Disclaimer: All things Star Wars belong to Lucasfilm.
Author's Note: This takes place prior to Anakin's duel with Obi-Wan.
This fic is a bit unusual, I think. I hope you all enjoy…
In Dreams
by ami-padme
Amidala sat on her bed, staring at nothing, taking several deep, cleansing breaths. This was part of her routine now, this relaxation technique that Obi-Wan had taught her. It had never worked particularly well, but it allowed her to keep her wits about her.
And that was no easy task. The stress of the last couple of months…there was no way for her to even describe it. All she knew was that there was a clamp around her heart, which was crushing and suffocating her. Every time she thought of him. Every time she thought of what might happen to the twins.
If only she could talk to him. Or just see him, or hold him. If only she could make him come home to her.
A few months ago, he had simply disappeared. No one had heard anything from him since. They had only heard rumors about him, about what he was doing. Amidala had been reluctant to believe any of the stories – he couldn't possibly have done those things, not her Ani. But too many people (Jedi mostly) had seen him.
Her first instinct was to hunt him down, to follow wherever the rumors led her, to try and fix whatever it was that had gone so terribly wrong. Of course, Obi-Wan and Yoda had warned her against it repeatedly, but she didn't care…at least not until she found out that she was pregnant. All her plans were thrown out the window – she couldn't risk any contact with him now. If Palpatine were to find her…he would find out about their children…
So, Yoda had taught her how to shield her thoughts as a part of the new precautions she had to take. She proved far more successful at that than the relaxation techniques…and that success was a cause of both relief and heartache for her. Yes, she was keeping their children safe, but now there was nothing left of her connection to Anakin.
Almost nothing.
Amidala crawled into bed and wrapped herself tightly in the blankets. She was completely exhausted. But sleeping had been increasingly difficult the last few weeks. She was apprehensive every time she thought of it.
He would be there. In her dreams.
It was the only place she didn't seem to be able to block him out. On some subconscious level, he was still able to communicate with her. She wondered if he was doing it purposely…she doubted it. She never got any kind of a clear message from him, and never sensed that he was trying to probe her thoughts. Amidala felt, quite literally, as though she were trapped in his head…she had once "slept" for over twelve hours, despite numerous attempts to wake her, while in the throws of one of those dreams. Still, when she woke up, she wasn't able to tell much of what had happened.
It was all so vague, confusing – the only thing that came through clearly were the emotions: both his and hers, both positive and negative. They almost overwhelmed her at times, and seemed to linger with her for days.
But when it came down to it, they were all that was left of her connection to him. She craved and feared her dreams at the same time.
Amidala shook her head and sighed, and willed herself to sleep.
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Anakin knelt – eyes closed, hands on his thighs, body absolutely still. His Sith Infiltrator continued to race toward Coruscant.
Meditation had never been one of Anakin's favorite tasks. His connection to the Force was always better felt through action – racing, flying, fighting…anything was better than just sitting there…waiting.
He hadn't attempted a meditation since he had joined Lord Sidious. There was little reason for it now.
You're afraid to.
That thought was discarded quickly. He wasn't afraid of any deep contemplation of what he was doing; it simply wasn't necessary. He knew what he was doing. He had made his decisions.
No, the reason he had begun the exercises again didn't have anything to do with that. It had to do with her.
Leaving her had been his only true regret in all of this. But he didn't intend for their separation to be permanent. She just couldn't be with him now – it was far too dangerous. He wasn't about to bring her to every battle-scarred system in the Republic. She didn't need to see all of the destruction and suffering.
You don't want her to see you. To see what you're doing.
Once it was all finally over, once the war was finished and order was restored…the first thing he planned to do was bring her to Coruscant. She would live as an Empress, as the First Lady of the new Empire. Anakin felt an electric rush of anticipation at thought. He was so close to having everything in place…
No. That piece will never fall into place.
Anakin jumped, and his eyes flew open. That wasn't his voice. It was hers. And while he had gotten quite skilled at ignoring the words of his own conscience, he still felt compelled to listen to her.
And she was telling him that she didn't understand. She couldn't see the hypocrisy of the Jedi, or the decadence of the Republic. She didn't believe that drastic change was needed.
She was confused.
He didn't blame her. After all, she was surrounded by Jedi and politicians and Rebels. Who knew what they were telling her, what stories she had heard about him? It disgusted him to even think about it. But he would convince her. He would explain.
Of course, he would have to find her first.
After he left, Anakin had kept a close eye on her. He read each and every report that came out of Naboo, and reached out to her constantly through their mental link.
Then, explicably, she completely vanished. She left Naboo, and he couldn't figure out where she had gone. And their mental connection was entirely severed. Anakin had gone into a tailspin, panicked and terrified – what had happened to her? He couldn't fully bring himself to consider the possibility that she was dead, but subconsciously, that fear nearly drove him mad.
When the visions started, Anakin's relief was beyond description. She was still alive, still connected to him, still communicating with him…whether she was aware of what she was doing or not. It had started in his dreams, and he wondered now if he would be able to strengthen their bond, and focus the visions, through meditation.
And what would you say to her?
The voice was tired and sad. After a moment's hesitation, he ignored it. Anakin closed his eyes again, and went into a meditative trance.