Disclaimer:Dragonball Z is owned by Akira Toriyama and Bird Studios.
First
Published: September 10, 2000
Last Edited: January 11,
2003
I
Only Wish
by Silver Galaxy
We're safe now. The Androids and Cell are gone, the threat to Earth has finally defeated. And it only took twenty years - it only took the lives of my family and friends.
I always thought they were invincible. They never lost a battle. They never let Earth down... Never. When Goku died, the reality of life that had escaped us for so long was finally caught. If Goku could die, then absolutely anything could happen. The sky could fall. The universe could collapse upon itself. They could die.
They weren't invincible. They weren't enough.
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One could blame the fall of Earth on Goku. One certainly would be justified if they so chose to do so. If he had just killed Doctor Gero when he had the chance he wouldn't have come back with his Androids and Cell. If Goku hadn't caught that virus, we might have stood a chance. Goku was our hope. Goku was dead.
They all thought that with Goku on their side, they had more than a fighting chance. They had Goku: the hope for the future, and the triumphant victor for goodness. But with Goku dead, killed by something so simple, the hope for the future was lost. The triumphant victor was no longer triumphant.
It was all so long ago. It's hard to believe that it was nothing more than a dream. But Raditsu, Vegeta, Nappa, Freeza, and Garlic, Jr. were quite real. To this day, I find it hard to categorize Vegeta in with them, although he had once been just as cruel and heartless. Vegeta had his faults, he had his attitude, and he had his humanity. He fought just as hard as Goku would have, taking just as much precision and passion as Goku always had. When Earth first met Vegeta, no one thought that he would be the one responsible for the liberation of the planet. Trunks was his fault.
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Defending Earth countless times, and always prevailing - that's what my family and friends were notorius for doing. Why did that streak have to end? It wasn't supposed to end that way for them. They were supposed to live on and be here right now. Goku wasn't meant to die because of his heart disease. Gohan wasn't meant to be forced to live his life defending against an impossible force. Yamucha, Ten, Chaotsu, Krillin, and Piccolo weren't suppose to die. Our lives weren't meant to ripped away from us like this!
What stupid thoughts. How blind we were. How could we possibly have thought that we were the ones who would cheat death? How could we have possibly have thought that we were the ones who would cheat failure? We were ignorant, arrogant, and cocky. They were exactly the traits I strived to purge from my family.
Maybe what happened to Earth does have a person to blame? Maybe if I had allowed Gohan to train early on, instead of making him study so hard, he would have been powerful enough to defeat the Androids on his own? Maybe if I hadn't held him back? Maybe if... There are so many 'ifs.' Too many.
Trunks gave one of those ifs an answer: What if Goku had not died of his heart disease and had fought the Androids alongside the rest of the Senshi?
They would have won. They did win. Goku still died, yet, unlike my Goku, has the choice of being wished back with the Namekian dragon balls.
I envy Trunks. I envy him for being able to see Gohan, Krillin, Yamucha, Ten, Chaotsu, Piccolo, Vegeta, Goku...happiness, life, and so many other wonderful things we took for granted...and ultimately lost. Trunks was able to go back to when Earth was Earth: a joyous planet defended by the finest and most diverse people of the universe. Not... Not this: a world destroyed by a near twenty-year long onslaught of two out of control, man-made androids, where the defenders are dead. Well, all the defenders bar one. He was able to see his friends and family when they were happy and alive.
I will never see my Gohan again. I will never see my Goku again. I will never be able to try to stop Gohan from flying off to a reunion at Roshii's island, terrified at the thought of that dirty old man perverting my son with those ludicrous magazines. I will never be able to scold Goku again. I will never see any of them ever again. And I now just realize that?
Trunks was given the chance to see the life he should have had. Yet, in a way, he deserved to be able to do so. He didn't remember any of them, whereas I do. How could I forget? I will never forget a single moment I had with any of them. The memories are too precious and are all that I have left of them. Trunks is the one who saved them in their timeline. Trunks is the one who saved our timeline. Trunks is the son of Vegeta - sometimes it's just too hard to wrap my mind around.
I only wish he had been able to do it before Gohan was killed - before the suffering and hell was able to amplify. I only wish it had never happened. I only wish Goku had not died like he did.
I only wish to see them one last time. Just one more time. I want to cook for Goku and Gohan again. I want to see Goku's childish grin. I want to hear his voice. I want to hear Gohan complain about studying. I want him to be that age again, not the grown man, scarred both physically and mentally from a lifetime of fighting and death. I want the so many things that I took for granted back again.
I want my life back. I want my family and friends back. I want it all back. The bad things about our life, as well as the good. The bad things were what made the good things. The disobedience, the cooking, the cleaning, the constant worrying and anger... It's what made our life a life to be lived and cherished.
It wasn't supposed to make our life this: cold, empty, devoid of the ones I thought would never leave.
The End
(c) Silver Galaxy, 2000