This oc is not just based on me, it is me. Her family is my family (yes my mother is this paranoid), her friends are my friends, she may be a bit of a Sue, but that's because I'm a Sue. Tell me if it's dull, but if there's bad grammar, please don't tell me, I will have a mini heart attack.

'Mummy! My Hogwarts acceptance letter arrived!' I shouted, while tearing it open and running up the foot-killing stone stairs and started reading it. 'To Rebecca Daisy...'

'Shred it immediately!' She said from her room, I went in.

'Why? I don't think you heard me. It's my Hogwarts acceptance letter; I've been waiting for this my whole life!'

'You are not going to Hogwarts, you are going to Beaux Batons. You must not go to a co-ed school, you'll get pregnant as soon as you get there, I don't trust boys that age!' She said and would have continued into another 'teen sex' rant if I hadn't put my hand over her mouth.

'Calm, promise not to talk and I let go.' I was very used to doing this, it happened about once a week. She nodded so I took away my saliva covered hand and wiped it on my pyjama bottoms.

'Mum, I'm responsible, you know me I can't even say that word without cringing and I threw up when you gave me 'the talk', plus I've always been considered 'one of the guys' by all my male friends. And, mum, it's physically impossible for a guy to get into my room, slippy stairs, remember?'

'But darling, you can go into a boy's room.' She said looking absurdly worried.

'I'm scared of germs, it took you two hours to convince me to go into my ten year old squid brothers rather tidy room the other day, do you really think I'd go into a room shared by five lazy, eleven year old, Slytherin, wizard boys? And did you know, girls who go to single sex schools, especially for boarding, are twice as likely to have you know before 16?' I said, hoping that she didn't realise the fact was totally made up.

'Oh Merlin, really?' she said with a look of extreme worry 'Hand me the parchment ant my quill, you are going to Hogwarts young lady, whether you like it or not!'

'Face-wolf.' I said.

She turned her head to face me almost instantly, 'what's 'face-wolf' is it something rude, what is it, tell me?'

'No, mother,' I said face palming 'remember that Lord of the Rings marathon I did with the girls?'

'What's Lord of the Rings?'

'It's a muggle movie, Simon introduced me to it.'

'Is it about wolves?'

'What? No!'

'Then what is all this about face wolf?'

'You know my wolf puppet, that U hug when I'm scared?'

'Ah, yes, Lu.'

'Well, Lara was being an imbecile a lot, so I face palmed with the wolf on my hand, satisfied?'

'Not really, why do you say it instead of doing it?'

'I'm too lazy.'

'You get that from me.'

'Ah, yes! Thank you mother, for all the wonderful genes you have bestowed upon me!'

'I didn't give you any of my muggle clothes! They're all size 14, you're a 10 at the biggest!'

'I give up!'

And so I went back to my room and called Ella, 'I got my Hogwarts acceptance letter! Squeeeeeeeee!'

'Yeah, me to, my dad was pretty relaxed about it but he said I was not to turn into one of those marauder fellows and under no circumstances was I to talk to or even look at the Weasly twins or Peeves the Poltergeist.'

'I have got to agree with him, but you're lucky, my mum went on this whole rant about how I she didn't trust boys our age one little bit and I was 'going to get pregnant as soon as I got there!' most cringey rant yet.'

'You? Get pregnant? Lol! The last time you talked to a boy who wasn't related to you was... actually, when was it?'

'I have no idea, I think I may have told Lara's brother to shut up a couple of months ago. Yes! I remember! Shouting at him during the LOTR marathon! But Orlando is nine, so no worries there.'

'He did touch your butt.'

'I am going to kill you in your sleep.'

'How would you manage that? I'm going to be in Ravenclaw, you are going to be in Slytherin.'

'How do you know?'

'Just for the record, I am raising my eyebrows amusedly.'

'Honey!' I heard my mum shout 'Which underwear...'

'Got to go.' I said hurriedly into the phone and slammed it into the whatever the muggles called that little hole thing in the phone system.

'What is it mum?' I asked walking out of my room towards her.

'Which underwear do you want to take?' She asked, holding my suitcase with what appeared to be a selection of boxes at the bottom.

'I'll pack, you forget everything. On an unrelated subject what are those?' I asked suspiciously, pointing at the boxes.

'Those,' She said as if she were talking to a brain dead chimpanzee 'are a selection of condoms and tampons.'

'What the fugu?' I asked wondering if I'd heard correctly.

'Condoms and tampons.' She said painfully slowly, over moving her mouth as if that would help.

'I know what they are but, why?' I asked completely giving up on attempting to perceive my mum's view of the universe. 'I understand the tampons, just in case and all that, but the condoms? I'm 11 and the closest I've had to a boyfriend is once sitting with a boy reading a book during a disco.'

'What do you mean?' She asked, genuinely confused 'Simon said condoms stopped you from getting pregnant, they works like corks do for nargles. And when did you meet a boy?'

'No, condoms are not charms for warding of teenage boys and I met the boy when you sent us to that muggle summer camp, so that Simon could be with his friends and Penny and I could 'use our accidental magic someplace it wouldn't cause trouble', we put earplugs in and read the book of FML with a torch.'

'What's FML? Is it a porn magazine? Are you looking at porn?' She shouted, working herself into a frenzy of paranoia.

'No, mother, FHM is porn, FML is F my life, and it's a book of bad things that have happened to muggles.' I explained, wishing she knew more about muggles 'And it's Simon you need to worry about, he's an almost-teenage boy.'

'Oh Merlin, you're right!' She exclaimed, terrified, running off, probably to search Simons room, so I went back to my room, got dressed in a woollen jumper and grey skinny jeans.

I flooed to my Nana's and we went to Diagon Ally.