The Shortest Panfic Eva or Hitting on Payne
Wakka was with his beachball gang, blitzball clutched between his elbow and his ribs. He tilted his head towards Payne, who was breastfeeding Lulu's baby.
He caught her eye just as she looked up, and grinned. Then paled as she dropped the baby onto the sandy ground and stalked towards the group, which scattered, sensing a thunderstorm.
She slapped him twice once she was close enough to be.. well.. slapping distance – once with her palm, the other a backhand. "You are thinking about making me preggeres, just like you did to LuLu aren't you? Perverted Sucker!"
As Wakka rubbed his swollen reddened face in shock, too stunted to protest, she raised a foot and brought it down squarely onto his left foot, grinding left and right several times for good measure.
Her opulent black high-heels went right though the paper-quality skin of Wakka's tanned foot and as she withdrew a starburst of lumiscence momentarily blinded the few onlookers (read witnesses) there were. This was a bloodless affair as they were CG characters.
As the light faded, a ghasty, gaping hole was left behind. Wakka nearly cried at the suddenness of it all.
Just as suddenly as the injury was inflicted, Wakka transformed into Rikku, healing the would and puking all over Payne's heels, hugging Yunie tightly. She pulled down her eyelid at Payne and Yunie spoke up.
"You're just jealous cos you didn't go around with me and Riks collecting Al Bhed books so you cant speak our private tongue and cant understand why we giggle so much…"
"Yeah!" Rikku stuck a thumb in her ear and waggled her fingers. "So quit while you're ahead!" They chimed together, miming a poledance on a microphone stand (wtf).
Payne then blinked and started to cry and everyone sorried and she shrugged and changed her clothes from black mage to white mage then confusedly to singer and Yun and Rik nodded and they all came together for a group hug, where Yunie and Rikku were squeezed by Paine viciously.
The night was young...
The End?