For Better or Worse
"Dammit," Kate snaps as she kicks the oven door closed. She turns and tosses the tray of burnt bread into the sink. "Dammit. Dammit, dammit."
She just can't do anything right today. Her finger is still sore from where she burned it trying to curl her hair, before ultimately giving up completely and tying it back, wasting thirty-five minutes of her morning. She also knows for a fact that she owes both Ryan and Espo an apology. She lost count of the number of times she snapped at them, causing both men to go out of their way to avoid her by the end of the day.
And Castle. He took the brunt of most it, whatever it is. Hormones, exhaustion, a combination of both, she isn't sure. But whatever it is has put her in a shitty mood for most of the week, culminating in the explosion that was today.
So in an attempt to at least make it up to him she invited him over for dinner. Thought she could smooth it over with a home cooked meal.
But she forgot to set the timer, burned the bread. Kate lets out a frustrated groan. Leaning forward she places her elbows on the counter, is about two seconds away from giving up altogether and going to bed. Screw making it up to him. She'll try again tomorrow.
She hears Castle make his way into the room; the amount of noise she had been making must have grabbed his attention.
"Kate?"
"Ya, I'm sorry about the noise, I was trying-"
"I love you," Castle blurts out.
Kate stands dumbstruck. "What?"
"You heard me, I love you."
She shakes her head, attempts to understand. And because she's must be a horrible person she questions him.
"Why?"
"Why, what? Why do I love you?"
"No. Why did you just say it now? Out of all the times you could have told me you love me again, why are you doing it now?"
She knows their 'I love yous' have been far and few between. Castle's often in what feels like moments of panic, and her own, only said once, whispered in his ear when she was only half positive he was even awake. So yes, they could stand to say it more.
But she honestly doesn't get it. Doesn't understand why he is saying it now, after the week they have had.
He answers her. "Because it's hard."
Now she is really confused.
"What? It's hard to say I love you?"
"No. That is not what I mean." Castle sighs, feeling frustrated with himself.
"I mean that I need to say it when it isn't easy. I need you to know that I love you when it's hard. I don't think—I think maybe I didn't do that before, with others. Maybe I only loved them, only said that I loved them when it was easy, when it was obvious. Maybe that it is why it didn't last."
"Kate, I love you all the time, I am never not in love with you, but I feel like if I say it when it is obvious, when everything is going smoothly, when we are naked and in each other's arms, that it's cheating. I mean I love you then, always, but you have to know that I love you when it is difficult, when you are lying on the ground bleeding out, when you are stubborn and pigheaded and willing to risk your life for a battle you can't win on your own. When you are mad and angry and yell at me all week for no reason. I love you then too. I love you when I don't feel like saying it, but I will, I will say it, because you need to know, you need to know no matter what I love you."
Castle stops suddenly and sucks in a breath. He realizes his monologue has dragged on and he hasn't heard anything from Kate.
She stands stock still in her kitchen, tears in her eyes. Kate takes in a shaky breath, realizes idly that the pasta has been boiling for way too long on the stove. Fully processing what she just heard, Kate walks around the center island and makes her way over to Castle. Reaching him, she wraps her arms around his middle, Castle tugs her in close.
Mumbling into his chest, "I tried to make you dinner, but I burnt the bread and I am pretty sure the pasta is completely water logged by now."
Castle laughs, "And yes, I still love you even if you ruin one of the easiest dinners to make."
Kate takes a step back and punches him in the chest.
"Hey! That hurt."
"Don't be mean then."
Kate smiles and feels happy for the first time in days. She steps back into him, places a soft kiss to his jaw.
"Why don't you order a pizza and I'll go take a quick shower."
Kate starts for the bedroom, stops and turns back to him half way there.
"Castle."
"Yes, Kate?"
"I love you too."
"When it is easy and when it is difficult. When it is fun and not so much fun. When it is happy and when it is sad. When we are partners and when we are lovers. When it is sexy and not so sexy. When we fight and when get along. When we are awake and when we are asleep. That is when I love you, Castle."
She watches his entire face light up with her words. Her heart flips at the smile he just can't contain.
Okay, so maybe she did do something right today.
Thanks so much for reading!