So I started writing this months and months ago, before getting writer's block at one part, and leaving it for a bit. Then after the beauty of season 4 which has officially given us Jay and Erin living together (although we don't actually SEE it, but whatever), and the deleted scene that I endlessly squealed over, my muse woke up and demanded that I finish this. And after that, it still took a couple of months to actually do that, due to being busy at work and not having as much motivation to watch the show. At some point, it turned into a 5000 word collection of drabbles! Fortunately season 4 has given me a few extra ideas! While I've kept a couple of scenes, they have been changed slightly to fit this story. The rest of it is just my imagination. Also, there's just one line about Erin's father, which I wrote way before that storyline showed up, so don't get confused over that. I hope you guys enjoy this. It's a hard contest between the things I write, but this one is quite possibly my favourite for Linstead. Reviews mean a lot to me, so if you have the time to leave one, I would really appreciate it!
Jay Halstead loves his job. He loves the challenge, his unit, and the knowledge of knowing that he's keeping his city safe. His work gives him a purpose and makes him happy, yet, for the first time he's in love with his life off of the job even more. Never before has he craved so much personal time, but Erin Lindsay sure has made him re-evaluate some areas of his life.
He's always been an early riser, a habit forced upon him through his military days. He's always preferred to rise with the sun and start his day while most people are still asleep. But these days, he finds he'd rather spend his morning in bed, watching Erin sleep.
She is the complete opposite, and hates waking any earlier than she has to. When his body clock rouses him from sleep, he rolls onto his side and stares upon her face, noticing how relaxed she is in slumber, away from the harsh realities of the world and their jobs. It's in these moments that he realises all over again that he will do anything to protect her, and then thanks whatever force brought her into his life.
If it's a workday, she will get up when the alarm goes off, but if it's a day off, such as today, she'll sleep for as long as she wants. Jay doesn't dare wake her. He did that early in their relationship and he still winces when he thinks about the bruise she put on his arm.
She wakes slowly; her eyelids fluttering before her eyes focus on him and a sweet smile stretches across her lips. She whispers a good morning to him, and he presses a soft kiss to her forehead in response. They lie together in silence for a while, brushes of hands and caresses of their lips filling the time.
When they finally emerge from beneath the covers, they make their way to the kitchen, where Jay cooks breakfast for them both (Erin is still terrifying in a kitchen). They sit together at her table and laugh over their coffee, joking with each other as they always do. They eventually move to the couch, where they tangle their bodies together and nap into the afternoon. Erin usually wakes before Jay this time, and snuggles into his side, laughing at herself internally. She's never been a big PDA person, yet when they're not on the district's time they never find themselves too far from each other. She's still surprised by the new side of herself that Jay's brought out in her, but even more surprised by how much she likes it. She kisses his jawline gently, before settling herself back against his chest and letting herself relax. They might not get much done with their days off, but they've become her favourite day of the week. Any day she gets to spend with Jay is a good one.
/
Erin certainly isn't a morning person, but she does manage to drag herself out of bed occasionally for an early morning run before work. Since she began dating Jay that occasionally has become a lot more frequent.
As usual, he'll be awake just before the alarm, and watch in amusement at her reaction to the beeping sound of her wakeup call. She scowls and buries herself further under the comforter to try and escape the noise.
He laughs and peels the sheets away from her face. Some days he bribes her with the promise of specially made coffee from a place near work, or what he can do to her when they get home later that night. Some days he just annoys her until she gets out of bed willingly, relishing his victory inwardly.
Once they pull on workout clothes, they make their way downstairs and onto the chilly streets of Chicago. Erin always complains about the cold as they jog to warm up, but her competiveness takes over mid way through their usual route, pushing her to move faster than Jay for the remainder of their run.
Erin will never admit that starting her day on a run with him gives her a strange sense of accomplishment, and helps her prepare to tackle their day at work. She does love the extra time they get to spend together before they shift their relationship to its professional aspect, which begins as soon as they enter the building.
/
Coming home after a hard case is never easy. Erin and Jay trudge up the stairs to her apartment slowly, their bodies aching from too many long days in a row, and too little sleep. Neither of them speak, still haunted by the details of their case involving a young child and his mother.
