A/n: I have no idea where this came from, as I haven't written anything that isn't a research paper in ages. I promise that I'm planning (hoping) to see this through. Let me know what you think.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.
I was a dumb punk kid with nothing to lose
And too much weight for walking shoes.
I could have died from being boring.
As for loneliness,
She greets me every morning.
Something Pretty, Patrick Park
Last summer, she had every intention of running away to Paris, but a boy distracted her with words and chocolates and promises.
This summer, there is no boy to stop her so she dons a beret and starts dusting off her French accent in the backseat of an entirely different limo. She brings her best friend and they both pretend that the boys don't matter.
(The boys do the same, in Manhattan and in Prague, using Eastern European accents to help them forget).
Paris is beautiful, as always. They drink champagne and shop and it really isn't all that different than what they spend their time doing in Manhattan, but she doesn't suggest anything different and neither does Serena. They do what's comfortable and they talk about everything without really talking about anything. They laugh and smile and for the most part it's all genuine.
Lily calls Serena a week into their bubble of a vacation.
Apparently something has happened and Serena needs to fly back to the city immediately. Blair is asleep when Lily calls and Serena doesn't bother waking her. She flies home on a commercial jet and doesn't even think about what her sleeping best friend will say (about her choice of transport and about her sudden departure) when she finds out.
Blair spends the rest of the summer drinking champagne and shopping, but she doesn't laugh and she doesn't smile. She hasn't heard from Serena since she woke up with a note that said nothing more than, "Had to head back to the city early. See you in September. Love." Serena has always been a flake, so she doesn't think too much (other than irritation and resentment) when she doesn't get even a call or a text.
She flies home just a week before classes are to begin and immediately settles into her new apartment. Everything had been moved in while she was away, so the place looks like home. It doesn't, however, feel anything like home.
Her first day back is spent catching up with Dorota and playing with baby Anastasia. They all feed the ducks and she laughs her first real laugh in months.
Her second day back she heads to the bookstore to pick up the texts she'll need for class and runs into Nate. They hug and she asks how his summer in the city was. He smiles a small smile that she realizes means he has definitely had more contact with her best friend this summer than she has. He asks how Paris was and she can't help but roll her eyes as she tells him it was "perfect, obviously." The conversation doesn't last long after that; he has to go "meet someone" that she can only assume is Serena. He doesn't say and she doesn't push him on it, just kisses his cheek and turns back down the aisle where she assumes she'll find her French lit textbook.
She's not really sure why everything is so awkward. She and Serena never had a fight. She just left in the middle of the night (like usual) and didn't bother keeping her best friend in the loop after that.
Her third day back she heads to the coffee shop near NYU where she'd only deigned to step foot the year before. But she doesn't know anyone at Columbia yet (she doesn't know anyone at NYU either, but she ignores the part of her brain that reminds her of this small detail) and she really needs something familiar.
(Her usual UES spots won't do because she refuses to run into anyone who might know Serena and might look at her with the same look of pity that Nate gave her the day before in the bookstore. She's Blair Waldorf and she will not be pitied, even if her best friend did leave her on the other side of the world with nothing more than a haiku-length note).
She runs into Vanessa and she wonders what she did to deserve the constant barrage of people she'd rather she didn't know. They don't hug and they don't laugh, but they do acknowledge one another's presence as Blair waits for her non-fat hazelnut latte and Vanessa waits for whatever it is she ordered. Vanessa asks how Paris was and Blair asks how Haiti was and neither of them rolls their eyes in response. Blair eventually asks how Dan is and Vanessa's face twists in a way that she can't really decipher.
"You didn't hear?" she questions.
"Didn't hear what?"
"Wow. I'm surprised Serena didn't tell you."
Blair flinches a little before she responds, with more attitude than was probably necessary.
"Clearly you're just as out of the loop as I am. Serena abandoned me in Paris three months ago. I haven't heard from her since."
She's annoyed now—at Serena for abandoning her, at Nate for skirting around her yesterday, at Vanessa for existing, at Chuck for sleeping with Jenny Humphrey three months ago, at Dorota for having a child—and doesn't hesitate to march out the door the second she grabs her latte from the barista.
Her fourth day back she doesn't leave her apartment. She watches Audrey movies and drinks champagne and thinks that maybe she should a dog. That way there'd always be someone around, and a dog really wouldn't have a choice in the matter.
That weekend she gets a call from Serena for the first time since May. She hesitates for a for a few seconds before pressing "ignore."