Author's Note to plead you to keep reading despite what you probably expect of this fic! ='D (because I'm a special snowflake that deserves to be heard through to the BITTER end.)

Okay, I should probably calm down before I drive what little attention I have gathered of yours, away!

So I don't claim to know everything about Invader Zim, but I've seen all the episodes and have read up on it enough to know how to write a damn fanfiction on it... I think! Don't you DARE murder me! This is my first fanfiction since my ol' Naruto days, five or six some odd years ago... guh. Oh boy, here we go...

Chapter 1

Rain.

It was raining...

Not just that, but it was the classic thunder and lightning too. The gray skies overcome by an electric, growling beast. Bent on soaking the earth in its All Powerful, Mighty, Wet... Wetness!

It'd been raining for days. The soggy Earth begged to see the first rays of sunlight in more than a week now, but this story isn't about the stinking rain.

This was about a particularly green colored Earth boy, with a strange skin condition; having grown up on Earth all of his Earthly, incredibly dull, human life, he was used to such rainfalls. It was normal, as he was normal.

Normal...

"Gir, I tire of these waffles. You make them quite frequently and quite frankly (though this has nothing to do with a man named Frank), I have grown sick of them. Remove them from my face at once!" Zim ordered, sitting full bellied at the kitchen table, after having finished three plates of steaming hot waffles, cooked up by his 'dog'.

Waffles were pretty much the only human food he could stand, though he'd eat other Earthly foods too. After all, his connection to all space life had ceased to be (Zim blamed a human with an unusually large head for this fiendish deed), he'd been unable to acquire the necessary Irken food to sustain himself without being forced to consuming Earth food. Not to mention make any type of contact with his Almighty Tallest, in the slightest!

Yes, he had tried frequent times to fix this tragedy, but his efforts had always ended in failure. The connection to his home planet, and his Tallest, were gone.

As was his ship, having disintegrated to nothing in a terrible 'sewage' accident years before, (once again, the fault of a devilishly annoying large headed human boy). The human sewage burned through his ship like molten lava! Zim had barely escaped the vehicle with his PAK in tact!

He would be able to acquire another ship, if he had connection to the 'outside', but being there was no connection, there was no source of superior equipment. The humans certainly didn't have anything that could recreate an Irken ship... or a ship suitable for proper space travel at that!

"But it pleases the Mongoose!" a high pitched robotic voice piped up, holding out a plate of waffles in it's freakishly bazaar, green dog suit. It was actually a robot servant, generously given to Zim by his Tallest themselves (for his top secret mission of course). Though, Zim was convinced that there had been some misunderstanding, for the creature was beyond insane, if that was possible... and an utter waste of scrap metal.

But he did make decent human waffles. Even though they did taste oddly of soap...

"No Gir, I don't want to please the Mongoose. Why is there a Mongoose in the house anyway? Get it out of here!" Zim shooed, waving his hands in the direction of a rodent face, fuzzy cat-thing.

Gir looked down, suddenly depressed, placing the plate of waffles on the kitchen counter, "Aaawww, we was gunna have a parteh thooo..." the small robot opened the front door to let the creature out. The Mongoose bared it's teeth and gave Zim a dangerous hiss as the front door closed behind it.

Zim stared stunned, unblinking at the door for a few moments before the Main Computer's tired voice rang throughout the house, using various, dusty speakers in the the corners of the walls, "Incoming connection, the Almighty Tallest are trying to make contact with the base computer. Accept or decline?"

Zim flailed his arms in surprise. "WHAT? Main computer, KEEP THAT CONNECTION! " Zim was shocked! He thought the connection was dead! It had been so for such a long time!

The Irken 'Invader' made a dash for the toilet. Yes, the toilet. And flushed himself down as fast as he could, leading him to his BASEment.

Once he was in his Base, he ran to the Head computer, his face beaming with excitement. He hadn't received a call from the Tallest in over seven Earth years!

"Computer, Accept the incoming call!" Zim ordered with glee, nearly jumping over the place in anticipation. He was so excited to see his Tallest, he was so excited to finally have connection!

The screen opened up to Red and Purple, otherwise known as The Almighty Tallest. Purple stood in front of the computer with a fizzy drink in his claws, sipping innocently on the straw. Red however had a slight look of surprised, mixed with confusion on his face, his crimson eyes looking Zim over.

"Zim?"

"My Tallest, oh my Irk, my Tallest! It's you, it's really you! It's been so long, I have so many things to say and tell you! You have no idea how long I've been trying to get a connection with you, especially after my connection with The Massive was destroyed because of that hideously annoying Dib-Stink human child, it's been oh so long!" Zim rambled, waving his arms frantically in the air and moving around the computer screen in the most gravity defying of ways.

"Speaking of annoying..." Red breathed to Purple. The Tallest Irkens shared a giggle and Red turned back to the screen. "Ah yes... the connection..." Red snickered. "Yes, we have been... uh, trying to contact you too, Zim, but have not been able to connect until now."

Purpled grinned in the background, with his straw between his teeth.

The two had in fact, blocked Zim's transmissions, and had ordered the rest of the empire to do the same, leading Zim to believe he had faulty equipment. The two Tallest had decided after these seven years to check up on Zim, as they were curious to see if he had been captured or killed by the humans yet.

They had admittedly hoped for the ladder; however, here Zim was, in all his defective glory. Still alive...

