forehead to hers and then kissed her nose.
"I will always be your extraordinary KB, Castle."
He smiled and continued to watch the woman who filled his head with fantasies for the past two years. Now, she is his. And there's nothing in this world he would ever want again.
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