"A Vacation Worth Remembering"
Harry Potter (crack) Christmas fanfic
Somewhat Draco x Harry at the end
Set at winter vacation of sixth year
It was the Golden trio's sixth year at Hogwarts, and due to the danger of the Dark Lord, Dumbledore had ordered all students to remain at Hogwarts. There was to be no exceptions to the rule, and not even incessant threats from a certain blonde about telling his father about the atrocious order would get Dumbledore to change his mind. Hence, the students were trapped.
It wasn't the best vacation the students had ever had, but it definitely wasn't the worst. The Slytherins took the order the hardest, moaning and complaining and refusing to eat for a straight two weeks after the orders had been posted on the dorm announcements boards. While many teachers had been worried and the students (They were Slytherins, yes, but they were still students, and besides, nobody likes dealing with Howlers from angry parents.), it turned out that there had been no need to fuss. The Slytherins ended their "fasting" when Professor Snape caught a couple of third-years threatening to the hex a house-elf if he didn't bring them something to eat. The whole house received detention for a week.
The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were just mildly annoyed for the most part. While their actions were not as severe as Slytherin's, they did try to make their point in a somewhat cruel manner. It almost broke Dumbledore's old (yet strong) heart when the two houses teamed up and marched to office chanting things like "This might be out last Christmas" and "We want to see out family one last time." Professor Flitwick and Sprout refused to deal with them, but fortunately for Dumbledore, who had been about to cave into the students' wishes, Professor Snape and McGonagall were more than able to diffuse the crowd and squelch the "rebellion."
To the other three houses' disbelief and disappointment, Gryffindor house was perfectly fine with Dumbledore's order. Surely a word from the Boy Who Lived would have changed the headmaster's mind. Granted that he could summon up the courage with Snape and McGonagall gazing sternly (or in Snape's case, glaring) at him behind Dumbledore. Unfortunately for them, Harry Potter was perfectly content in sitting in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room while laughing with friends as he tried in vain to beat Ron at least once in wizarding chess. Although, despite their indifference, even the lions had to agree that it was very weird seeing the dining hall as a crowded place during Christmas vacation. The only time there had been more people had been the Yule Ball, and that had been years ago (actually only two).
Speaking of the Yule Ball, everybody was talking about something similar. In order to pacify the students somewhat, Dumbledore was organizing a Christmas Ball. This was why wherever one looked, there were girls whispering excitedly to each other. The boys always felt uncomfortable in the halls now. They hurried to and fro with their heads bowed down and their wands clutched tightly in their hands. 'Protego' became their mantra, the shield charm serving as their only salvation in these dark times. The boys also traveled in packs now. Poor Neville Longbottom had been caught alone two days after the Christmas Ball notice had gone up, and he was immediately disarmed and tackled by a bunch of girls who were desperate for a date to the ball, as according to the notice, only couples were allowed to go to the ball. If someone Neville had been attacked, it meant that none of them were safe. For once, the four houses were united in something. Even Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter accompanied each other to places, with the two thinking of nothing but their own survival.
Right after Neville was attacked and rumors started that the girls were sending out orders for love potions to Fred and George, Godric bless their souls, a representative from each house was sent to Dumbledore. Harry, Draco, Ernie MacmIllian, and Terry Boot stood nervously in front of the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office, Draco and Harry taking turns listing all the different candies, both wizard and Muggle, that they knew while Terry and Ernie stood watching for any girls with their wands drawn in their shaking hands. When the gargoyle finally sprang to the side ("Potter, what the hell Is a candy cane?" Harry only stared at Draco with a pitying expression.), they rushed up the spiraling staircase and burst into Dumbledore's office.
"Professor!" Harry panted out and Dumbledore looked up.
"Ah, Harry. What brings you here? And with Mr. Malfoy, no less."
"Professor, why'd you say that only couples could go to the ball?"
Dumbledore blinked. "Well, Christmas is a time for love, no?"
"Well yes, but-!"
"But what Harry? The girls are only craving a bit of love. I don't see anything wrong with their behavior."
The boys only gaped at him.
"Although, I have to be honest, I didn't think that they'd take it this far."
"YA THINK, OLD MAN!"
"MALFOY!"
"Now, now, Harry. I quite understand Mr. Malfoy's aggravation. But you boys must understand, you aren't the only ones undergoing this."
The boys looked at him, confused.
"Severus!"
A very hassled-looking Snape appeared with, of all people, McGonagall clinging to his side.
"Yes, Headmaster?"
"See boys? Even your teachers are suffering."
Snape just glared at Dumbledore as the boys gave him sympathetic looks.
Later, the four boys sat sulking around a table in the library, trying to ignore the giggles of the girls who were glancing at them from between the books on the shelves as they tried to think of something to tell their housemates. Harry had a sudden epiphany.
"I GOT IT!"
"What, Potter?"
"Malfoy, go to the ball with me!"
Silence. Then….
"NO! YOU CAN'T!"
"HARRY, GO WITH ME!"
"PLEASE GO WITH ME!"
"NO, WITH ME!"
"HARRY!"
"HAAAAARRY!"
The boys were assaulted by girls from all directions and had to blast their way out of the group. They escaped to an empty classroom, where Draco proceeded to round on Harry angrily.
"What the hell was that, Potter? You might as well have condemned us! You better have a good explanation for that!"
"As a matter of fact, I do. Listen, if all the single guys go with each other, we'll be safe and none of the girls can assault us!"
Silence yet again. Then…..
"Huh. So you can actually come up with a reasonable plan. Good for you Potter. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Oh, shove off, Malfoy."
And thus, the Slytherins and Gryffindors, and the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs ended up going together. And the majority of the girls were left out. They boys took extreme pleasure in watching Snape being forced to dance with McGonagall and later Dumbledore for the whole night. Later, however, they wondered if the whole plan had been worth getting five times as much Potions homework than usual at the start of the term and evil glares from the girls for the rest of the damned vacation.