Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, or this song.
AN: I was sitting in front of my computer, and this story just begged to be written. It's another songfic, and this time it's to Gordon Lightfoot's "I'm not Supposed to Care". I thought that the song could really fit Draco and Ginny, if it was written right. I hope I wrote it right, it is after midnight, and my brain's a little fuzzy.
I'm Not Supposed to Care.
I think you had somebody waiting outside in the rain
To take you away
You got places to go, you got people to see
still I'm gonna miss you
but anyway
Draco Malfoy looked down at the small girl curled up next to him. She should have left a long time ago, and that was what puzzled him. On a normal night, she would have turned up on his doorstep, followed him to his bed, and would have been gone by morning.
That was the way it worked. He'd asked her once how she got home at night, and she replied that she had informed Harry Potter that she worked late on these nights, and had him pick her up in front of that office building. He only vaguely knew what she did for a living anyway. It mystified him that she would come to him in the nights, then go home to her 'proper' boyfriend. Whenever he saw her during the day, she was entirely different.
Like someone putting on an act. She worked as a correspondent with the Witch Weekly Newspaper, and so she was forever rushing off to interviews in exciting places. Even when cavorting with Potter, she seemed to be falsely cheerful. The only time she cut the act was when she stepped inside his apartment. He knew that he would never understand why she did what she did. But he did miss her when she went away.
I wish you good spaces in the far away places you go
if it rains or it snows, may you be safe and warm.
And never grow old.
And if you need somebody sometime
you know I will always be there
I'll do it although,
I'm not supposed to care
He always told her, before they fell asleep that he hoped that her next interview went well, that he hoped she didn't get caught in a storm, and that she didn't stress herself out. She always seemed to feel better about her life after he said that. Thinking about it now, in the early morning light, he wondered exactly how she'd managed to come to him all this time, when he was the one person who wasn't supposed to care what happened to a Weasley.
I'll give you the keys to my flying machine if you like
I will show you the light, and when you call,
I'm gonna come to you
And when you find someone who loves you
I'll know you would treat me the same
Just lie there, you're not supposed to care
Once, she'd come on a Saturday, because she was bored, she said. They'd spent the whole day talking about everything and nothing. Like normal people would. Like friends would. It wasn't until late that night that she'd said anything remotely serious. But what she had said was so serious that had he been any other person he would have been scared.
***
"One of these days I'm going to have to choose, you know."
"Choose between what?"
"Well, between a lot of things, I guess. But, I think it all comes down to choosing between life, or death."
***
He'd stared at her for a moment, calculating what she had said. She didn't look to be suicidal in the physical sense. It was possible that she was talking in the spiritual or mental sense. But there wasn't a whole lot he could say to her that would make her not do anything rash, because she was the type of person, acting or not, that went ahead and did things without listening to opinions. He remembered what he'd said that day, but he really didn't know why.
***
"Personally, I would choose life. But only if it offers something that death cannot give you."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, people choose death, because it ends everything and has the allure of something new about to begin. Whereas, in their lives everything is perpetually the same."
***
She was still here, so perhaps she had listened to him. But, again it was possible that Potter had started taking notice of how his girlfriend was really feeling and doing something about it. She would still treat him the same way outside of these walls with or without Potter. She wasn't supposed to care what Malfoy's felt. Not according to society anyway.
I think you had somebody waiting outside in the rain
To take you away
That's some kind of game
still I'm glad it came down to the final round.
but anyway
If you think you need someone who needs you
You know I will always be there
I'll do it although,
I'm not supposed to care
She was waking up now. He could tell by the hitch in her breathing. He was looking right at her when she opened her eyes, and he felt himself smile back at her when she smiled sleepily up at him.
"Did you forget to call Potter last night?"
"No. I called him before I left the office."
"Then why are you still here? He would have been waiting for you over at your building."
"So? He deserves it."
"And he didn't before?"
"Of course he did, but I was still clinging to old and forgotten dreams. He doesn't need me, Draco. I don't think he even really wants me anymore. He never listened to me, and he never saw me. You did. And you need me."
"I need you? I thought it was the other way around."
"What would you do with your nights if I wasn't here to share them with?"
He thought hard about this. She'd been playing a game with her life the whole time. A game to try and discover who she should be, who she needed (and wanted) more.
"To tell the truth, I'd probably stare at the telly a lot."
"Well, there you go." There was a long pause, and then she giggled.
"What's so funny?" He asked.
"Can you imagine? Poor old Harry, waiting outside in the rain all night with his broom? I'm willing to be that he did wait. After all, when he says he'll do something, he does it." Draco couldn't help it, the thought was incredibly funny. Then she sobered again.
"The trouble was, he never said enough....Do you remember that Saturday I came over, and we just talked all day?"
"Yes."
"Harry and I never did that. Ever. It was one of the best days of my life." She smiled wistfully, and yawned. She was falling back to sleep.
"What did you wind up choosing?"
"Hmm?"
"You said that day you would have to choose between life or death. What did you choose?"
"I chose life. Because I love you. Because I'm alive when I'm with you. And I wouldn't give that up for all the world that death with Harry would have offered me." Then she fell completely asleep. He kissed her forehead and smiled. Then he whispered into her ear as she slept,
"I love you too. I guess I just didn't really know it, because I'm not really supposed to care."
I'll do it although,
I'm not supposed to care