…Because the ones who speak with the least seriousness are the ones who feel the most hurt…

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I could feel it resurfacing – that endless rage, the infinite hurt, years of pain and never saying a word about it. It swelled up inside me, this poison, until it burst out of my mouth in a stream of words that I could no longer contain.

"FUCK YOU, RAPH!" I roared, feeling the hurt behind these words, and a curious sense of relief and release. "I'M NOT AN IDIOT! I MESS AROUND, I LAUGH, I SET MYSELF UP WITH ENDLESS JOKES BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU I DON'T ENJOY HURTING PEOPLE! I ENJOY MAKING THEM SMILE! AND I TAKE ALL THE CRAP THAT COMES WITH IT, ALL THE SARCASM AND THE SMACKS ON THE HEAD - I HAVE BRUISES, YOU KNOW THAT, CONSTANT BRUISES FROM YOU HITTING ME – I TAKE ALL OF THAT AND I SMILE AND I MAKE ANOTHER JOKE! PEOPLE SAY I'M THE ONE IN THIS TEAM WHO DOESN'T CONTRIBUTE! WELL, I CONTRIBUTE – I'M THE PUNCHING BAG! AND WHY DO I DO THIS? WHY DO I PUT UP WITH YOU KITTING ME, AND MAKING SARCASTIC COMMENTS – BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! AND NONE OF YOU APPRECIATE THAT!"

My shoulders shook. All the rage I felt, all the years of being the underdog, the years of never saying a word of serious complaint, were finally coming out in a hate-filled torrent of noise. It felt… wonderful.

"AND LEO, FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! I CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF PERFECTLY WELL. YOU FUCKED OFF AND LEFT ME FOR A YEAR AND CAME BACK LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED, AND YOU FREAKING PATRONISED ME WHENEVER I TRIED TO MAKE A JOKE, TO GET THINGS BACK THE WAY THEY WERE. I'M SICK OF IT! I'M NOT A BABY! I JUST DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO BE ALL PRETENTIOUS AND SERIOUS ALL THE TIME, AND ACT LIKE I'M SOME BIG HERO, JUST 'CAUSE I'M A FEW HOURS OLDER!"

I spun around. I wasn't finished yet – not by half. I still had one brother to go.

"DON, COME ON – STOP LORDING IT ABOUT, PRETENDING YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME, THINKING YOU'RE SO MUCH GREATER THAN ALL THIS, JUST BECAUSE YOU'D RATHER PISS ABOUT WITH SOME WIRES THAN DO SOMETHING AS COMMON AS MAYBE SOCIALISING AND HAVING FUN! YOU KNOW WHAT? I MIGHT NOT BE A GENIUS, I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO JUST HOP INTO CYBERSPACE WHENEVER I WANT – BUT I CHOOSE TO ENJOY MYSELF, AND I KNOW THAT I ALWAYS WILL!"

I could feel even more anger, rushing forth from a near-bottomless reserve that I had hidden away in my heart for so long. I knew I should stop, but I couldn't even if I'd wanted to. I was on a roll now – it was simply too much fun, this release at long last.

"AND SPLINTER, SENSEI… I'M NOT GONNA CALL YOU FATHER, BECAUSE THAT'S NEVER WHAT YOU WERE. A FATHER LOVES HIS KIDS. A FATHER DOESN'T MAKE HIS KIDS BOW WHENEVER HE WALKS INTO THE FREAKING ROOM! A FATHER DOESN'T TRY AND CHANGE HIS KIDS, TRY AND STOP THEM FROM SAYING A WORD OUT OF LINE! SCREW YOU! ALL OF YOU!"

I sighed, my rage fading in an instant. I was finished. I opened my eyes and fumbled for the lever, switching the shower off. It was probably my favourite place it the whole Lair – the one place I could let it all out, say it, and no-one would hear. No-one would know how I really felt.

I rubbed myself dry with my towel. A second later I had to dry myself again – because even though the shower was off, drops of water were streaming down my cheeks.