In hindsight I can see every detail with perfect clarity. There was no way I could have become the victor, not taking the path which I walked. In my quest driven by lust I had become what I so hated-a monster.
A monster is what I was born as. It became a permanent marker upon me, even more so than my atrocious face. Upon my release, upon my freedom, I vowed to become something different. However on the inside I remained unchanged.
In her face, Christine's face, I saw the purest form of beauty. How young and innocent she was, how timid even! Unlike so many other performers she was humble and kind-hearted. Christine knew no pursuit of power. And I, with the face of a monster, lurked beneath her, but glimpsed something brighter than I had ever known. Her soul was a candle that burned in the depths of my foggy hell.
Like a rat I scurried beneath the stages, hungry for the smallest sight or sound of her. Truly I was, am, nothing more than vermin. Christine was a pure lily, untouched by such vermin. Her song filled my soul with a fire I had not felt in my lifetime. Akin to passion, it drove me to write scores upon scores of music.
In the music I found the love that I had so longed for. But it, like most things, was never enough. I grew a ravenous hunger inside of me. A desire for her, her person, flared within me; it drove me on with purpose. If she were in my arms, certainly I could be content at last.
But how could she love such a beast? How could I expect her to love such a hideous face? In my heart of hearts I dreamed to think she would accept my looks, but she ran from me.
Through music I drove my passions onward. I defied her wishes, her dreams. She could not be free if it meant leaving me. Through the music I bound her in chains. Her desire and curiosity drove her towards my outstretched arms. But, as soon as the music stopped, she fled from my shadow.
Only when I released her, only when I let her go though she was so close, did I realize. Christine was too beautiful for a monster like me. She was destined for a free life full of marvel and deep love. As she wept before me, I felt my insides grow weak. As she placed the signet ring in my hand, I felt my heart crumble into dust.
What a fool I was. How could I tame such a beautiful flame? How could I cage such a beautiful bird? Though I felt immense joy in setting her free, seeing her wing away from me was a bittersweet emotion. What a fool I am.
One tear slips down my horrid face. And inside, my horrid heart beats slowly. I lament my actions but lamenting can change nothing. I close my eyes and clasp the ring.
My eyes snap open and already I, too, have fled.