Erin unlocks the door silently and they slide into the apartment. She heads straight for the bathroom, while he flops to the couch, staring aimlessly at the wall. He hears the shower running and knows that she's taking her time to decompress while he does the same.
Fifteen minutes later she makes her way to his side, her hair damp and her eyes rimmed with red. He looks up at her and opens an arm in an invitation. She falls into his side, tucking her face into his neck, her hand clutching at his chest.
"I love you." His words ghost over her hair. It's always hard to remain professional at work when the case tears them up inside, and all they want to do is seek comfort from each other. That's why he's always glad when they can come home and do so.
"I love you too." Her voice is muffled, still pressed against his shirt, but he can hear the sincerity in her tone.
Sometimes after a case like this, they don't even make it to bed. They stay cuddled together on her couch, only moving for Jay to change his clothes or for Erin to make them mugs of hot chocolate. Eventually they put a mindless movie on to fill the silence and lie together on the couch, which causes them to press up against each other.
Lying against Jay's chest in silence, Erin thinks about how much better it feels to depend on him for comfort, rather than the other measures she's used in the past.
She turns her head to kiss his chest, right over his heart. She doesn't voice her thoughts, but she's sure he understands what she means when his hand brushes against her forehead in response.
/
There are some nights where they don't sleep, because their pasts keep them awake. It's these nights where they learn the most about each other, how to help each other through the pain.
Erin tells him about her childhood in the stillness of her darkened bedroom. She tells him about her mother almost overdosing when she was so young, her father being arrested and taken away forever, and how all she felt was relief. She tells him how she used to steal food so there would be something to eat, and scored for her mother time and time again, even though she desperately wanted to stop. She recalls the older guys who turned her into a substance user herself, feels his arms tighten around her with what she knows is anger towards those boys, and protectiveness towards her. She explains the whole story of Hank saving her, and how she came to live with the Voights. She tells him all about Camille, how it felt to have a real mother for the first time in her life. She's never opened up to anyone like this before, but once she's over the initial vulnerability, she's glad he knows every part of her.
"I wish I'd known you back then." He says into the darkness. "I would have done something."
She stops herself from laughing out loud at his saviour complex.
"I'm glad you didn't." She says simply. "I was a mess. Not that I'm still not."
Jay pulls her tighter against her. "You aren't. You're the strongest person I know, Erin."
She doesn't say anything, just kisses his jaw and snuggles against him more. She finds it amusing that he thinks that, when she thinks the same thing about him.
She still dreams of Nadia sometimes; waking up to Jay's soothing voice and tears on her cheeks. The pain doesn't sting any less than it used to, but at least now she can roll into his arms, rather than lie awake alone like she used to.
Some nights it's his PTSD dreams that wake them, striking fear into both of their chests. Jay's fears stem from his nightmares that feel so real, while Erin worries about how to help him and what to do.
She learns the difference between his cries of discomfort and anguish, learns when to wake him and when to simply pull him closer, hoping her touch will soothe him enough. She knows not to push him to talk about it until much later that day, after he's had a chance to think everything through.
She learns what military cases do to him, knows when to step back and let him handle it, and when to step forward to take the weight off of him. She holds him so that she can take his pain for a while, and let him rest.
/
He catches her by surprise when he asks her to move in with him. She's still reeling from Justin's death, and Hank's actions afterwards, and then he asks her what is probably the most important thing in her life so far. She's so stunned that she doesn't respond, and he knows her well enough to understand that she needs time to think.
And think about it, she does. She looks at the listings he sends her, and thinks about what it would be like to live together, what it would mean for them.
What scares her the most is the fact that it doesn't scare her. She loves him, and she's told him so, but they're not the kind of couple that says it constantly. Despite how she feels about him, she hadn't considered their living together, even after all that time he spent talking about a new place to live. But now that she's thinking about it, it actually doesn't freak her out.
It's after Voight comes to see her that she makes her decision. She'll always owe Hank for saving her, and she'll always love her father figure, but she realises that she has to make her decisions for her, and Jay is the best decision she has ever made.
