A/N: This story takes place after my OnStar one shot. So if you haven't read that you might want to check that out first.
I wrote this story before seeing Oh No Yono which I'm told has some major Kim dispensing of affection in it. This is a minor rant at Disney Channel's lack of allowing or favorite couple to grow up. Which I can understand after all we don't want the High School Musical crowd to learn that couples actually do more than hold hands and look dreamily into each others eyes before bursting into song.
So this small comedic effort has to start out sadly with the ending of a relationship in order to setup hilarious situational humor in later chapters. At least I hope it will be hilarious. I mean come on Ron a normal guy placed in charge of overseeing an island full of nude virginal females. It's got funny written all over it for crying out loud.
Oh well write a review receive a reply.
I do not own Kim Possible, OnStar, Cadillac, or anything that has remotely to do with them.
Ron Stoppable pulled his sweaty blonde head out of the trunk of Mr. Barkin's new Cadillac Fleetwood, "That's as clean as I can get it Mr. Barkin." He said nervously as he eyed the large Vice Principle for Middleton High School.
The large man peered inside the trunk looking for evidence of any remaining poop from Ron Stoppable's pet naked mole rat Rufus. He stood up straight and nodded his head in approval before speaking, "Stoppable just how did you get locked into the trunk of my Cadillac again?"
He sighed as he once again recounted his embarrassing tale, "Well you see...Me and Kim heard you got a new car so we decided to check it out. Well the car was locked so we called our friend Wade and he said that just underneath the car and behind the left wheel there's a compartment that has a switch that will open the driver's side door in case the battery for the keyless entry goes dead."
"Not enough missions to go on so you two have to turn to car theft?" A very menacing looking Mr. Barkin asked.
Ron swallowed hard as he realized he said a little too much, "Uh...hee hee, no...Uh we were going over the car. Oh, it's a sweet ride by the way."
"Gee, I'm glad you like it." Barkin said sarcastically.
"Anyway somehow the trunk got open and I went to go check it out. Next thing I know a hand pushes me in the back and the trunk closes and I'm locked in." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Do you know how the trunk got open in the first place?"
Ron shook his head that he didn't.
"Possible hit the trunk release from inside the glove box."
His eyes blinked for a moment as he began to put two and two together, "You mean Kim could have let me out at anytime?"
"Precisely"
Ron shook his head in disbelief, "Then...why the call to OnStar? Why did she keep me in the trunk until you let me out?"
Barkin rubbed his chin, "Stoppable, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you two are having relationship problems."
The blonde headed boy nodded in agreement, "Yea, I think so..."
"Well I'm not Dear Florence so work em' out and stay away from my car." He ordered before walking away from Ron to get in his car to leave.
Ron stepped back away from the car and waved weakly as the Cadillac pulled away. Once he was alone he began to think about the relationship problems that they were having. He began the short walk home, "Things really haven't been going too well with me and KP. I mean, it was great in the beginning but now...I don't know maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm being selfish."
He felt Rufus squirming around in his pocket so he reached in and pulled him out, "It wasn't too cool of Kim locking us in the trunk was it?"
Rufus stuck his tongue out, "No way, yuck."
Ron tried to grin, "I wish Kim would have stuck around but she had to work. I wish I had someone to talk to now..."
"Kim's mom?"
He stopped for a moment, "No, no this is guy stuff and guy stuff that can't be talked about with Mr. Dr. P. either."
"Ohhhhh poor boy" The mole rat said as he patted his head.
"No one I can really talk to about this other than Kim. She gets off at 9:00 so I'll go down to her house about 9:30." He mused as he turned the corner to walk to his house.
The next four hours were a strain on Ron's psyche as he ran all the different things that could go wrong through his head, "She could cry, she could scream at me, she could beat the tar out of me...It's just the way I feel though."
He looked out the window and saw the headlights of Kim's car light up the garage door of the Possible's house. Ron took a deep breath and nodded, "Time to get this over with." He said quietly. Rufus tried to crawl into his pocket but Ron grabbed him and set him on his desk, "Sorry buddy I have to do this alone."
Rufus looked dejected and nodded, "OK"
Ron looked himself over one more time in the mirror, "This could easily be the stupidest move of my entire life." He thought as he turned and walked out of his room.
He made the long walk down the street. His heart was heavy but this had to be done. The door loomed large in his sight now as he walked closer and closer. He stopped and stared at the door, at one time it was an inviting presence but now it filled him with dread. Now he was looking into the unknown.
Ron reached out and noticed his hand was trembling, "Stop it, stop it now." He thought as he tried to will his hands from shaking.
