Mello leaned against the wall staring at the phone in shock, Matt...His best friend, lover of years, was just shot because of a mistake he had made. He put his head in his hands and clenches his eyes closed. It was supposed to be a simple kill! Matt was supposed to take off as soon as gun shots started firing and would be back with the cash, but it didn't work out that way. Mello threw the phone on the ground, and gives a yell it going through the room.
This was supposed to be simple! The bastard wasn't supposed to be there, he wasn't! He wasn't supposed to be able to easily shoot Matt in the head like that! Mello slipped to the ground, sobs racking through his body, trying to get him to cry for Matt, but he wouldn't. He couldn't cry, not now, he hadn't cried when L died, or when Near died, even though he wouldn't have anyway, [he could never have admitted that was horrible, how Near had died. He defiantly couldn't cry now, even though Matt probably meant more to him than either of them did. He had lived through Kira goddammit! Why did he die now! Why couldn't he just live longer? Why did he have to die, there was no reason for it, he had been safe, this was an easy job!
He bit his lip and stared up at the ceiling. Matt was gone. He had heard it, heard his breath stop over the phone the whisper of "Mello" as his body gave out. He lets out a sob at his own thought, his thought of Matt's last word being his name, reminding him that it was his fault. Hearing his name on Matt's lips as he died, the lips he had kissed and touched a million times. He clenched his eyes closed at that thought. Matt was dead. The person he had been with for more than half his life, had just died because of a stupid mistake. He put his head in his hands and tried to hold back the tears of failure he was feeling.
"I'm sorry I got you killed Matt..." he said it into the room feeling like his world was shaking. He had always had Matt, through Wammy house, through the Kira case, through the aftermath, when he buried Near's body in the ground, his face no longer there. All of this, he had Matt, and he was just taken from him for a stupid mistake! It was his fault, he knew he wouldn't feel like this if it wasn't his fault, but it was! He had told Matt what to do, he followed his order down to the letter, and he got killed because of it. He had done everything right! It was his fault. His thoughts couldn't get away from that as he closes his eyes, clenching them tightly. His entire fault, he had gotten Matt killed, he had failed.
His eyes clench and he opens them to stare up at the wall feeling like a failure, he had won the Kira case, beat Near, and he felt like he had failed in all of that at losing Matt. His lover, his best friend, he was gone. It was his fault. He started crying without noticing, he didn't feel the tears. He would never admit to them.