I'm so sorry.

Those 3 words have been permanently etched into my brain due to countless times I've said it in my head.

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I looked up and studied the headstone of Hermione Granger for what felt like the millionth time.

'Here lies Hermione Je-'

I can't. Not again. She can't be gone. She can't. She can't. It's not possible. No. She deserved much more than this. She deserved so much more. She deserves the happy life she never got to fully experience. She gave up her childhood to bring down Voldemort and she just dies in the process.

There's no one for me here anymore…

I punched half-heartedly the soft, damp ground. It just rained a few hours ago, I think. I wouldn't know, though. All I know is that she's dead and that I'm alive and I know that's not okay.

I love you, Hermione Jean Granger. I love you, I love you, I love you, but you'll never know and you'll never love me back because you're gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't handle not knowing you're out there somewhere and I can't handle not teasing you and I can't the truth because it's one of the ugliest things I've ever heard. I just can't, I can't, I can't. It killed me, every single day, during the horcrux hunt, knowing that you're risking your neck out there and I can't help you at all. It killed me hearing no news from you and it killed me knowing you're out there, and not with me.

I have sunk into nothingness, Hermione Jean Granger, because you are not here, sitting where I am, looking at the grave that's supposed to be mine.

It's supposed to be my grave, not yours. My headstone, not yours. My dead, decaying body, and not yours. Never in a million years would I have let you save me at the cost of your own life. Never would I have ever let you get cursed into oblivion by a Death Eater just because you helped me defeat another one. But I just stood there, chilled to the bone, because even though I knew that at one point or another you experienced pain, it doesn't soften the blow that was seeing you in agony.

But that's all gone now. You're gone now, and I'm halfway there. Meet me, will you?