DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE SERIES.

Setting: Post Anime, Movie never happened, some info from Brotherhood

Disclaimer: I do not own fullmetal or it's characters, but I do own the storyline used in this fanfiction.

Laying In Ashes

Chapter One

The ballroom was huge, gas lanterns were lit everywhere casting the balconies into shadow and making the darkness dance. An unbridled tension loomed in the very air, leaving everyone tense and agitated, Adrenaline rushed through his veins, anger, desperation and determination burned in his mind as he struck again and again. His hands clapped together, fully prepared to carve out the neck of the bastard. Fury burned through him when he saw his opponent, saw the violet eyes that taunted him and dared him to fight, made his blood boil. He pulled his hands away from one another, ducked and weaved, no alchemy and was served with a punch to the cheek that sent him sprawling.

The faces that he shifted through sent rage boiling through his veins, so many faces that made the guilt in his stomach churn, and the lump in his throat grow. They hurt, everything they said hurt, even though it wasn't really them. Every time those faces brought his worst fears to light it seemed like a wound in his chest got deeper, like someone was burying a knife deeper and deeper into his chest. Dodge again, just like Teacher taught him, strike, jump back out of range, but his opponent's range was far greater than his own. He flew backwards from a particularly hard knee to the gut, was thrown across the floor, and he got back up dashing after the bastard that taunted him.

He knew he wasn't strong enough, he wasn't fast enough, homunculi were built for speed and agility. They were the product of a failed human transmutation, they looked like the person that was supposed to be brought back, but they were soulless and twisted. The homunculus stopped, another gripping his leg, the blond came down on his distracted prey and slammed his fist into the other's face over and over and over and over. Their faces weren't what he needed to see, their words weren't what they needed to hear, he had to know, had to see the bastard's real face with his own eyes. Wanting to see the bastard's real face had become a damn obsession, he couldn't hide anymore, not after everything the homunculus had done.

"Do you really want to see?" a smirking grin that made him see red, made his fist fly again. "Then you asked for it!"

A flash of white, so much like alchemy, and the homunculus's face was laid before him. Long blond hair, amber eyes, a sharp jaw and tenor voice, everything he saw in himself that reminded him whose son he was. Then the pain, the strangled gasp that was forced from his lips along with a mouthful of blood, but the spiked arm that jutted through his chest only hurt for a moment. He fell and bled, a pool of blood gathering beneath him, and he realized just how much it hurt to die. It wasn't a real hurt, like pain, it was a deeper thing, the realization that he could never go back, that he'd never be able to see anyone he loved ever again.

There was a scream, someone screaming his name trying to call him back and when he opened his eyes again he was. He was back in ballroom, the same stench hung in the air and the crackle of alchemic energy sizzled through the air like a looming reminder. A sudden feeling of loss, of pain and fury, another bright flash of alchemic light before it all went dark and faded away.

Hands ran down a dirty wall, covered in carvings and chalk marks. "…. dream?"

The man stood in a dark cave, every available surface covered with writing and drawings, some notes and others just wild sketches. His hands were filthy, covered in dirt and grime and blood, smearing the images that had been drawn onto the wall with his hands. He slid to his knees, further smudging the images on the walls and covering his hands in dirt.

"Where... ?" he looked around, vaguely recognizing his surroundings, he was in a large cave dimly lit by small cracks in the hill above.

Vines and other plants hung down from these cracks like they were reaching down to him, he raised his hands towards them. Maybe they could save him, get him out of this place, maybe they could reach down and pluck him up from where he sat. Not on their own, but maybe if he fixed them they could, maybe if he made them better, he grabbed his chalk again and started working. The thoughts flew through his head, some more important than others before something made him stop. A hollow feeling in his chest made him drop his chalk, and the hollow spot slowly grew, he had to complete the circle.

Complete the circle and the ache will go away, complete it and then he wouldn't be sad anymore. He went over to a semi-clear piece of floor and started working, his hands were steady and the circle came out just like it had in his mind.

"Wait... " a scream inside his head sent him to the floor covering his ears, a bright flash of light behind his eyes made them burn. "Come back... "

Then it was gone, everything.

What would happen if someone tried to put a dog and a canary together? His new thought made him curious, so he stood and started drawing again pushing his wild yellow hair from his eyes. Dirty hands worked swiftly on the circles, on the notes and the possible appearances of such a union before another thought grabbed his attention. Someone with pretty blond hair and amber eyes, their face was vague in his mind's eye, but when he started drawing it was clear enough. He only got through half of the face, and then just didn't feel like finishing it so he dropped it in favor of working on another circle.

A sudden commotion echoed through the cavern, voices that he didn't recognize, but sent fury boiling through his veins. This was his place, people didn't belong here, no one had any right to come to his place. Then there were people sleeping all around him, something warm and sticky was seeping through his fingers and dripping down his face. Sunlight glared into his eyes and made him step back, uncertain of it. He was in a village, there was a little girl crying, the warm had dried now and itched.

She spoke to him, and he was angry, more screams, more sticky wet stuff on his hands. Then everything was quiet, so very quiet, there were people sleeping in the streets and they wouldn't be happy if they woke up in the road. He put them all into their places, so they wouldn't wake up angry and then he went back to his cave. A new circle came up in his mind and he started drawing again, there was a loud sound, but he ignored it. Check on it later, that's what he'd do, he'd check on it after he finished his new circle.