A/N: Alright, let me start out by saying that I've watched Captain America Civil War twice now and I'M OBSESSED. It's by far my favorite Marvel movie, so I just had to write some sort of story for it! This takes place right after Cap tells the team to "Suit Up," which left me (and other audience members, I'm sure) confused as to where they were going to change. I saw a pretty funny image on iFunny about this scene, so I drew some inspiration from it. I hope y'all like it!

I do not own the Marvel Universe. If I did, however, this is how that moment would've played out.

~o0o~

"Alright, team, let's suit up!"

Captain America's loyal supporters cheered at their leader's demand, high-fiving and sharing meaningful eye contact to the imaginary heroic music in the background, when suddenly-

"Wait… you mean right now?"

Steve turned to Scott Lang, who was scratching his head awkwardly. He crossed his arms, muscles noticeably bulging, and Scott shuddered at the sight. "Yeah, I mean right now. Do you have a problem submitting to my authority?"

The rest of the team looked over at the new recruit, who was currently sporting some very obvious pit stains. "No, not at all Steve! I mean Captain! Or should I call you sir? Anyway, I was just confused as to where we're going to change is all." He shuffled his feet awkwardly under the Captain's steely gaze.

"We're going to change right here, right now. Alright, team, suit up!" This time the phrase didn't elicit any response from his team members. Steve looked around, confused. "Guys?"

There was some quiet coughing and nervous whistling. None of them seemed to be able to look their leader in the eye. Finally, after releasing an audible sigh, Wanda spoke up. "You expect me to change right here? In front of all of these men?" She gestured to the rest of the team, eyebrows raised.

Now it was Steve's turn to feel awkward. If he said yes he'd sound like a complete pervert, and he honestly didn't even think about the fact that she was the only woman among five other men. Wanda was like a little sister to him, and while he trusted his entire team, he didn't want any of them to be tempted to turn around and sneak a peek of her while changing. On the other hand, if he said no he'd be going back on his first order to the entire team, which would screw up their whole group dynamic.

"Um… you can change in the van. The rest of us will change out here." He beamed at his solution, clapping his hands together loudly. "Alright, now we can suit up!"

"Cap, we're at an airport," Sam muttered, scrunching up his nose slightly. "Not exactly the most discreet place to change clothes. What if people walk in on us?"

"I'm not wearing underwear," Bucky declared. Everyone's heads swiveled over to him, their expressions ranging from disgust to admiration. His cheeks flushed under the sudden attention. "What? I just figured that may be relevant information at this time."

At this point the Captain was pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. The rest of the team didn't notice, continuing their discussion.

"There's also the chance that Tony and the rest of them will show up any second," Clint offered, crossing his arms. "They could easily spot us if we change out in the open. Imagine facing them in nothing but our underwear?"

"We'd be a laughingstock," Sam agreed. "Although some of us wouldn't be too humiliated," he added, lifting his shirt to show off his abs. Wanda scoffed at the sight, earning a dirty look from the Falcon. She rose up her hands in defense.

"What? I mean nothing against you, Sam. It's just that all of you would be competing against a shirtless Steve Rogers."

"Aw, Damn it!" The previously shirtless Ant Man tugged his sweater back on, glaring at Captain America.

Steve cleared his throat loudly, gaining back the attention of his team. "Alright, guys, that's enough. Clint made a good point, earlier: Tony and the rest of them could show up here any second, and we'll just be standing around in our civilian clothing arguing about which Avenger would be the hottest naked!"

"Black Widow," Scott muttered softly.

"So we need to suck it up and suit up! If anyone sees us changing, then we deal with it!" The Captain promptly slipped his shirt over his head, giving a pointed look to the rest of his team. They sighed, lapsing into an awkward silence interrupted by nothing but the unbuckling of belts and sounds of clothing hitting the floor. Wanda obediently did the same in the privacy of the van.

Everything was fine until the sound of footsteps slapping against the pavement started to come their way. Steve faltered slightly before determinedly taking off his pants, choosing to ignore the disturbance. He figured that if they all just kept on doing what they were doing the civilian would just pass on by without overthinking the situation. Hopefully they would simply assume they were a group of friends changing clothes after a long trip. At the airport. In the parking lot. Totally normal, right?

The footsteps got closer. He paused before unzipping the bag that held his Captain America suit, worried the stranger would contact the authorities. No doubt the news broadcasts and local papers had slandered his name, demanding his arrest. A quick glance around showed him that everyone else was thinking the same thing, averting their eyes from whoever was about to pass by and concealing their costumes and weapons.

The footsteps stopped. He heard a gasp. After several seconds of silence passed, Steve Turned to face whoever had walked into this awkward situation.

It was a woman. That alone wouldn't have been too big of a deal, but this woman was so old it looked like the blink of an eye would spook her into swallowing her own dentures. Even worse, she just happened to be holding hands with whom Steve could only assume to be her granddaughter, who couldn't have been more than five years old. Both of them were staring at the group of underwear-clad men, the woman in horror, the granddaughter in confusion. The rest of the guys stared at Steve. They're wide eyes sent a pretty clear message: "You're the Captain, you deal with this!" Steve awkwardly cleared his throat and looked back at the citizens.

"Ladies," he finally choked out, nodding his head respectfully. He silently prayed that he wasn't wearing the Pokémon themed underpants Natasha had gotten him as a joke. The woman continued to stare, but not at the men. Furrowing his eyebrows, he followed her gaze to the van. Wanda had already finished changing, so she simply lay down and closed her eyes in the back of the van while waiting for the rest of them to finish. From the woman's perspective, it probably appeared as if she were sleeping.

Inside of a white van.

Surrounded by nearly naked men.

Oh dear God.

