It's no secret that Roy prides himself on his looks and it's for this reason that Ed will only compliment him on special, rare occasions. After all, can't let the bastard's head get too big can he, otherwise it might explode! See, Ed's doing him a favour, generous, kind husband that he is. However, he is not so generous that he will allow Roy to spend hours in the bathroom, especially when it's early morning and Ed has his own needs to attend to.
"Hey Roy, you nearly done in there?" Ed calls out and when he gets no reply, he huffs and leaves his cocoon of warmth to brave the cool air. The irony that even the Flame Alchemists house isn't warm in the morning isn't lost on him. Goosebumps raising on his exposed skin, Ed bangs on the bathroom door.
"Oi bastard, open up! It's my turn!"
Still no response. A thin tendril of worry begins to form. Why wasn't Roy replying? Had something happened to the bastard? Had he slipped over and hit his head? Could he be lying in a pool of his own blood, slowly bleeding out, unable to reply to Ed?
Ed thinks he's perfectly justified in slamming the door down.
What isn't justified, however, is the reason Roy hasn't answered him which Ed discovers, after nearly blowing the door off its hinges, is that he is utterly captivated by his reflection in the mirror. He doesn't even blink at Ed's entrance.
"Are you kidding me?!" Ed yells. "I thought you were dying in here but instead you're looking at your damn reflection you narcissistic bastard! Well, aren't you even going to look at me?"
For a second, Ed is convinced that Roy is brain dead since he remains frozen, but then he twitches and his head slowly turns. His eyes are blank and once again, Ed is concerned. What the hell has happened to Roy?
"…My hair…," he croaks.
Brow furrowed, Ed asks, "Uh…what about it?"
"I've got…a grey one," he laments, head bowing down and hands clasping tightly to the sink, looking for all intents and purposes that it's the end of the world. For a moment, the only sound in the room is the faucet dripping, and then Ed can't hold it in. He lets out a full belly laugh, arm clutching his stomach and it's that which finally gets a proper reaction out of Roy. He twists, sending Ed a look which is a mixture of indignation and scandalised, which only makes him laugh harder, nearly sending him collapsing to the floor.
"You're…you're getting old!" Ed cackles and he's pleased to see fire ignite in Roy's eyes.
"I am not getting old! Stop laughing! It's just a trick of the light!" Roy argues angrily causing Ed to smirk.
"Oh yeah? And is that why you were staring in the mirror for so long? Face it, babe, you're starting to go grey."
"I AM NOT GOING GREY!"
Still smirking, Ed flings an arm around Roy's shoulder and leans his face close to his husbands so that they're both staring at the mirror.
"Aw, it's alright. I think you'll look distinguished with a full head of grey hair."
Roy glowers at Ed's reflection. "I blame you," he grouches.
"Oh c'mon, I'm probably only three quarters of the problem and it's not my fault trouble seems to find me."
Roy raises an eyebrow.
"Okay, it's not always my fault. Now, let's see. Where is it?"
Frowning, Roy points to a spot near his forehead and (much to his annoyance), Ed has to stand on his toes to get a good look. It takes him a little while, but then he just manages to catch it, a shining strand barely visible in the inky mop of hair. Gently, Ed takes a hold of it and inspects it before without warning ripping it out of Roy's head. Roy hisses and knocks Ed's hand away from his head.
"There we go, all gone!" Ed says brightly. "Now, can I get ready?"
Ed knew it would be too good to be true if Roy were already finished whining, which, judging by his put-out expression, he's not. He does like to fixate on things, especially when they concern his looks and age. Ed sighs and takes Roy's hand.
"You know you're the only one who really cares, right?"
Roy glares at him and Ed reminds himself to be a bit more tactful.
"I mean, you know I'll…love you no matter how you look and no one else will give a shit either. And if they do they'll have to deal with me." Ed jerks a thumb in his direction. Seriously Roy, you look good no matter what and I bet you'll look even better grey."
Ed's met with silence and just as he's beginning to get afraid that he'll have to be even more sappy, a small smile appears on Roy's face.
"Why Ed, are you feeling alright? You rarely ever compliment me. Is there something you aren't telling me?"
"Bastard," Ed says affectionately, softly nudging Roy, only to seconds later shove his husband out of the bathroom, fixing the door once he's out of the way. The door locks with a satisfying click.
"Oh," Ed adds, "Don't forget your glasses on your way out old man!" At the outraged noise he hears, Ed snickers. It's good to be the one with the upper hand for once.