summary: he tried to save her, she didn't want him to
genre: (an attempt to) angst
notes: for jky404, my giftee this grayza exchange 2015! Happy new year!

"Gray-sama, wait!"

There it was again. That pleading voice. The one he has been hearing without exactly processing what it meant. Everything was too soft compared to when he heard that she was in danger.

"Gray-sama, help!"

She needed him. Erza was forged to be stronger than her weapons, but she's not invincible.

"Gray-sama, please!"

If she— no, he would not think of that. It's that unthinkable possibility that always seemed impossible.

The voice calling for help faded with the distance. Gray did not notice.

"You know what I'm capable of, Gray. I did not need your help!"

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Then why did you—"

"Has it ever crossed your mind that, that maybe, I went to you because I wanted to? Because I started to realize that I can't stand not knowing how you're doing?"

He leaned closer. Breaths embracing each other, mingling, fading. He continued, voice barely above a whisper. "Didn't you think that, just maybe, I care about you?"

Erza blinked, but made no other reaction. In the quiet, she said, "If you risked lives for the sake of mine again, I will never forgive you."

(Lie. She would forgive him, in the dark, somewhere between guilt and frustration, but he didn't need to know that.)

"She's okay."

The weight in the atmosphere that enclosed the two mages lightened, their shoulders sunk in relief.

The only thing that's left of them were the questions that remained to linger.

Gray was the first to speak. "I never realized how drunk I was on my own selfishness until everything's calm again."

The wind danced with humidity. The uneven ground was freckled with dried blood. There were benches for those who wished to wait, and around them were the ruins of what would have been home to many people. And then there were the two mages (apart from the wounded and the healers), only a few feet apart, yet still acted like they were miles away.

Despite the statement that hung in the air, Erza chose not to reply. Gray continued.

"I still stand on what I said, though." He started to face her. "I care about you, and I—"

"Enough." It wasn't the demand that stopped him from talking. When faced with the voice that quivered and obviously broken, continuing would have been impossible. "You've already demonstrated the lengths you would go through."

Gray tried one more time, "Erza—"

"If something happened to Lucy, you help her. If something happened to Juvia, you help her! If someone is asking for help, you go to them instead of going for someone who you're not even sure if they're okay or not!" Each word was said fervently, with no breaths in between. "Because, isn't that what we're about, Gray? The guilds? We help those who ask for help." Then her voiced steeled as she finished, "and I certainly did not need yours."

(Somewhere between then and now, silence found its way between the two, so unlike their minds with unspoken arguments and hidden frustrations.)

"I'm sorry,"

"I know."

"I didn't mean it."

"You're lying."

"You're right. I meant it. That's why I'm sorry."

She took her time studying him, from the shadows behind the hair, to his skin, and then upturns of the strands. She then took a breath before she finally looked at his face.

And with soft eyes unseen moments, days, and weeks before, she whispered, "Thank you."

His hand found hers, and she did not deny the warmth he was seeking. Then slowly, one by one, her fingers found their place in the spaces in between.

AN

so short, i know :(
can I make up for it for making more Grayza fics this year? huhuhu

also, if you spot any mistakes or any more criticisms, feel free to leave a review

thank you :)