**

This is told from Sookie's perspective, in the style of the books. Remember this, because Sookie can be incredibly naive and things are not always as they seem.

There may be spoilers from the book later. I would appreciate reviews because this is my "first time" with fanfic and Sookie's voice is not my usual writing style, so I am not sure if it is coming off the way I intend it to!

P.S- There ARE some sappy feely bits in here, but I swear Eric is not turning into Edward Cullen! This is a DARK story. Maybe Eric and Sookie get together in the end... or maybe, not. The title is a hint of the very very basic plot. There is violence, and a bit of smutty goodness.

I shook in the still darkness, naked and cold, my arms wrapped tight around my knees as I rocked... trying to calm myself down, trying to breathe properly- but no thought that entered my head allowed me to slow my breath. This might be my last night alive. I had killed a Vampire. I was awaiting my punishment. There was no way to escape. Nobody to save me... "Please, PLEASE!" I screamed at nobody in particular, because I knew that nobody would be listening. "I'm not ready to die! I REALLY...DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!" I decided to allow myself to be hysterical. But it didn't matter. Because there wasn't anyone who could save me. Nobody who wanted to save me.

It was a Sunday evening, and I was trying to distract myself by painting my toenails in bed. The polish was a dark dusty pink, the one that had been Gram's favourite on me. She said it was the perfect shade to match my tanned skin and hair. It hadn't been dark long but I was already in my nightgown.

If this had been a normal Sunday evening, I probably would have been curled up in Bill's arms watching a movie in his livingroom, which is what we usually did on Sundays since it was half price rental day. I always looked forward to that, and that is why I needed distractions. I was trying really hard not to think of him.

So here I was, painting my nails with one of my favourite CD's by The Pierces playing when I heard a loud knock at the door. It was more like a POUNDING than a knock actually.

I immediately jumped up, and ran down the stairs. I wasn't expecting someone, so I was preparing myself for either some really good news, preferably, or some really bad news. As I was running I "scanned" the area and didn't detect any minds around the house, which meant the visitor was a vampire.

"BILL??!" I said for one happy moment- then realized, if it was Bill, he would have just ran right on up the stairs into my bedroom and embraced me in that really passionate way that he does. He wouldn't just bang loudly like that, he had an invitation. And Jessica would have txted me if she wanted to visit, which she did all the time, since she was lonely there all by herself. I paused on the stairs. Oh no, leaning to BAD NEWS. That... or TROUBLE.

There was another loud knock. My heart sunk into my pit of sadness again, and I hesitated. But then I shook my head and said to myself "Well, there's no use standing on the stairs like an idiot Sookie, if it's bad news, then it's bad news, you can't stop it by standing still..."

I unlatched the lock and opened the door.

I peeked through the crack to see a large box, and titled my head up to see Eric, slightly smiling at me.

"Eric! Unless this is about Bill, GO AWAY!! I'm really not in the mood to do any work for you at the moment, and I certainly don't want to play any games you might have in mind!" I made sure I said this in my most nastiest unwelcome voice.

Eric smirked.

"Why Sookie, You're wrong on both accounts. Perhaps I just came to...visit you.," he said in a low soft voice that she had to admit was erotic.

"Yeah, sure, the day hell freezes over!" I spit back.

A small grin erupted up Eric's face.

"Please tell me when that happens, I'd like to buy some real estate there- I do enjoy the cold. Now will you...please...let me in?"He said the world "please" as if it slightly hurt him.

**

I then remembered the last time I had talked with Eric a week earlier when Bill had first disappeared. I phoned him in tears begging for any information he might have. (I regretted it now, I had been fairly drunk at the time and missing Bill terribly. Tara and I had a night of Tequila shots, she had more to be upset over than I did, and although I don't like drinking that much, I did it mostly for her- I mean, at least I could still imagine Bill to be alive? Tara didn't have that luxury with Eggs.)

He had come right over to discuss the situation, that very evening surprisingly. I sat on the porch and practically balled my eyes out when I mentioned Bill's name. Hey, I was drunk remember? I can barely remember what I rambled on about, but most of it was probably me trying to drive into Eric how really special Bill was and that he better work damn hard at finding out what happened, that Bill should be his top priority as Sheriff. I also told him about everything that happened with Maryanne and the strange things that were happening to ME. Eric had remained silent most of the time I ranted and wailed, half of the things I said I couldn't remember, but some of it was the "Why me" stuff -self pity stuff that I'm ashamed of- I was raised to avoid all self pity- that is one of the reasons why I avoid drinking. I turn into a silly drama queen. A lot of stuff that I probably shouldn't have said to a powerful vampire, as if I could EVER tell him what to do. But Eric just sat there beside me, listening, and then for some insane reason, I just laid my head on his large shoulder and cried. If I had been sober, he would be the very last person I would be looking to for comfort. I mean, I completely hate him. Compared to Bill, he's a heartless animal. But it just felt nice.

