Does he know? I mean like, is it possible that he never noticed how beautiful he is?
What does he see when he looks himself in the mirror? Because I'm sure he must look at his reflection some part of the day.
Maybe in the morning when he's brushing his teeth and getting ready to go. The other day he was laughing about some stupid joke that stupid friend of his, what's his name?, Shane said and he was like chuckling and I caught a glimpse of his teeth and I thought of it all day long, is it Crest or say, Colgate maybe?
And this time I have a certain sympathy towards Shane because he made him smile and so I could see his teeth but then I'm nerved with the same Shane again because soon after he's leaned at some kids' locker and he seems like sad, really hopeless, like he has a problem that no one can solve, like his soul is tormented and it's like Shane's fault for not keeping him laughing.
And there's a strand of hair falling on his face and I'm so tempted to just go there and tug it behind his ear just like I do with mine. What shampoo does he use? Regular? Because his hair seems so soft. Damn, it looks softer than mine and it's just wrong that a guy can have hair softer than a girls'.
Rayanne says she's heard him sing at Tino's and that he really has a great voice. Well, I believe her cause I've heard him talk already and it sounds so rough and sexy. Not like Brian's whiny voice but really, you know, sexy, like his really confident about being who he is.
The other day we were at sex ed class and I was like really relieved that he didn't attend because we were watching this movie and they were talking about ,well, the penis, and for the first time I thought about the fact that he has one and I caught myself blushing in the dark. I'm such a dork sometimes.
I'm not surprised really to learn about what goes on in the boiler room because, like, guys do these things all the time and I know girls do it too, like, I know Rayanne does and like, Sharon, I think so too, although not in the boiler room.
I try not to think what happens down there, I mean, down there in the boiler room because—oh I don't know. Rickie told me there were rumors that Principal Hastings found a used condom down there on one of his monthly routines to check if the stuff is working properly and he just like, caught him exiting the room and he was like, invited to the principals' office and I really don't want to know if this is a rumor or not because maybe he could get like, kicked out of Liberty and that would be really painful, I mean, like, for him not studying any more.
We were like, studying some stuff about Italy and I was just, you know, thinking. In those Mafia movies they're always dark and mysterious and hot. And sweaty too like when he's beating the track because some freaking puffy teacher told the class to.
And I don't want to think that he's going to take his sweaty clothes off and step under a steamy shower all naked with his—ok, I'm not going to say that name again and I'm not going to call it some silly name too because I'm not a kid anymore—ok, even Danielle, my baby sister, says it, so ok, so—he's going to strip and Shane is going to see his penis again and I'm so like, no, I'm not jealous because his friend gets to see him naked more than I've ever seen him any way.
I used to love Fridays but now I hate it because this means two, I said TWO whole days without even like…it means nothing, not even the least viewing, I should get a picture of him but of course, he's never been on a yearbook.
Rayanne, again, tells me that she's seen him hanging at this place called Let's Bolt and like, there was this night when she saw him leading three different girls to the backseat of his car, not all at once of course, one at a time, but like, she was slightly drunk, so maybe it was just two girls, or maybe four.
So it's Monday again and I'm so happy to see him. I thought maybe I would have to wait until Second Period but he shows up at First and it's like, he's just fallen from a cloud but I know he came driving because I saw him parking. Sometimes I think that looking this good should be a crime but then I remember that if it was a crime he could go to jail and like, my Dad would never let me visit him in jail so it's okay for him to just be plain, beautiful him.
Does he know?