He took a deep calming breath and rang the door bell. In a few moments the door was opened by Mr. Dr. P., "Good evening Ronald. Kind of late for a house call isn't it?"
"Yes sir but...I promise I won't be long. So if..."
"Tell Kim you're out here. You got it. I'm sure she'll be down in a sec." The elder Possible said as he walked up stairs to get Kim.
Ron wiped the sweat off of his face and tried to make the saliva work to wet his dry mouth but nothing was functioning the way he wanted it too. He turned his back and walked into the driveway and admired Kim's car, "I wish I had a car of my own."
"Hey Ron, what brings my BFBF out this late at night?" Kim said with a grin.
He didn't return the grin, "I...I got Mr. Barkin's trunk cleaned out."
"Oh, well...that's good." Kim said quizzically.
"Um...um...Why did you lock me in that trunk?" Ron asked and then winced suddenly wishing he had phrased the question more tactfully.
Kim folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath, "Well on our last few dates you've been pretty free with your hands...and I didn't appreciate it."
Ron nodded, "OK...I kind of gathered this after the hammerlock and the wrist lock...Did you have to lock me in the trunk of a car though?"
"I...I...don't know the thought just came to me...I didn't mean to get us in trouble or anything." Kim said defensively.
"Kim...we really need to talk." Ron said with a soft chuckle.
She rolled her eyes, "Look Ron I promise I won't lock you up in any more trunks."
"It's more than that Kim...We've got problems." Ron said softly.
Kim shifted her weight on her feet, "Not...not if you keep your hands to yourself."
Ron frowned, "Kim...we've been dating now for almost a year. In the last year the only displays of affection I get are if you hug me or the occasional peck on the cheek...I...I want more."
She frowned and turned her back on him and stuck out her butt, "Fine, fine you want to touch my butt, touch it, and touch it all you want."
He laughed and shook his head, "No, no...I...Kim...Why did you want to go out with me?"
Kim was taken aback by the question, "Well we've been friends forever, and, and..."
"Eric was a bust and I was the last man standing?" Ron tried to help her out.
"NO" Kim said angrily.
Ron smiled and nodded, "Kim your last two boyfriends have been great looking guys, Josh the moody cool artistic type and Eric who seemed like Mr. Perfect at the time...Neither of which I approved of but that goes without saying. Anyway, I want more from our relationship and I don't think you're willing to go any further because I'm not perfect or gorgeous."
"That's not true Ron..."
"...Kim you about snapped my thumb off for making the mistake of trying to put my arm around you when we were in line for the movies." Ron reminded her emphatically.
"It was only a sprain..."
Ron wiped his face, "Kim...I want to be more intimate with you...and I know you can't give that to me."
"Ron there's more to intimacy than groping and butt touching." Kim reminded him.
Ron sighed, "I know Kim, I know...Dating you has been the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I hope it meant as much to you..."
"Ron, I'm sorry about locking you in the trunk and..."
"Kim we are so kidding ourselves...This lack of affection from you and you not allowing me to show you any affection has been a problem for a while now." Ron said sadly.
She took a step back from him, "What...what are you saying Ron?"
"Well here it goes." He thought sadly as he licked his lips and steadied himself for the unknown, "I think...I think it would be best if we didn't date each other anymore."
Kim turned up her chin as she let Ron's words wash over her, "Well...fine, fine then...You know...you know how much teasing and taunting I put up with for you?"
Ron lowered his eyes, "I know, I'm sorry Kim."
She put her hands on her hips and struck a defiant pose, "You don't have to feel sorry for me...I...I can replace you like that." She said bitterly as she snapped her fingers.
"I know you can, Kim Possible can do anything." Ron said softly.
Kim nodded her head, "So...so what are you going to do now?"
Ron shrugged, "Go back to the bottom of the food chain where I belong. I'll probably ask a few girls out but not right away."
"Will...you still go out on missions with me?" Kim asked softly.
He nodded, "Yea, yea...until...I...uh...meet someone...then I won't be able to...It wouldn't be fair to the new girlfriend."
Kim nodded her head sadly, "Yea, yea...Never know when she'll want you around to touch her butt."
Ron laughed softly, "Yea...well...I'll see you around Kim." He said his piece and then he turned and walked back home. Fighting the urge to turn and look behind him.
She watched him walk away. She felt sad but not broken hearted, "Why aren't I miserable? Could Ron have been right and this was all just a game I was playing with myself."