When she finally tells him that she wants him to move into her place, he's thrilled, and starts measuring the rooms immediately. She can't help but grin at his enthusiasm, because it's definitely cute.
/
Erin is honestly surprised by how much she loves living with Jay. She's never lived with a guy before, since she's not counting Hank or Justin in that, and it surprises her just how comfortable she is. She'd always expected living with someone else after being on her own her entire adult life would feel very oppressive. She'd expected having someone in her space all the time, especially since they work together, to become irritating. But it hasn't. Nothing about their relationship has changed, except for his address.
She loves waking up in the morning to find Jay propped up on his elbow, watching her with a soft smile. Sure, he used to do that anyway, when he stayed over, but now it's because he lives there. She loves that he makes them breakfast on their days off. He's considerate enough that he doesn't use all the hot water, although she usually convinces him that it's better to share anyway.
It's so strange to feel so happy that she almost second-guesses herself. That's when she asks him how he's feeling, and her heart lifts when he responds.
"Never been happier."
"Me too." She tells him, wanting to make sure he knows that she's not doubting them, or this. It's when he makes a comment about twenty years from now that she tilts her head, and her slight smirk turns into a full-blown grin. Jay Halstead wants a future with her. And she can't deny it any longer; she wants one with him.
/
Jay gets used to her mound of pillows very quickly, just as Erin gets used to not needing them. Over the space of a few months, the pillows begin to fall off the bed more and more, and it doesn't even bother her. One morning she wakes before Jay with only the two behind her head, and her legs draped over his. A quick glance confirms her suspicions that the four remaining pillows have ended up on the floor beside the bed. She chuckles to herself quietly and settles back down against Jay. He's a much better pillow anyway. After a few weeks, Jay realises he hasn't seen more than two of her pillows in quite awhile, but he wisely doesn't say anything.
/
Erin has surprised Jay many times in their relationship. She's a complex person, with a heavy past and walls built around her heart. But even after years of being partners, many months of being a couple, and weeks of living together, he's still learning things about her that surprise him in a pleasant way. High on that list is that Erin loves cuddling. She'd assured him that she did when she'd explained about her pillows (which have now been put back in the cupboard permanently), and he'd believed her, but it's every night after that conversation that has proved it to him.
She's not an affectionate person generally, and they have strict boundaries on touching in regards to their work lives, which he has always agreed with. Even before they lived together and he'd slept at her apartment constantly, she would cuddle with him before going to sleep, but eventually move back to her own side. Now that they live together, he wakes up with her body draped over his, more often than not. He's officially replaced her pillows, not that he'll ever bring it up. He's so used to her presence now that if he wakes during the night and she's too far away, he'll reach out and pull her back into his chest. Sometimes she wakes and presses a kiss to his chest before going back to sleep, sometimes she'll simply murmur and fall into him without even waking.
The first fight they have after moving in is something stupid, and definitely not something they'd normally argue over, but it's been a long week at the district and they're both tired. They're both stubborn people, and refuse to make up until they fall into bed and try to sleep, both on their respective sides of the bed and turned away from each other in frustration. It takes an hour for them to realise that they're not getting any sleep this way.
"You awake?" Erin's soft voice reaches his ears from the other side of the bed.
He sighs. "Yeah."
The mattress dips beneath him and the space between them is suddenly filled as Erin rolls to face him.
"I'm sorry." She says softly.
He reaches out his arm to pull her to him, as he does so often now.
"Me too." He whispers into her hair, dropping a kiss to her temple.
She snuggles her face into his chest, and falls asleep within minutes.
When they both wake in the morning, they agree to never go to bed angry again.
/
Their home life before they lived together consisted of lots of takeout, mostly due to their busy work schedules. Now that they live together, they decide that it's better to save a bit of extra money and make more meals at home. Erin becomes slightly better under Jay's guidance, who tends to show off in the kitchen. Not that she minds of course, because the food is always good, and it just gives her more ammunition for her house husband jokes, now that he's officially earned his title, as she likes to remind him. He still grumbles about it, but accepts his fate.
They take the extra money that they save on takeout to start regular date nights. Erin argues that just because they spend all day at work together and come home together, doesn't mean they can't have some excitement. Jay is secretly pleased that she makes the decision, since he loves it when Erin makes an effort to be romantic. He more than makes up for it though.
