Kaito's Stereotypical Faerie Tale Adventure
Written by Katsushiga Hoshibi
Running a hand through his blue hair, Kaito mumbled something incoherent about an ice cream freezer before he paused, taking in his surroundings. Much to his surprise, he noticed that nothing as it should be. Rather than his apartment in Tokyo, he was in some kind of rustic shack lit only by a few scattered candles on a large oaken table. Scratching the back of his head, Kaito nervously laughed.
"Right, this has to be some trick of the twins," he remarked. "Or maybe Meiko sold me into slavery to buy more sake. Ha! Yeah, right, she'd never do that." A single, large sweat drop slid down the side of Kaito's face. "Er. I'm sure that there are laws to prevent that sort of thing."
After adjusting his dark blue scarf, Kaito slowly made his way to the door. As he opened the door, a rush of cool night air slammed into him. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the moonlit night, Kaito gazed at the rustic forest environment that he found himself in.
Closing the door, Kaito took a moment to compose himself. Then he opened the door. Much to his displeasure, the same scene greeted him. Closing the door and opening it again didn't change what he saw. A few more repetitions revealed similar results. Sighing, Kaito started to resign himself to his fate.
Humming gently, an odd sound took the man by surprise as a glowing white light appeared in the middle of the shack. As the glow slowly faded, a very familiar blond haired girl stood before him dressed in her normal sailor fuku top and shorts. She tugged on her detached sleeves before adjusting the ribbon in her hair.
"Oh. It's you," Kaito said apprehensively. Rin Kagamine had a habit of playing mean pranks on him, and he wasn't looking forward to whatever she had planned for him.
Smiling, Rin did a short curtsey. "Hi, Kaito! I'm your faerie godmother!" She remained in her curtsey for a full minute as he stared blankly at her.
"Can I go home now?"
Rin pulled a giant paper fan out of a subspace to smack Kaito hard in the head with, echoing the impact around the room. The puchin mark on her head swiveled slightly as she glared at him. He ran a hand over his head where she had assaulted him.
"So. I'm your faerie godmother and I'm going to help you find a princess of your very own!"
Kaito opened his mouth before closing it again. It stood to reason that if he fought against whatever silliness had taken ahold of her this time that he'd just end up suffering more abuse. Sighing, Kaito resigned himself to his fate, thinking it best to just take it with a smile on his face.
"Okay, so what do I have to do?" Inwardly, a twist in his gut made him want to run the other way, crashing out a window and into the night beyond.
"First, you have to venture deep within the Forest of Death," Rin cheerfully announced.
"Quite the name," Kaito remarked.
"Then you have to fight the ancient red dragon!"
Silence.
"Can I go home now?"
Kaito recieved his answer in the form of several blows of the paper fan. Rubbing his head, he groaned at his treatment at Rin's hands, yet again. Someday, somehow, he hoped to be free of this sort of abuse. Unfortunately, those dreams of freedom and all-you-can-eat ice cream bars were far off.
Clearing her throat, Rin started again. "After you defeat the ancient red dragon, then you can marry the lovely princess!"
"Y-yeah, that sounds just fine."
Rin opened the door and gestured for him to exit. Reluctantly, he stepped outside into the night, staring up at the full moon. Its silverly glow would at least give some illumination on this foolish errand of his. As he continued to stare at the Heavenly sphere, it tickled the back of his mind to wonder what Rin had planned for him.
"Just head down the path to the left and you'll get to the heart of the Forest of Death," Rin informed him.
Peering down the road to the right, Kaito couldn't help but wonder if that way led back to Tokyo. Given by the twitch in Rin's eye brow and the raised paper fan, he was feeling fairly sure that he was right. However, that didn't keep him from jetting off down the left path to escape her wrath.
Five minutes of running, later, Kaito leaned against a tree to catch his breath. What would've been nice right then would be a large tub of Hagendaazs, but he knew he couldn't find it anywhere out this deep in the forest. Sighing to himself, he stared at the ground before looking back up.