Suddenly realizing the appearance of the situation, Steve turned to the horrified lady to explain, but the little girl interrupted him before he had a chance to explain himself.

"What's that, Nana?"

Her tiny finger was pointed right between Bucky's legs, whose face was as red as Vision's. "Told you I wasn't wearing underwear," he said weakly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Look, ma'am," Scott began, cautiously approaching the woman. "It's not what it looks li- AGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Scott reared back, clutching his eyes and stumbling around like a baby deer. The woman's arm was outstretched, and she was holding a rather menacing bottle of pepper spray. She was shaking, but not with fear. "How dare you hooligans besmirch that young girl's virtue?!" She shrieked, pushing her granddaughter behind her.

"No, lady, there's no-er- besmirching going on here," Clint said, hands out in a calming gesture. Steve nodded in agreement, taking a tentative step towards the woman.

That was a huge mistake.

Suddenly she was grasping a large green bag that smelled heavily of perfume, flailing it around in the air while screaming a violent battle cry. Steve and Clint managed to dive out of the way, but it socked Sam in the stomach, sending him sprawling on the floor.

"What the hell's in that thing, bowling balls?" he wheezed.

"Animal crackers," the granddaughter corrected, smiling cheerfully.

After some more screaming and dodging of the multiple items the lady happened to have in her bag, they were able to calm her down. Wanda came out and confirmed that she was not an innocent young woman who they kidnapped and drugged. She made up a tale on the spot, claiming to actually be their good friend who had locked their clothing in the van as a joke. Fortunately the woman bought their story (she didn't bother wondering how Wanda would have access to all of their clothes in the first place) and didn't recognize any of them as members of the Avengers. She apologized, even giving the red-eyed Scott some animal crackers to make amends. He glared at her as she waddled away, chomping the head off of an elephant cracker as she did so.

"I don't like her," Sam muttered, still clutching his stomach.

"I can't believe I let Clint lure me away from the base and into a white van," Wanda added, earning a playful nudge from him.

"Alright, guys! Now that that's over, let's-"

"How many times are you going to say that phrase, Steve? Let's just hurry up and put some clothes on. It's chilly out here." Everyone glanced over at the Winter Soldier, momentarily forgetting that he was stark naked. Wanda suppressed her scream, merely emitted a small squeak while Steve and Clint hastily covered her eyes.

"…Oops."

Finally, after five more minutes of shimmying into suits and awkwardly asking each other for help with the zippers, they were ready. Steve looked down the line of heroes, smile growing at each determined face staring back at him. "Good job, guys. You suited up."

~o0o~

Later On…

"We need a distraction!" Steve shouted, hurling his shield over at Black Panther just before he clawed out Bucky's eyes.

"I have something, but I can't hold it for long!" Scott said.

"Hold that thought, Lang," Wanda interrupted. "Save whatever trick you have up your sleeve for later. I have something that I know will work."

"Then go for it, Wanda! We believe in you!"

"Thanks, Steve. And Bucky, I'll go ahead and apologize in advance.

"Apologize for what?"

Without replying, Scarlet Witch promptly stopped hurling cars at their enemies and closed her eyes, concentrating on the one image she wanted to project. She twisted her hands in a methodical matter, red light sparking from her fingertips. In one swift movement she flicked her wrists outward, sending out the frozen memory.

"OH GOOD LORD, WANDA!"

Iron Man was the first to react.

"STEVE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LETTING HER DO? AHHH, MY EYES!"

"The Winter Soldier continues to insult me with this attempt at showing dominance!" T'Challa growled, attempting to shake the image out of is head.

"I've seen better," Natasha announced, dodging one of Clint's arrows.

"Woah, you can send mental pictures using your mind? That's the coolest power ever! Good thing the guys at my school can't do this, or a whole bunch of people would be receiving images like these in their brain!"

Tony moaned. "Great, you even sent it to the kid. That's just perfect."

"I can't focus, Tony!" Rhodey complained. "I see it every time I blink! It's like its staring me in the face!"

Amidst his team members' confusion and general disgust, Vision had completely ceased fighting, instead floating in stunned silence and staring at Wanda. Sure, he was less than a year old, but even he knew what that was and what it probably meant for her to have seen it.

Wanda, he started, telepathically sending her his thoughts, why…how… in what situation did you see his… area?

Well, after I left the base Hawkeye drove me in a white van. Then Captain America told me to take off my clothes inside of the van while he and the rest of the men took off their clothes as well, and at one point I saw his… you know what.

Wanda was no idiot; she knew exactly how that would sound to Vision. While he was perhaps her closest friend out of all of the Avengers, she still wasn't over him trying to keep her trapped in that building. She understood that he truly meant the best through his action… but she had the right to freak him out a little, didn't she?

Of course, she didn't expect him to immediately swoop down and gently gather her in his arms, speeding away from the fight while he shouted "Those of you involved in this shall experience my wrath!" in the most furious tone she's ever heard him use. She mentally noted to explain the situation to him after Steve and Bucky made a successful escape.

"Judging from everyone's reactions, I'm pretty sure Wanda send them an image of my-"

"Yeah, she did, Buck," Steve affirmed, cutting off his best friend. "We should probably get going now, though."

"Yeah, sounds good."

With Vision gone and the rest of the team preoccupied, Steve and Bucky made their escape. Oblivious to their departure, Scott continued to talk to them as if they were still amidst the battle. "Guys, I have another distraction we can use if we need it! I don't want to give anything away, but it's a big deal! Yeah, it'll be a huge surprise! Wait, let me think of another…"

"Oh, cool, the small guy can make his body huge as well!" Peter chirped, having overheard Scott's bragging.

"Damn it, spiderling!"

"SpiderMAN!"

~o0o~