Erin's had a long day, which ended with a disagreement with Voight. It wasn't quite a fight, but it definitely included raised voices. It's probably a good thing that the rest of the unit had already left, but it meant she had to drive home alone, since she'd told Jay she'd meet him at home.
She pushes the front door shut with a deep sigh, toeing her boots off immediately, and bending down to straighten them up. She's learnt that it's easier to fix them herself, rather than watching Jay sigh when he sees them scattered across the floor. His military style neatness amuses her more than it annoys her.
She makes her way into the living area, her movements slow with weariness. Once she gets to the kitchen, her brain takes a second to realise that the lights have been dimmed. She blinks a few times before realising the little dining table has been set with plates and wine glasses, candles flickering away. Her mouth drops open as she stares at the romantic sight before her.
Jay grins when he enters the room, catching the look on Erin's face. That's exactly what he'd been going for.
"Hey, babe." He greets her softly with a kiss, helping rid her of her jacket.
"What's all this?" She asks in confusion.
"I know you had a hard day, so I wanted to help you relax." He shrugs.
She stares at him with that look he's come to see often, but will always love; a look of slight bewilderment with happiness.
"You're amazing." She smiles.
He grins back at her with that cocky smile of his. "I know."
/
Erin does not love Jay's incessant need to clean everything. It's not like her place was ever messy anyway, but she definitely preferred to spend her days off sleeping, or doing more exciting things than cleaning. Now that it's their place however, Jay takes the chance on their days off to make sure the kitchen and bathrooms are clean, and that the laundry is kept up to date.
"You're really living up to your house husband title here, babe." She quips one day as they're sitting on their bed, folding laundry.
"You'll thank me once you realise how great it is to not run out of underwear during a hard case week." He tells her, having officially accepted his title, and Erin's constant, but light hearted, jokes.
She's sure she drives him crazy at times when she leaves her makeup all over the bathroom counter, or their dinner plates on the coffee table, but he never complains … much.
/
Erin usually teases Jay about certain behaviours that she's deemed 'weird', but she didn't realise one of them would be watching her put on her makeup.
It starts off as normal. Jay is typically ready before her, and he sits on the closed toilet seat while he waits for her, watching her apply her makeup. After a few weeks she realises it's become a habit, where he sits and joins her, sometimes chatting and sometimes just watching.
"Do you realise how much time you spend watching me do my makeup?" She asks one day.
Jay shrugs. "Not really."
"Doesn't it get boring? I do the same thing nearly every day." She asks, genuinely curious.
"No, not really. It's kind of soothing to watch."
She laughs out loud. "You're so weird."
"Hmm, maybe. As much as I enjoy watching, you know you don't need any of that stuff, right?" He asks, coming to stand behind her, letting his chin rest on her shoulder.
Erin snorts derisively and Jay laughs in response.
"I'm serious, babe. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
He takes pride in the slight pink that colours her cheeks, letting his grin be seen.
"Shut up, Halstead." She murmurs. She clears her throat slightly and focuses back on the task at hand. "I like wearing it."
"That's cool. Just saying." He holds his hands up in defence, making his way back to his seat on the edge of the toilet.
She mock glares at him, before returning her gaze to the mirror. As she keeps going, she realises that she wouldn't give up these random little moments for anything.
/
Erin realises just how good it is to live with someone who cares so much about her when she injures herself on the job. She's at a crime scene with the unit when their suspect darts out from nowhere and knocks her over in their haste to escape. She doesn't even have a chance to catch herself on the icy path, or for anyone to grab her before she falls. She hits the pavement hard and knocks her head against the concrete, noticing the blood when she tries to get up. Jay's at her side in an instant, telling her to lie still while he frantically checks her over.
"Jay." She whispers, her head pounding and eyesight swirling. "My head hurts."
"I know, babe. You're okay. Just keep your eyes open for me, keep looking at me." She can hear the concern in his voice, but even in her disoriented state she can tell he's trying to hide it from her, but failing.
She hears more voices, knows it's the boys, and hears Antonio calling an ambulance.
