Punkys Diary
5:00 am - Wake up. Godamn insomnia. Sit up in bed and play with myself. Must be careful not to disturb John.
5:10 am - Need new sheets. I wrap John up warm because I am a caring soul. John is so pretty when he sleeps.
5:12 am - Climb back into bed. Go to sleep.
8:00 am - Woken up by the sound of the shower. John asks if I could join him. I say yes, but I need to take a dump first.
8:05 am - I realise at a rather inopportune time that there is no toilet paper.
8:10 am - Hop in the shower with Johnny boy.
8:15 am - I drop the soap. Ohoho.
8:20 am - John is good. So very, very good.
8:28 am - I lift John against the wall and enter his spasming tunnel. This is amazing. I feel like my tinker has been touched by an angel.
8:35 am - John is washing my beard with Herbal Essences. I make those sounds like they do in the advert. I smell great.
8:47 am - He's now blow drying it. I could get used to this. Maybe I should settle down. Hmmm.
9:00 am - I offer to make him breakfast but he insists he has to leave. Fair enough. There's only enough egg and soldiers for one person anyway.
9:35 am - Realise I have a sax lesson in ten minutes. No time for clothes.
9:45 am - I arrive at sax class. Old Jimmy is here too. He's blowing through the wrong end. I keep quiet.
9:50 am - I am a master of the sax! No one can live up to my skill! HAHA
10:10 am - I declothed everybody by simply playing 'My First, My Last, My Everything'. Even Jim stripped. Barry White, eat your heart out.
10:25 am - That was fun. On the way home I see Festus slouched in the rose bush of love humming the tune of 'A Guy like You'. This is a familiar sight. I still can't believe what happened the other night. Looks can be decieving.
10:30 am - My phone rings. It's Miz. He wants an appointment. I play hard to get. He's very persistant. But I oblige, because I like to give back.
10:34 am - Switch on the news. See a report on an elderly man who was crushed by a bunch of 'sleazy, disgusting, rotten human beings'. Sheesh. The youth of today.
10:41 am - Oh, someone's at the door. Its the police! They admire my tinker before asking if I know of a 'Brucie'. I tell them yes, I invented that move. They seem confused. I feel a hand prod my modesty, I speedily swat it away and slam the door shut. I feel violated.
10:46 am - Phone rings again. I recognise the girly voice instantly. J Gay sounds desperate, he needs me a.s.a.p. Now, I'm getting a bit bored of him, so I suggest he bring his sexy ginger friend along for the ride. I can't wait.
11:00 am - J Gay and Heath arrive. I honestly cannot understand a word Heath is saying. But that doesn't matter. He seems nervous. This is confirmed when I gently clasp his very moist hand to lead them upstairs.
11:11 am - After a bit of smooching, I ask J Gay to be patient and await his turn. He takes a seat on the floor and observes my skills because I am a sex god, after all.
11:15 am - Heath seems uptight. He needs to settle down. I think he's trying to tell me something but his accent is so confusing. I run my hands through his silky, fiery red hair to calm his nerves. It worked, of course.
11:18 am - I work my way down his slender torso with my tongue.
11:21 am - Judging by his grunting, J Gay needs relieving. I see him writhing out of the corner of my eye. Muhahaha.
11:22 am - I roughly pull down Heath's pants to expose his member. OH MY GOD MICRO PENIS. WHAT.
11:23 am - I throw up. Realise I need new sheets again.
11:27 am - I find a lead pipe under the bed and wave it around like a barbarian. "EXCUSE ME, ITS CLOBBERIN TIME" I scream, as I chase him out the room with J Gay following close behind. J Gay leaps onto my back, throwing us both forward, causing us all to fall over and pushing Heath down the stairs in the process. I feel naked flesh against my back and realise what J Gay is doing.
11:30 am - I'm not impressed and throw J Gay down the stairs too.
11:35 am - They don't appear to be moving. I drag them out onto the front garden and go back inside.
11:39 am - I sit down and contemplate what had just happened. I can't believe that monstrosity got so close to me.
