Your name is JAKE ENGLISH.

And you're in love.

Indeed, this boy was madly in love. His heartbeat would pick up, throat become dry and words would fail to pass through his parted lips. Cheeks would turn into a dark hue of red which is only more obvious against his tanned complexion. On warm, sunny afternoons, most notably after he had left his high school, he was seat himself on the grass and think. Allow his mind to wander to places, but not just any place. He'd daydream of traveling with his crush, his love of his life. Thoughts differed and changed from discovering temples in South America to making out in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Alas, all things could not be true.

He always had an itching feeling, a thought that tugged at the back of his mind that people always fancied him: his close friends, Roxy, Jane and Dirk to be specific. And dear god had Jake spent hours by himself tossing and turning in bed at night, trying to convince himself that no, he wasn't in love with one of his best friends. The feeling had grown so strong in his chest that he couldn't deny it anymore. He knew everything about them: from the way they walked, their vocabulary and their sense of style. He'd memorized the fine details in their facial features and yes, Jake knew this wasn't right but he couldn't help it.

Before, he had consulted another friend, Jane, on the matter and she suggested it could just be a phase, high school romances were typically false hope but it didn't feel that way. No, not now. She was a sweet gal and yes, Jake was convinced she had some sort of romantic liking to him but brushed it off because he felt selfish, he felt like his romance was more important. It was so complex, so confusing and required full attention… didn't it?

Dirk Strider would flirt, endless flirting and ask things that may have been a bit… suggestive, to say the least, or just geeky little, "I'll have you swooning sooner or later, but don't worry: I'll catch ya." in that accent of his and oh god yes. Jake just wanted to tell him that Dirk already had him swooning, already had him here to bend at his every will. But he couldn't. Couldn't sum up the courage to speak up because thats all this was to Dirk: a game. A game where he would play with Jake's emotions without even knowing it. Jane and Roxy would tell Jake that no, Dirk was always like this. It doesn't mean anything.

Could it?

It had been a rainy evening, Jake had been caught under the droplets of water without an umbrella was waiting at the bus stop for the bus to arrive when Dirk had approached from behind with an umbrella. A smirk had been drawn across his lips and he made a cheesy comment on how anime this was, how they should kiss passionately under the umbrella. Shifting nervously, Jake's gaze had flickered from side to side, chewing on his bottom lip. A hand reached up and lips met lips.

That had been your first kiss.

Your first kiss with the one you loved.

But when they did start to date, everything felt pressured and Jake's feelings began to dwindle. Romantic feelings, anyway. He would lay in his empty bed on those cold nights while the Strider was away somewhere, whereabouts unknown to Jake. Rain poured down outside his window and stay awake, thinking of his relationship with Dirk. Did he love Jake… for him? Jake loved Dirk with all his heart: for who he was, not this facade he had going on behind those dark shades. But sometimes, it felt like Dirk was only there to change him. Change him into something he… wasn't. A weapon of some kind. Thoughts would whirr in and overtime, he'd convinced himself that no. Dirk didn't love him and it was all in Jake's head.

So he'd went along with it for the most part. Jake had already moved in with Dirk, at night they would cuddle and whisper sweet nothings every once in awhile but Jake had began to refuse to cuddle, move close to him after his paranoid thoughts began to eat away at his feelings of love for him. In the beginning of the relationship, it had been Jake asking Dirk to pay more attention to him: not just make a "brobot" to keep him company or a "Auto Responder" to talk to him and replace his best bro. The tables had turned and Jake would leave Dirk, days on end without returning home, answering calls and just stay at his friend Roxy's house.

The time was probably around 2 AM when Jake was awoken by his phone which continuously beeped to signal that he had received a message. He'd probably left his boyfriend for a good, solid five days without any communication. Jake reached out, blindly searching the nightstand for his phone. Retrieving it, he read through the message.

TT: Jake? Fuck, man, you're really starting to worry me.

TT: Five days. I can't go to sleep like this, you haven't told me anything. Just up and left.

TT: Like usual but…

TT: Pick up your damn phone.

TT: Please.

TT: I just need to hear your voice and make sure you're okay.

"I really should…" Jake thought, biting down on his lip as he stared at the glowing screen in the darkness of the room. Fingers reached towards the keypad, about to type back at reply and think up of a good lie to feed him. Something to give Jake more time. "I…" he watched, typing in a single 'I' before deleting it, "… I can't." Jake breathed out, placing the phone on the nightstand and watched as it flickered with more texts from Dirk and the occasional call. He rolled over in the bed to face away from the phone, pulling the covers over his face and shutting his eyes tightly.

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH.

And you can't do this anymore.