"Come on, babe, squeeze my hand for me." Jay's hand grips hers, while his free one brushes over her forehead. She tries her hardest to stay alert while they wait for the ambulance, and as she's loaded onto a stretcher.
Hours later, she's been released from hospital and has given up fighting with Jay as he carries her up the stairs to their apartment.
"I'm fine." She murmurs against his neck where her head rests.
"Sure. A moderate concussion is the same thing as fine." Jay counter argues.
He carries her straight to their room, settling her on the bed and pulling off her boots and socks. He helps her change into sweatpants and a sweatshirt before heading into the kitchen to grab her some water and the painkillers that Will gave him.
When he returns to the bedroom he finds her slumped on her side, watching him with a strange expression as he makes his way towards her.
"You okay?" He asks worriedly as he situates himself beside her on the bed.
She look up at him, the same expression that he's sure he's never seen before covering her face.
"Yeah, I just …" She trails off, unable to finish.
He instantly grows even more concerned, wondering if the concussion has affected her more than Will determined.
"Erin?" His hand rises to cup her face.
She smiles and becomes alert again. "Sorry, I've just never had anyone take care of me the way you do. It's kinda nice."
Relief floods his chest and he smiles back at her, leaning forward to softly press his lips to hers.
"Get used to it, babe."
/
She doesn't mean to find it. She's busy putting away laundry, and when she opens Jay's drawer to shove some socks in, her hand hits something hard and very un-sock-like. Her brow furrows in confusion, and she ventures in further to grab the item and pull it out, holding it up to see.
A ring box.
Her breath catches in her throat as she stares at the small item in her hand, not daring to open it.
"Erin?" Jay's voice calls to her from the other room.
Her mouth opens but no sound comes out, knowing he'll come find her if she doesn't answer.
"Babe?" His voice gets closer as he makes his way into their room. He stops suddenly as he finds her standing in the middle of the room, staring at the ring box that he clearly hasn't hidden very well.
"Uh," he stammers, making his way over to her. "This wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was going to do it after dinner tonight, but I guess that's kind of …"
Erin's eyes lift to him, and he can see the questions in them.
"Look, I can put it somewhere else if you want, and we can forget about it?" He asks hesitantly, not sure where to go and unable to decipher the look in her eyes.
She silently hands the box to him, and his heart sinks all the way to his stomach.
"Ask me."
His mouth is the one that drops open this time. "What?"
A smile graces her lips and suddenly he sees the Erin Lindsay he met back on his first day in Intelligence.
"Come on, Halstead. Show me what you've got."
He smiles and his nerves suddenly disappear as he sinks to one knee, keeping his face tilted up and his eyes on her.
"Erin, from the moment that I met you, I knew you were special, someone I had to get to know better. And the more that I did, the more I realised I was right from the start. You are the strongest, most amazing person I've ever met. You're stubborn, kind, and impossible at times," he smiles as she laughs, tears welling in her eyes.
"But I can't imagine my life without you." He continues. "The world hasn't always dealt you the best hand, but I promise I will spend the rest of my life making you happy."
He opens the box to reveal a simple stone ring that glitters just the right amount, understated but elegant.
"Erin Lindsay, will you marry me?"
She nods frantically a few times, before finding her voice. "Yes. Yes, Jay."
He launches himself back to a standing position, hands cupping her face and his lips pressing against hers. They pull back to rest their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily and big smiles covering their faces. Jay can feel the tears on Erin's cheek, and realises his own are the same.
"Here." He says, pulling back, taking the ring from its case and sliding it on her finger.
"Wow." She whispers. "It's beautiful, Jay."
"Yeah." He smiles, looking at her.
She beams back at him, and he's reminded for the millionth time that he's the luckiest guy in the world. He doesn't mind that she found it early, or that he proposed in the middle of their bedroom. It makes sense that he would do it here, in amongst the life they have created together.
"I love you." He tells her, knowing he's never spoken truer words in his life.
She gives him the look he's become accustomed to seeing, but will never tire of. The look that shows him just how much she cares. "I love you, too, Jay."
He pulls her back into his arms, pressing his lips against hers once more. This is it, the rest of their forever.