Kim walked slowly back upstairs and into her room. She changed into her nightshirt and sat cross legged on the bed thinking about what he had said to her, "Did I really have to push him into the trunk of that car? I mean it was obvious what he wanted...I mean, I look around at other couples happily embracing and touching each other in familiar ways. Would it have been so wrong to let him touch my butt or even to touch me without asking?"
She wiped a small tear from her eye, "Maybe I rushed into things asking him out. I don't know. I wish I knew what I could have done to have saved this?" She looked at herself in the mirror, "Who am I kidding, I know what he wanted. He wanted a real girlfriend just like other guys. I wish I could have been that for him but I'm just not some bubble headed arm candy."
Ron sat at his desk utterly depressed, "I just dumped my first real girlfriend. My hands are shaking bad and I feel miserable. I...I wish I had someone to talk to...Someone who has no interest what so ever in this whole thing."
He thought for a moment and then pulled out his list of emergency numbers from cheer squad, "Bonnie could care less about me or Kim...I'll call Bonnie."
Ron pulled out his cell phone and dialed Bonnie's number, "This is stupid. What am I going to say to her?"
"Hello?"
"Hey Bonnie, its Ron." He said weakly.
"Ron? Ron who?"
Ron chuckled, "Ron Stoppable"
There was silence on the other end before Bonnie spoke again, "How did you get this number?"
"It was on the list I have from when I was on the cheer squad."
There was a loud sigh, "I knew I should have had that number changed now any loser who wants to call me can call me..."
"I broke up with Kim tonight." Ron said again hoping to change the direction of the conversation.
Again there was silence, "So what are you doing now, trying to ask me out?"
"No, no...I just need someone not connected to any of this to talk to." He said sadly.
"Oh...well...what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know...I just keep asking myself if I did the right thing." Ron said as he stood and began pacing the room.
"Hold on, wait...You did the dumping?" Bonnie asked incredulously.
"Yea"
There was a loud sigh, "You know of course this puts you at the bottom of the food chain again."
He chuckled softly, "Bonnie's always about the food chain."
"Yea...I know...back to the bottom."
"Well not the very bottom...I mean you were a football star." Bonnie said trying to not sound harsh.
Ron chuckled, "Well that's something I guess."
"So why did you guys break up? If you don't mind me asking?"
Now it was Ron's turn to be quiet as he thought it over. He didn't want to hurt Kim's feelings or give Bonnie any ammunition to use against her at school. He also knew there were only a few months remaining till they graduated.
"We...I wanted to take our relationship to a new level and she didn't." He told her finally.
"Ah she wouldn't put out."
"NO...no that's not it..." He said defensively.
"OK fine let me guess then. You wanted a more mature relationship than she was prepared to give?"
Ron smiled, "That sounds better. What I really want to know Bonnie is...did I do the right thing?"
Bonnie was silent again before her next question, "Ron, were you happy with Kim the way it was going?"
"No...I wasn't...I mean, I tried, I really tried." Ron said desperately.
"The whole football team thing was to impress her wasn't it?"
"Yea...I never would have tried out but...I wanted to impress her so bad." Ron said as his voice began to quiver with emotion.
"RON, don't you start blubbering on me...You did all you could then you couldn't do any thing more. You did your best and it wasn't good enough this time. There are lots of girls out there that would love you to make that kind of effort for them." She told him as she was trying to calm him down.
"REALLY? Like who?" Ron asked, already suspecting Tara but he would really like to know if there were any others.
"Well, you know Tara really, really likes you."
Ron smiled, "Yea, Tara is sweet. Anyone else that you know of?"
Bonnie laughed, "Duh, Ron most girls don't want to cross paths with Kim so they don't really broadcast those things. Tara's different...She's honest..."
"Yea...I just wish this relationship stuff wasn't so hard." Ron said sadly.
"One more question Ron. Do you love Kim?"
He smiled. There was no need to even think about the question, "Yea"
"That's why it's so hard. Maybe Tara will be the one for you maybe not. Who's to say...You want me to call her and let her know you're on the market and are definitely interested in her?"
"Awwww, you'd do that for me? Booyah Bonnie you're the best." Ron said happily.
Bonnie chuckled, "You know me Ron. Any chance to put Kim down, I'll take it."
Ron frowned, "No, no...I don't want to hurt Kim..."
"Ron, I was only kidding. Now go to bed and you'll feel better in the morning."
He hung up the phone feeling better than he had for the entire day. He smiled and thought happily to himself, "Tomorrow, new day, new girlfriend. Oh Bonnie is just too cool."
Then his thoughts took a more serious turn as he began to undress for bed, "I'll have to be careful with Tara. I know I'm on the rebound so I don't want to do anything that could hurt her. I'll have to remember to not talk about Kim too much and to let her talk about herself...Yea, girls like it when you let them talk about themselves. I learned that from Kim."
