A/N: This is my first fanfic of all time, and my first time writing for this couple. They're my absolute favorite, though. This is just an intro sort of thing to a series of interconnected drabbles and smut fics I'll update sporadically, whenever I'm inspired. It's Squidill, so naturally it's slash. Language and sexual content all around.
Seventy Five Things I Hate About Squilliam Fancyson III:
1. His snobbery
2. The way he flaunts his wealth
3. And his fame
4. And his body
5. But mostly his wealth and fame
6. His self-satisfied laugh
7. His nervous laugh
8. His laugh right before he starts crying
9. His laugh when something strikes him as funny
10. Or when someone tickles him
11. Not so much on his stomach or his feet, but right at the base of his neck. It's actually more of a squeal than a laugh
12. The blobby birthmark beneath his bellybutton. The one he claims looks like a heart, but actually looks more like a deformed lima bean
13. The way he rolls his Rs when he's overly pleased with himself
14. The look he gives me when he knows he's right
15. The look he gives me when he knows I'm right
16. The look he gives me when he's afraid I might not want him anymore
17. The look he gives me when I unintentionally hurt him
18. The look he gives me when I intentionally cheer him up
19. I meant unintentionally. When I UNintentionally cheer him up. Because I certainly wouldn't waste my time cheering him up purposefully
20. The fact that he's ambidextrous
21. The way he can curl onto the couch as though he's insubstantial, bundled under a blanket with that lost-puppy expression he tends to get when he thinks no one's noticing.
22. Not that I would ever notice, because I hate him too much to care
23. His overzealous sexual appetite
24. Which isn't limited to any set race, gender, age, species, or … well, anything
25. The way he mentally recites the alphabet whenever he doesn't want to hear something, but his face looks calm, so no one can ever tell when he's upset or tuning you out
26. The way he always remembers the things I said/believed/did in high school, even though I forgot them moments after they happened
27. The fact that he was so damn popular in high school
28. But he doesn't have a best friend
29. Or any friends, if you ask him
30. Even though he's almost never alone
31. Because he fears abandonment, even if he hates clinginess
32. The fact that asymmetry bothers him
33. Which is probably why his unibrow is so neatly trimmed
34. In fact, I hate his unibrow
35. Especially the way it bunches slightly when he's confused
36. I especially hate the way he hogs the blankets
37. And cuddles
38. But only when he's asleep
39. I hate the way his nose wrinkles when he's disgusted
40. And the way his eyes widen when he's surprised
41. And sparkle when he's pleased
42. I doubt my eyes ever sparkle
43. The way his body matches mine perfectly
44. And the way he fits perfectly inside me
45. And I fit perfectly inside him
46. (because god forbid he even be consistent with dominating-why does he always make ME do everything?)
47. The scared little face he gets right before I fuck him
48. As if he thinks I might actually hurt him this time
49. The almost-pained expression he makes when he cums
50. The way he tastes
51. The fact that he tastes better than I do
52. And yes, I'm including jizz in that category
53. Not that I've ever eaten my own jizz to verify this fact
54. Or, uh, his either
55. …
56. The way he leaves after we fuck and I worry that he won't come back
57. The fact that he always, always comes back
58. The fact that lately he's been staying longer than usual
59. And not just for the sex, either
60. The fact that he can't cook worth shit
61. And isn't the kind of guy to make someone breakfast in bed
62. But would happily order in, if we were staying at his house
63. Except we almost never are at his house
64. Because he both loves and loathes his wealth
65. The fact that we live vicariously through one another
66. The way he humiliates me in front of his friends
67. The fact that this doesn't even bother me any longer
68. Because at least he's talking about me at all
69. The sound his feet make on my linoleum
70. The sound his body makes against my mattress
71. The sound he makes when he cums
72. Like a scallop or a snail or something weak and defenseless
73. Not really pleased, either, but just … whatever.
74. The fact that he told me he loved me last night, and I think this time I might actually believe him
75. And I think I just might love him too.