I was walkin' down the Citadel streets
And a man walks up to me and hands me the latest biotic upgrade
"Run faster, throw higher."
Maaaan, I'm not going to let you poison me!
AND I BLEW HIM OFF THE GROUUUUUUUUUUUUND!
You must think I'm a JOKE!
I ain't gonna be part of the Vanguards!
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Put that garbage in another man's body!
I go to my favorite Citadel stand
And the dude said
"You come here all the time!
Have a discount for free!"
I said,
"MAAAAAAAAN,
What I look like,
I'm new to this series?!"
I grabbed him,
And BLEW HIM OF THE GROUUUUUUUUUUUUUND!
I DON'T NEED YOUR HAND-OUTS!
I'M AN ADEPT!
PLEASE!
YOU CAN'T BUY ME, RIFLE VENDOR!"
At the armory with my so-called girlfriend
She hands me her phone,
Says it's Thane
"MAAAN, THIS AIN'T THANE
THIS IS AN EARLY 21ST CENTURY COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE!"
I BLEW HER OFF THE GROUUUUUUUUUUUND
WHATCHU THINK I'M PARAGON?!
I'M NO LONGER A PART OF THE ALLIANCE!
DRELLS DON'T USE PHONES!
DUH!
Some poser hands me a gun at a suicide mission celebration party,
"WHATCHU WANT ME TO DO WITH THIS, USE IT?!"
HAPPY SURVIVAL TO THE GROUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUND!
I BLEW THE REST OF THE ARMORY, TOO!
WELCOME TO CERBERUS, JACKASS!
So many things
To blast off the ground
Like this
(Garrus gets blown off the ground)
And this
(Liara gets blown off the ground)
And that
(Miranda gets blown off the ground)
And even this!
(Jack gets blown off the ground)
I'M AN ADDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPT!
Vanguard phonies tryin' to give me their autograph
THROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
NO ONE WANTS YOUR AUTOGRAPH,
VANGUARDS!
THEN THE TWO PHONIES GOT UP
TURNED OUT THEY HAD A RENEGADE OPTION
AND THEY SHOT ME IN THE BUTTHOLE!
I FELL TO THE GROUND
THE VANGUARDS DIDN'T LET UP
SHOOTIN' ON MY BUTTHOLE
OVAH
AND OVAH
I was screamin'
And squirmin'
My butthole was charred from the plasma,
The moral of this story iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
YOU CAN'T TRUST THE ALLIANCE!
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!