11:50 am - Ooooh, I remember I have a dinner date with Dolph planned for later on! I get all excited and go to jump on the bed.
12:06 pm - Still jumping.
12:10 pm - Run out of breath. I go play with some Lego.
12:34 pm - I'm hungry. I want pizza.
12:50 pm - Pizza was vile so I threw it at the wall.
1:03 pm - I feel like rocking out. It's time to call the resident rockstar for some fun. "Yeah baby! Dude, I'll be there in 5" he says.
1:08 pm - Chris arrives. We play air guitar on top of the table.
1:10 pm - Table breaks. I ask Chris if he fancies a spin.
1:45 pm - Jerry is always a good time. Always there for me when I need cheering up.
1:57 pm - I tell him all about the traumatic experience I had this morning. He laughs hysterically so I punch him. Hahahahaha.
2:11 pm - He gives me a codebreaker then leaves. I lie there unconcious.
7:10 pm - I get woken up by a rather dapper looking Dolph in a silver bow tie. Apparently I'm late for our meal. I put on my matching bow tie, my snazzy coat and hat and we head out, hand in hand.
7:30 pm - Dolph is such a gentleman. He takes my coat, sits me down and everything.
7:37 pm - I'd like to order some sushi. Dolph orders duck.
7:45 pm - We discuss Heaths disgusting tinker. I draw it on a napkin and show him. He throws up.
8:01 pm - SUSHI IS RAW FISH? SINCE WHEN? I DEMAND MY SUSHI TO BE COOKED!
8:16 pm - Dolph looks so hot eating his duck. I want to lick his hair.
8:20 pm - I finish my cooked sushi. Was not impressed. I order ice cream for both of us.
8:26 pm - While we wait for our dessert, I slip under the table. Hoho I'm such a tease.
8:29 pm - I hear Mr Ziggles choke on his duck. The table starts to shake as he holds on for dear life. He sure tastes better than whatever that 'sushi' was.
8:33 pm - The waiter comes over with our ice cream and Dolph starts to moan really loud. The whole place goes silent and stares in our direction. How exciting.
8:35 pm - Dolph stands up and pulls me off his tinker. He drags me through the restaurant with everyone still staring. I flash them all and give them a wink before we leave through the door. They love me.
8:37 pm - Dolph needs relieving. I push him in a nearby bush.
8:42 pm - This bush isn't very nice. I've already had to pull a squirrel out of my beard.
8:48 pm - We decide to head back to my place. I order him to give me a piggy back. We run through the night, naked and free.
9:10 pm - We stumble through the door. I push Dolph up against the wall. I pin his hands above his head and whip out a pair of pink handcuffs. I'm a magician.
9:13 pm - Just as I was about to thrust into Dolph, the door bursts open. Edge comes running through. SPEAR! Not to worry though, he's only here to fix the table.
9:15 pm - I softly plant kisses along the back of his neck whilst gaining a steady rhythm. I feel a tap on the back. "I'M BUSY. GO AWAY EDGE."
9:16 pm - The tapping continued. "Um, Punk, its me, Miz. I have an appointment." How could I forget about Miz? I love Miz! I swiftly pull out of Dolph and turn to face Miz.
9:17 pm - With a sharp click of the fingers, Miz's knickers drop. He looks at me with wide eyes and gets to his knees. I bury my hands in his hair as he bobs his head.
9:24 pm - I gasp as I feel something attack my bum hole. Dolph! Oh my. This sure feels good. Back and forth, back and forth. Yes.
9:45 pm - I reach my climax and collapse on the floor. I watch as both men go at it in front of me. I'm a lucky boy.
9:50 pm - Both Dolph and Miz look worn out. Poor things.
10:00 pm - We all climb into bed. I pull both of them close to me as we watch that magnificent film Albino Farm.
10:30 pm - I uncuff Dolph and he trims my beard.
11:45 pm - Albino Farm ends. We weep.
12:30 am - This is boring. Why are they asleep? I decide to talk to myself. "Hey Punk, fancy a spin?" "Sure!"