Now it was time to lie down and bed and plan all the clever things he was going to say to Tara and think about all the cool date things the two could do so they could get to know one another.
Kim's green eyes narrowed as she went over and over her conversation with Ron,"What does he mean he wants more from the relationship and I'm not capable of giving it?"
Now her temper was starting to boil, "Where does he get off thinking that he can just dump me. Nothing is over till I say it's over."
She picked up her cell phone and keyed in Ron's number and press the connect button. The phone rang and then she heard a beep signaling her that he was already on the phone. She immediately disconnected the call, "Now I wonder who he's calling this late at night?"
Kim rolled over and pulled out her wrist Kimmunicator from her mission clothes, "Wade"
The 14 year old African American computer genius's face appeared on the small screen. He was relaxing with his feet up in the air, "Hey Kim, what's up?"
"I need you to tell me who Ron's talking to right now on his cell phone." Kim said impatiently.
"Sure thing?" He said as he sat up and began pushing buttons, "Cell phone of the person he called belongs to Bonnie Rockwaller."
"BONNIE, BONNIE'S behind this?" Kim said sitting straight up in bed.
Wade was confused, "What, behind what?"
Kim stood up and began pacing the floor, "Ron came down here earlier tonight and broke up with me."
"WHAT!" Wade screamed over the Kimmunicator.
"I see it all too clearly now. Ron would have never done this by himself. Bonnie put him up to it. Probably told him a bunch of lies about...things." She ended her thought quickly after suddenly remembering who she was talking with.
"Uh...So you and Ron broke up. I'm sorry to hear that Kim. I thought you guys..."
"Save it Wade, can you tap into that call for me?" Kim said as she bit her thumb nail.
Wade didn't budge for a moment, "Are you sure you really want to do that Kim?"
Kim blinked and sat back down on the bed, "This is so wrong. Invading Ron's privacy like this...but I have to know if Bonnie put him up to it."
"DO IT"
Her phone rang and she picked it up and pressed the mute button so that Ron and Bonnie would have no idea they were being listened into by a very angry third party.
"Well, you know Tara really, really likes you."
Kim smirked, "You'd have to be an idiot or Ron not to notice."
"Yea, Tara is sweet. Anyone else that you know of?"
"Anyone of what?" Kim asked the empty room.
"Duh, Ron most girls don't want to cross paths with Kim so they don't really broadcast those things. Tara's different...She's honest..."
"Oh, oh and I'm not...Is that what your trying to say Bonnie." Kim eyes were blazing green orbs.
"Yea...I just wish this relationship stuff wasn't so hard."
"Well you made it hard bucko." Kim said belligerently.
"One more question Ron. Do you love Kim?"
"Yea"
"Awwwwww he still loves me. THEN WHY DID YOU DUMP ME!" She screamed into the night.
"That's why it's so hard. Maybe Tara will be the one for you maybe not. Who's to say...You want me to call her and let her know you're on the market and are definitely interested in her?"
"Awwww, you'd do that for me? Booyah Bonnie you're the best."
"You know me Ron. Any chance to put Kim down, I'll take it."
Kim's lower lip quivered, "Thanks a lot Bonnie."
"No, no...I don't want to hurt Kim..."
"Ron, I was only kidding. Now go to bed and you'll feel better in the morning."
She hung up the phone after she heard the Ron and Bonnie sign off. She stared into the mirror, "Nobody likes me."
Wade cleared his throat and this made Kim jump, "Oh...Wade...I...I..."
"That's why I asked if you were sure you wanted to listen in or not." He said quietly.
"Yea...I...I should have known better."
Wade nodded his head, "Well at least you know he still loves you so...maybe things don't look so hopeless?"
Kim felt a rage welling up inside her and then let it wash over her. She chuckled bitterly, "Yea I guess so...Put Bonnie and Tara on my list Wade."
"List, what list?" Wade asked in confusion.
"The list of all the people that are going to get their butt's kicked before I'm done with this." She said trying her best to sound happy but failing miserably.
"Uh, sure Kim, sure..."
Kim smiled wistfully as she realized how that must have sounded to Wade, "I'll talk to you later Wade. I think I'll just go to bed for now."
Wade nodded his head, "Nite Kim, hope it all works out for you."
Then the screen went black.
Kim tossed the wrist communicator over onto her mission clothes. She looked up the hill to the Stoppable's house, "Ron you think this is over, you are sadly mistaken…NOTHING IS OVER TILL I SAY IT'S OVER!" She screamed into the night.