But lately it seemed I didn't have anyone around to really comfort me. Everyone around me was dealing with their own serious problems, I felt I shouldn't be bothering them with my pain. Besides, I knew for a fact, from stray thoughts, that most of my so called friends were glad Bill was missing. They thought I could "do better" than a vampire.

Even Tara said things like "Sookie girl, think for a moment! Bills fun now, but do you want "that" kind of "fun" when you're like 70 years old and your boobs are saggin' and you don't feel an inch from sexy? Everybody- Well everybody that doesn't already laugh at you in town that is- everybody assuming he's your son instead of your Vamp Hubby? The point of marriage is so you can grow old TOGETHER! And take comfort in all the shitty stuff that happens! Your saggy tits won't matter cause he's got saggy balls, and ya both can bitch about it! Believe me, it's just cruel to do that to yourself, pretend you can actually marry a Vampire. Cause you know in the end, he's just staying with you out of pity! But maybe you'd actually like that, Pretending he's your son, because you won't got any of your own that's for sure. And I remember when we were little, you used to be so excited talking about having kids, what you would name them, what you would do together- It was practically a dream of yours, and I ain't about to let you throw that away cause you met one creepy old cold dudel that sucks out your blood!"

I lost it for a minute.

"Tara... You, you... Goddamn bitch! You know that I love Bill, and I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about that, or if they when i'm old mistake Bill for my son! If that ever happens, I'll just move to a big city where nobody knows us. And- haven't you heard of adoption?! Bill loves kids, I can see him being a great dad!"

"Yeah, for one, vampire adoption is still illegal, and I sure as fuck hope it stays that way. Second, yeah, that sounds just about right, imagine Bill tryin to pitch softball to a kid on your lawn at night- cause that's about all the parenting you could expect. He'd never take the kids to school, never go on a vacation with you to the beach, never take them to the doctors, never-"

"Tara Thorton, that is enough! If you don't get out of my house saying that kind of garbage to me- after what I went through to SAVE YOUR LIFE, I'll make you leave!" and with that I ran to the closet and grabbed the rifle.

"Holy shit Sook, I was just tryin to talk to some sense into ya! Don't you go pointing that thing at me!"

"I want you to know how serious I am about making you leave. My fiance, the love of my life, was just kidnapped-" the tears were streaming down at this point- "He might not even be alive, and I am hurting right now. I don't need YOU telling me I'm an idiot for wanting to be with the man who makes me happier than I imagined I could be. Every second of the day I pray for his safe return. I don't even think about growing old with him, because you know what? Even a few short blissful years with Bill before it goes to crap- is more than I would have hoped for. I think you're just jealous because you know you'll never have that."

Tara just stood still, shaking her head, her eyes wide.

"What has gotten into you? This night was supposed to be fun, to take our minds off of things! I'm not trying to be a bitch, but you should know- and everyone else agrees- that he's probably not coming back. You need to accept that. And you need to think- about what you really want, not just that you love him, or think you love him. Sookie, i'm your frien-"

Then I took Tara by the shirt collar and dragged her to the door and slammed it in her face. Some friend.

So in my drunken delirium, I sat with Eric in the porch swing in the middle of the night and cried against his chest while he had his arm around me and gently stroked my hair as I completely soaked his shirt with tears. I felt so gross that I did that, but it felt nice and I so desperately needed to feel nice. I suppose it was because he had tricked me into swallowing some of his blood earlier, like I was brainwashed by his presence. So I thought fine, I'm going to go ahead and use Eric like a drug, and pretend for a while that I'm resting my head on Bill's cool chest.

I was sort of confused at the same time, that Eric was being so nice. I figured he must be just placating me because he'd rather I not be talking on and on, and that manipulative bastard saw everything as a "favour" so he'd probably be thinking that he could use this "niceness" in turn for something I could do for him later.

After some time, I had cried to the point where my eyes hurt to cry, and I just lay still. It was then that I felt his hand move from where it was to gently caress my face upward towards his.

"Feel better now?" he said very softly.

"Maybe.. a tiny bit. I guess there's no point in lying to you about it," I said with bile.

He lowered his face so that it was an inch away from mine.

"You're amusing when you're drunk Sookie. You should do it more often! Drinks on me next time you come to Fangtasia. You are correct, there is no point in hiding it. You feel a tiny bit better.... but, I bet.... I can..."

He brought his other hand forward to hold my face. I would have slapped him for sure, if I wasn't drunk and completely surprised by that weirdness.

"...Make you feel, so...sooo much better-"

And with that, before I could protest, or throw out some cheeky remark like I meant to, with his lightning fast speed his lips were already on my mouth, and his hand had moved beneath my nightgown where it stroked my breast. I uncontrollably moaned loudly as I felt his tongue sensually stroke mine and my hips lurched forward to meet his other hand which was also under my nightgown.

It was a strange sensation. It felt like there was a tiny electric spark that had buried itself in my chest and had lit up the dark sadness inside me somehow, so that I couldn't feel it anymore- I only felt the gnawing pulsing need for pleasure. My tongue dove into his mouth, and I actually grabbed his hair and pulled it hard.