Leaping back a good few feet, Kaito yelled in surprise at the purple haired man in a wolf suit. The man hadn't been there a minute again, and clearly started Kaito. He started to settle a moment before pointing at the man with a sudden rush of fear.
"W-werewolf!"
Looking around, Gakupo pointed off in the distance. "There wolf," he commented as a howl in the forest answered his comment.
Silence rushed by with a swirl of the night's wind. Kaito couldn't help but blink in disbelief at Gakupo and the poor joke.
"So did Rin get to you, too?"
Gakupo blinked in misunderstanding. "What are you talking about?"
"Did Rin rope you into being a furry?"
"Who's Rin?" Gakupo tilted his head, not understanding the stranger in the forest.
Kaito peered around Gakupo, wondering if he'd seen Rin hiding with a large paper fan, waiting to strike either of them. It suddenly dawned upon him that Rin might have threatened Gakupo to act in character. With a surge of emotion, Kaito placed his hand on the purple haired wolf's shoulder.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Kaito confided. "We have to suffer through this together!"
Sliding down the side of his head, a giant bead of sweat showcased Gakupo's discomfort. "I don't swing that way."
"Come on, we have to get through this troublesome task no matter what," Kaito announced, trying to drag Gakupo with him.
"H-hey, let go of me!"
Swinging the not-so-big and not-so-bad wolf over his shoulder, Kaito cheerfully skipped off into the forest to hopefully get through with his task so he could just get home to enjoy an ice cream sundae. His mind reeled over what toppings he would use, as long as he was done with whatever silliness Rin had in store for him. Given that he ran into Gakupo in a wolf costume, it couldn't be anything that bad.
Coming to a screeching halt, the corner of Kaito's mouth twitched as he saw what was waiting for him. In front of a small cavern, Meiko was wearing a cheesy dragon costume while guzzling down sake. If Rin wasn't bad enough, Kaito was sure he'd get a sound thrashing from Meiko.
"So I guess that you're the dragon," Kaito nervously commented. "W-well, I guess there isn't much to do other than just go home..."
Kaito didn't get more than two feet before being hit with a familiar paper fan. Wincing, he dropped Gakupo, who had he still been carrying. Looking up, he saw an annoyed Rin staring at him. Nervously smiling, he turned around.
"Well, guess I don't have much other choice then to take on the dragon," Kaito calmly commented.
Looking over Gakupo, Kaito remembered that the wacky samurai typically had a sword on his person at all times. Calmly reaching over, Kaito did the only sensible thing possible: grabbing Gakupo and launching him at Meiko's head. The impact knocked both of them out cold.
Kaito flashed Rin a quick V sign before dashing into the cavern, laughing in victory as the girl watched him speed off. Stepping around various sake bottles, Kaito finally came to the prize that Rin had promised him. Miku was tied to a pole in the cave surrounded by a scattering of beer cans, oddly clad in her normal blouse and miniskirt with her turquoise hair done up in two long pigtails.
Making quick work of the ropes, Kaito freed an ecstatic Miku. Hopping up and down, she hugged him close. More pleasurable than a new Ben and Jerry's flavor (well, perhaps not more, but coming somewhat close for Kaito), it seemed that everything had worked out for the best.
"Thank you for rescuing me, but your princess is in another castle," Miku gleefully commented.
Kaito froze. "What?"
Then the cavern went dark.
"Hey, he's coming to," Rin's voice called out from the shadows, echoing eerily.
Feeling shaken, Kaito slowly opened up his eyes to see Rin and Miku standing over him. Slowly coming to, he held onto his head that was splitting with pain. His eyes went the floor, seeing the broken ice cube tray and scattered ice cubes all over the floor.
"You hit your head when you fell," Miku said as she knelt next to him, helping Kaito to sit up. "The ice must have fallen out of the freezer when you opened it up."
Looking around, Kaito slowly picked up the quart of ice cream that he had attempted to get before his unfortunate accident. Rin and Miku sighed as they shook their heads at him. Kaito had ended up with a different type of princess at the end of a strange trip, one that would satisfy his true needs.