In Marceline's life, there are moments when she wanted to hug Bonnibel. To grip her tight and long and never let go.

There are moments when Marceline wants to kiss Bonnibel. Like the first time they had a sleepover, not just a 'I decided to stay over after a long night of studying at your place' but a full on planned out sleepover with baking and pillow forts and terrible onesies. It had been planned just a few months after they had become friends, Bonnibel insisting that Marceline needed a good pillow fight and movie marathon, and of course how could she say no to that cute freckled face?

She remembers it vividly, the exact moment her brain started screaming 'kiss her, idiot,'. Bonnibel had finally agreed to watching one of the Saw movies and had this adorable little worried expression etched onto her features that Marceline wanted to kiss away.

But no, she didn't want to ruin anything.

There are some moments in which Marceline wants to relive over and over again. The first time Bonnie allows her to 'punkify' (which, the nerd came up with that word, in Marceline's defence) the younger girl. It ended with far too much eye liner and black nail polish on her bed sheets.

Another moment would definitely be the first gig she ever pulled, smiling and singing with Bonnibel cheering in the overcrowded bar. That was a good moment.

The third... she's had to rethink it too many times to be considered healthy. Half of her desperately wants to shake the memory away, forget it ever happened, make it disappear. The other half? She thinks it made her grow to become the person she is now, thinks that if it never happened, she'd be living a completely different life.

She'll never speak of it, just think about the specifics, the smallest details.

It was the night her uncle passed, her last words to him being something along the lines of 'you're just like my dad'.

There are nights when Marceline second guesses herself, over analyses everything, gets herself into a right state in which she ends up sobbing on the floor of her bedroom. There are nights when Marceline feels alive.

There are days that drag on, forcing her to think about things like her future. She instantly regrets it and carries on with whatever boring objective she'd set herself.

There are things that Marceline wanted to happen.

There are people that Marceline wishes she'd never met, like Ash, her bigoted, egotistical, lying, cheating, sexist ex boyfriend.

There are people Marceline wishes she had met sooner, Like Bonnibel.

There are often moments in which Marceline wants nothing more to give up, to rot away, to die.

She doesn't give in.

She never does.

There is a life that Marceline wishes she had, a life where her brother didn't overdose, where her father wasn't an abusive ass hole, where her mother didn't walk out, where she had the courage to tell Bonnibel how much she means to her.

There are times when Marceline wants to love and be loved back.

Marceline carries on, soldiers on even, and braves the earth with all her determination.

Because if there's one thing she's learnt, it's that dwelling on the past, present and future takes up too much time.

A/N: So I'm not dead. Yet.