Somehow, his body felt familiar and welcoming. I guessed that was due to the fact that I had been having plenty of sex dreams with Eric, which were pretty... hot but completely out of my control and because it was Eric, gross at the same time. Damn vampire blood. And Damn that tricky evil bastard Eric.

But that only lasted a couple seconds. As soon as I got my head back on straight, I jumped off the porch swing and screamed.

"Eric! OH GOD! Get...OFF ME! How dare you! I am BILL'S, you know that! I am STILL BILL'S even if He's not here....AT THE MOMENT!" This last part I sort of said in a whimper.

"I like hearing you say, 'Eric, Oh God!' It suits you." He smirked and then continued, "Funny, I took you for one of these strange modern women who think they get to choose what man has them," he said, still sitting calmly in his position on the porch.

"Argh! I can't believe I just.... kissed YOU! And it's only cause of that blood exchange, believe me, otherwise we wouldn't be here, I would have just slammed that door right in your face once I learned you didn't have useful information."

"Yes, you should question the blood exchange." he said, suddenly serious, then silent for a moment.

He continued.

"I find it strange however, that you didn't question it when Bill first gave blood to you. Not fair, exactly. You yielded to him so easily, like a little lamb latching onto it's mothers teat..."

"Well, that's because I didn't know about it!" I retorted with anger.

"Exactly." Eric grinned widely and chuckled.

I paused and suddenly understood the significance of what he said.

There was a long lapse of time from when I had first taken Bills blood, soon after we met- to the time Bill almost casually mentioned strong sexual attraction was a "side effect" of having the blood of a vampire inside you. When I first met Bill... I had very intense dreams about him too. How much of that was because of his blood? And why didn't he explain that sooner? That certainly wasn't the first time he lied to me, I was almost used to him lying,or... rather... not "lying", but "failing to take initiative to reveal the truth" as he had called it. If he had said something, if I had known there would have been an artificially created connection between us, OR, if I hadn't of had his blood in the first place- would we have fallen in love so quickly? Would I have forgiven him for his lies so easily?

Maybe I didn't think about this much before, because I didn't want to think about it. The consequences were chilling. Not that I doubted my love for Bill- the love I had couldn't be artificially created with a few drops of nasty red liquid. I certainly didn't feel loving towards Eric. Only...yeah, I had to admit it, extremely attracted. Even without that love potion, he's gorgeous of course. But way more evil than he is gorgeous, and I shuddered every time I woke up from one of those sex dreams, and had a long cold shower where I scrubbed myself until my skin wad red to almost try to clean the dirty feeling away. It's dumb, I know, but it seemed to help. I knew I wasn't the only one, LaFayette had them too, and had even more reason to hate Eric than I did. I felt really sorry for LaFayette. Eric only really annoyed me, but Eric had almost killed him. I guess it would be like me having sex dreams about Rene! GROSS!

I stood stunned for a moment, slightly shaking my head.

"Poor Sookie", Eric said sarcastically as he was suddenly in front of me.

"Are we just coming to a revelation?"

I played dumb. "What revelation is that supposed to be? That you're a bastard?"

"I think you already know that I'm a bastard, sweetheart. A revelation... that your chivalrous hero Bill, might not be the romantic portrait that he paints for you," he said, smiling slightly.

"What, because he didn't tell me what the blood did? It hardly mattered, he was too busy saving my life!"

"Oh, you can go on telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, Sookie. I'm surprised, you haven't mentioned your pending engagement by the way. Did you think I wouldn't have heard? Isn't that serious for humans? To spend the rest of your existence with one person? I never understood this. I thought for some reason, that you might be beyond that silliness. Especially if you find... you don't really know them yet. It's just like... even though I haven't had ice cream- I imagine, it's like walking into an ice cream shop and picking the first flavour that grabs your attention, and deciding it's the best one and the only one you'll ever have. Pure stupidity! But I can tell you aren't stupid Sookie... I can tell Sookie... you are aching to try those other flavours...."

"Just... SHUT UP! You can't compare people to ice cream! I love Bill because he is everything I want AND need! Not because he's the first guy that really wanted me, or because he's a vampire, or for anything- It's just Love! And I'm not looking for other "flavours", why bother when by the grace of God you are blessed to find your favourite flavour on your first taste? Oh, but you wouldn't know anything about that!"

"Everything you need, including LIES? And dear Sookie, I've been around for over a thousand years, and you seriously believe I know NOTHING... of love?" Eric seemed almost offended.

"Only your own selfish kind! You don't have a heart left to love anybody but yourself. You're not like Bill!"

At this point I was yelling loudly into the night. If I had close neighbours, they probably would have phoned the police.

Eric then spoke softly and almost kindly.

"All love is selfish, in a way. No, I'm not like Bill. Unlike Bill, I don't hide who I am, and I have no fear for the truth. My balls don't shrivel when I'm in the presence of a tiny human girl. At least I'm a liar...that doesn't lie about being a liar," he said this last sentence with a strong hint of disgust.

Then, he was gone, and I was left alone, drunk and enraged in the middle of my lawn, and incredibly horny.

**