Choking.
On dust, on blood, on tears, he can't be sure. But he knows he is.
Oh, he's in no real danger. He's perfectly fine in health terms, despite the smoking, though his breathing is a bit ragged as he runs through the streets.
It feels like his chest is constricting, though it isn't. He feels like he's eyes are burning out of his skull, through no tears are falling. It feels like he should collapse where he is and cry, but he can't, because he needs to find him. Find him, and confess all that he never did before.
He's probably already gone. He said that he would be, that he was leaving the apartment and never coming back. He said he would be gone by eleven, and it seemed so true, in the darkened room where smoke from their last cigarette break swirled around and coated their one computer's screen.
He remembers the tears that were shed and the neighbors that banged on the walls when they got too loud. He screamed back, then turned to see him throwing clothes into a bag, telling him to get out and only come back when he was gone.
He slams open the door to the apartments, not bothering to apologize to the startled desk clerk. Sprinting towards the elevators, he yank his key out of his pocket and stabs the button, hearing something crack in his finger.
The small, auburn-haired man is there when he bursts in the door, and looks up.
"I can't-" the man starts, but is cut off as his brothers arms circle around him.
"Fratello," Lovino sobs. "Tivogliobene. Forgive me, I have been mistaken..."
"Why, Lovino?" Feliciano whispers. "Why did you say those things to me? I could never love any man but Ludwig, so you drove him away with tales of cheating."
Lovino still weeps, holding his brother to his chest. "You're still so young, naive...What if he hurt you? We are Italy, are we not? We are always together, us."
"Si, fratello,but I need to love others as well."
"I am not ready..."
"You know you love Antonio, but why do you insist on living with me in this smoky apartment, where we both are miserable? I will always love you. We must love others as well..."
Lovino cries, his heart torn into pieces by the truth his brother speaks. "I am so sorry...forgive me..."
Feliciano squeezes his eyes shut, a tear escaping from the corner of his eye. "Si. We will always be together, as one Italy. But in our hearts. We must learn to live without the physical company of the other."
An hour later, the apartment is sold, and Lovino stands on the sidewalk, a lighter raised to the cigarette pursed in his lips. Feliciano comes to stand beside him and holds out his hands, asking for a drag. Lovino grimaces, but hands over the cigarette anyway.
"Grazie," the Italian says, blowing a wispy cloud into the air. "Have you called Antonio?"
"Yes," Lovino says. "He'll be here in a minute." He points to the bags scattered around their feet. "Are you sure about this?"
Feliciano nods. "You may not know it now, Lovino, but this is what you truly want and need."
An car pulls up in front of the building, and the window rolls down to reveal Ludwig. He nods to Lovino, and steps out of the car. "Thank you," he says to the darker haired Italian. "For taking back those hurtful words."
"Your welcome," Lovino says gruffly, and raises an eyebrow at the hand the German extends to him. He takes it anyway, and shakes it once, releasing it with a faint air of disgust.
Ludwig turns to Feliciano and takes his hands. "I am sorry I doubted you, meineLiebe," he says. "I should have known you would never commit the acts you brother spoke of." Lovino scoffs. Ludwig's thick accent disturbs the tears in his voice.
Feliciano smiles. "Tiamo, Ludwig," he says, circling his arms around the larger man's waist.
Ludwig sighs, holding a hand to the back of Feliciano's head. "I've missed this...missed you."
"I as well," the Italian says. He looks to Lovino. "We will see each other soon, brother. If the need shall arise, you may call me whenever."
"But why not now?" Lovino protests. "This separation, this will not make the North and South happy."
"All countries have hard times," Feliciano says, "and only the strongest can go through it. Our military may not be the best-" Ludwig coughs, causing Lovino to glare. "but our culture is alive and thriving."
Lovino looks away. "It is never to soon for me to call upon you, brother."
Again, the tears come, and Ludwig looks startled at seeing this normally gruff man burst into tears. Feliciano runs to embrace his brother, slamming into him and gripping him tightly, fingernails digging into the larger man's jacket. They stand there for a long time while Ludwig stacks Feliciano's bags in the trunk.
When Lovino feels as if he can cry no more, he sniffs and steps away. "Thank you, Feli."
"Your welcome," Feliciano smiles. "Goodbye for now, Lovino." He climbs into the car as Ludwig honks the horn. Lovino stares after the car as it pulls away.
"Fratello...I miss you already."
In the next moment, a bright red car pulls up to the curb, and Antonio jumps out. He strides to the Italian and wraps him in his arms.
"Thank you," Antonio says, breathing in the dark, musky scent of Lovino's hair.
"For what?" Lovino asks, pulling back to view his lover's face.
Antonio smiles. "For letting me love you, amorcompañero."
"I didn't need to let you," Lovino says. "You would've had my heart whether or not I wanted to give it to you."
"You speak the truth," Antonio laughs. "But I would give up the world to conquest your heart, one that is so heavily guarded. My only purpose in this life is to die knowing that you love me."
"You have fulfilled your purpose," Lovino says, "but you have another."
"And what would that be?"
"To make me happy," Lovino says, tilting his he'd upwards to nuzzle his nose against Antonio's.
"Si," the Spaniard replies. "Tequiero, Lovino."
"Tiamo, Antonio. But..."
"What is it?"
"I think...I think this is the day I am truly happy."
AN: So there it is! This is my first family fic, since I usually write romance...but the Vargas brothers are too epic to NOT write about. Reviews are love!
(Italian)Fratello:brother
Tivogliobene: I love you, to a sibling or family member
Grazie: Thank you
Tiamo: I love you, to a partner or lover
(German) meineLeibe: my love
(Spanish) amorcompañero: soul mate
Tequiero: I love you