An illusion is casted when you lie. An illusion is casted when you are happy. We are merely specks in a world of oblivion. Our need to define ourselves, sets us apart from others. But what is the ability to define yourself? A shroud of illusions to make yourself seem much better than the next person. The lies, mistakes, selfishness are holes in our perfect illusion. So we cast them aside into the depths of our heart. They adore a world where everything is right, and unscathed by evil. But isn't good the better of two evils. Evil is the result of circumstances and the good are the result of the ability to cast away anything that threatens the perfect illusion of life.
"A Romance that sweeps you off your feet." Its nothing than a feeling of accomplishment and desire stating that you have successfully created a perfect illusion. How many fairy tales have I read where to get to the perfect ending, people die, or get hurt? Cinderella, living isolated all the time, having her flaws pointed out every single moment of the day, wants a happy ending so she can build her illusion like everyone else. The happy ending is nothing but a shroud that covers her insecurities, and her need to become equal to others.
Nothing in this life is permanent. Long, and lingering, but not permanent. Everything dies at one point. Even your feelings. You hate a person one minute and the next you admire them. You love a person, they add to the perfect illusion, but when the feeling of perfectness fades, you replace them with another that can substitute that same feeling in a more pronounced way.
Sometimes people who appear to be heartless and pitiless are the most compassionate people. The words that other people find hurtful hold the truth and humans' need to be perfect makes you feel like they are wrong and that "how dare they suggest that we are like that". We shrug off the hurtful things and automatically set up defensive walls around ourselves so the illusion of perfection would stay put. Morals, ideals don't exist. They are merely ways of how people justify their actions so people could accept them better and the cloak of obvious flaws would remain covered. How many times have we ignored or resented something that destroyed the peace of our hypocrite lives? That is what people identify as evil and bad. But, would the good also be bad/evil if they also disturb your life? The good is a disturbance that ends with more illusions and evil is a disturbance that remains unnamed and steadily grows until it destroys what illusion you have in your existence. Evil is when your flaws take over and you struggle to remain your past self. Evil is when your illusions are stripped away and you are left facing the awful truths of your existence. You face the ferocious beast that lays dormant in your heart and you resent it.
Our lives are based on our hesitance to face our hideous, flawed insecurities. Why does it hurt when people point your fears and your mistakes out? We want to keep our illusions to ourselves as a "safety blanket" and the need to stay with it grows until you are unable to exist with out it. It becomes part of your identity and losing the only constant in your life would mean giving up and losing everything illusion that you had in your life. that would result in facing your insecurities. Humans strive on order and something that destroys that order is resented and casted off to the dark corners of society, even if it is people.
And in war of the hardest wills and ideas, love had no place anywhere. Life is all about destroying and recreating mirages so that you wouldn't have to face the demons that reside in the depths of your soul. That is truly frightening, to release those spirits and become the one thing you were taught not to become.
People laugh when others attempt to take off their illusions. Their labeled as insane and not stable. But isn't insanity all about rebuilding yourself even if you lose yourself? Insanity is when you lose yourself into your true face and self. There's no stopping it. Even the best of men go insane when the pressure become too much. Isn't it better to not have a grasp on the cruel reality of our fake world than to live in constant lies and backstabbers? At least, people would leave you alone even if it's out of fear and resentment.
No matter how long you've know a person, you never truly trust them or know them. A friend for 12 years can change within moments and the memories of it stab you like a dull needle. The pain is there but barely noticeable to people around you.
Do people know when I flinch? Or when I want to just disappear? Or when I want nothing to do with them? It's better to be alone than be in the company of people that don't understand you or what you want. Even your parents fail to understand you. That leaves a hole in the heart that is never healed or never filled.
People say time heals all wounds, but what if the wounds got bigger? Then what? What if time becomes an inescapable cage in which we are trapped and are nothing but puppets in our own game? No matter how many times we think we have escaped the cage, it comes back and beckons us towards it once more. That is the game of our cruel life.
Some people are fortunate to choose where they want to go in life. Some people are not that fortunate. Their lives are pre-determined from birth. They have no rights to love and be free of the world. That just gives people an excuse to control others and increase their lust for power. Would a person willingly change themselves to fit society? Would they lose themselves in the crowds that we now call society?
My salty tears run down my cheeks, as I remember how helpless I am in my life. I notice things that I've never noticed before, like how people react and how tolerant people are actually. The cruelness, even if we think is gone, still lives within our selves. How many times have your parents put you down and insulted you? What if it gets to that point that you can't stand it if they touch you or even speak to you. Painting a fake smile is easier than making a real one because a fake one requires no feelings. Just muscles and movement. To really laugh is to free yourself of the restraint that hold you back, to really cry is to release the hold people have on you, to really be mad you need a passion that runs through your veins. But, that sounds so tiresome. Those moments weaken and fade until they are nothing to you. It goes to the point that you can't stand them. Painting fake feelings on your heart is so much easier than forcing it to feel something that you know is foreign to you.
The beating of the heart never slows. But it still hurts when you think of the agonizing moments in your life. Why? Why does our heart react like that? Wouldn't it just be better if nothing existed? If our world was oblivion? The ties that bind you to this material world will have no affect whether you live or not. They are merely names in which you place your deepest secrets. The safest place to be is in your own mind, but when that also deceives you, you are not safe. The world become unbearable and distant. Every moment suffocates and constricts you. It's not easy being what other people think you are.
Sometimes you have to just let go. Live like you want to live. Have no thoughts about society and what it would say. Would they care if you did something? Only for the amusement and entertainment, do people prey on others. They need to fulfill the part of them that thrives on others pain. Would it matter what you did twenty years from now? Would it still be around? Would people still talk about it? No. The things people do are only there for a moment, and fade into history like the rest.
It's not until we bleed tears, do we realize that life is unfair. Its not until we break down and shatter, do we realize that life doesn't wait for anyone. We don't realize it until too late that we are all alone in this hard, cold world.
It's not until later...