Still so shor-...

Red and Purple's eyes widened slightly, as they examined Zim a bit more closely.

He'd grown considerably since the last time they'd made contact with him. As a matter of fact, by the look of it, he was nearly as tall as they were!

"Zim?" Red asked again, more worried than surprised. If Zim kept growing like this, he could be taller then they were (if he wasn't already)! Even though he was a banished Irken, having an Irken alive that was potentially taller than the Almighty Tallest themselves, could cause incredibly serious problems for Red and Purple.

Heck, Zim might even stand a chance of gaining re admittance into the Irken civilization by the Control Brain, if it took interest in his increased growth spurt. He could even become the Tallest if things went even more, horribly wrong!

No, that just wouldn't do.

The two Tallest exchanged worried glances and looked back at Zim who was currently buzzing with excitement, having finally being contacted by his long lost idols.

Red straightened up, gathering his bearings and thinking carefully of what he was going to say. "Ah, Zim. So I take it you still haven't conquered Earth, after all this time?" He made sure to sound disappointed, and stern, like a leader should.

Zim's crimson eyes looked ashamed for a moment and he frowned, "No... my Tallest, I have not." His tone suddenly changed when his face contorted to intense rage. "The DIB creature has become (always was) a thorn in my side for too long! He really is one of the most meddling of pests! But, I shall get him, him and his STINKING human race! Don't you worry, my Tallest! It shall be dunnn!" He said this while shaking closed fists in front of his face, his eyes staring at them with intensity as he pictured torturing the human in the most horrible of ways possible.

Purple chose that time to speak up. He squeezed his empty soda cup and dropped it on a Service Drone, whose arms were outstretched, ready for the cup to fall, "Well you don't need to struggle any longer, Zim. We'll be sending an Irken army to help you conquer that planet once and for all!" Purple nodded at Red, who returned the gesture, and they turned back to stare at Zim.

If the Irken's defective face could light up any more than it just did, Red and Purple would have surely become blind.

"Oh THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! This is fantastic! I shall begin preparing for the full on invasion right away! What wonderful news. For-a-while-there-I-was-beginning-to-think-you'd-just-wanted-to-get-rid-of-me-by-sending-me-here-but-it'd-be-defective-for-me-to-even-think-that, oh my Tallest, you're the greatest! Thank you!" Zim bounced around the room, unaware of the facepalm the two Tallest exchanged simultaneously, as Zim had blurted their true intentions unknowingly.

"Alright, so expect us in up to 3 days time!" Red said to Zim, a serious look on his face.

Zim stopped bouncing around and tilted his head, "Really? That fast? Have we gained faster technology in these past seven years that I have been disconnected from the empire!" he asked hopefully.

Purple laughed, "No, not quite that fast yet, unfortunately. We just happen to have an expendable army currently in the area, we'll get it to drop what it's doing and invade Earth, as a pit-stop."

"What great news! I can't wait for the invasion!"

"Alright Zim... goodbye now."

"Oh thank you, my Tallest! It's been so great to see you two again!"

"Bye Zim..."

"Oh do you have to go? I have so much to report! Did you know that a newly born human baby can live longer underwater than a fully grown, experienced human being?"

"Fascinating..."

The screen went black, leaving only the Irken symbol on the computer's front. Zim turned around and grinned evilly to himself. "At last... the Irken army is on it's way, and the Dib-Stink will be forced to watch as his pathetic human race is annihilated and enslaved!" He chuckled quietly to himself for a few moments before going into full on maniacal laughter, facing the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Gir partied with a pack of Mongoose on the top floor of the base.

Chapter END

I think this is going to be one of those classic stories of Zim and Dib in an apocalyptic DOOMED world (yeah, I'll do my best not to make it that cliche bullshit) ... but it WILL be ZADR, obviously; however, not that shitty pansy crap you see everywhere, where they throw away all their hate for each other and just start fucking. This story is going to be a lot darker than something that normally goes a little like this-

Dib: 'omfg, zim i luv yuuu,' - Zim: 'omfg dib, i luf you toooooo.' -commence sappy smooch in the Sun... literally in the Sun.-

Nooooooooo, this story is hopefully going to be like-

Zim: "MWAHAHA, DIBSTINK, YOUR WORLD IS UNDER TOTAL AND UTTER ANNIHILATION, PREPARE TO BE A HUMAN SLAVVVVVE... AND STUFF!"

Dib: "NOOOooooooooooooooooo... wait... how is this ZADR?

Zim: O.o... "er... I don't know... BUT IT IS. MWHAHAHAHAHA!"

Dib: " ... -_- I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

Zim: "Kinda. "

Course I'll try to add humour where I can. And blood, I like my blood. It's gunna be a bit scary, since I'm twisted like that. ZADR is going to be twisted/obsessive and probably one sided. Since I'm weird like that...

But yeah, humour is good I mean, the whole point of Invader Zim is that it's funny awesome, made of absolute WIN...and, that it's freaky twisted.

Anyway, could you please leave a review, telling me if this is alright? I know it's a pretty big cliche, but heck, don't we all want to see a full blown Irken invasion on Earth? Or is it just me...

Was my writing alright? It's pretty rusty... Also, not sure how I'm going to end this quite yet, if you have any suggestions, let me know. Anyway... ON TO WRITING CHAPTER TWO... and stuff...

-goes to sleep-