Kiya: ....Ok this idea came up suddenly today, worked with it and wound up with this story. This is all humor and is not meant to insult anyone or anything (PLEASE FORGIVE ME PRECIOUS!) and I do not own the books or movie.
"Ello"- speaking
'Ello'- thinking
What A Ring Could Bare
For thousands of years, the ring waited patiently for a fool who would pick it up and be consumed by its influence. But what the ring did not expect was that it would be a deranged hobbit that would pick it up.
1 year later
"Precious I love you soooooo much," Smeagol cooed while holding the one ring.
"....And I love you too?" the ring responded in an awkward voice.
"Wheee!!!" Smeagol cheered while spinning with the ring in a lonely cave. After Smeagol got too over protective with the ring that he literally killed his best friend, he was banished from the Shire and found that the cave was the second best thing to a home. "Precious loves me, precious loves me!" If the ring could, it would have a sweat drop from what it was witnessing.
"...Yea listen are we going to go to Mount Doom yet?" the ring asked the spinning Smeagol, but its questioned brought a halt to his actions.
"The precious wants to leave me?" Smeagol questioned and looked at the ring with such a sad look that he was on the verge to cry.
"No! No, no that's not what I meant! I mean I won't leave Smeag-" the ring was cut off from Smeagol cheering again and twirling.
"Yaaay! The precious loves me and won't ever leave me!" This was going to take some time to getting use to.
30 years later
If the ring had eyes, it would be twitching now. Smeagol was hardly wearing any clothes, from the years of being in the cave and honestly the sight was getting creepy.
"Uhh...Smeagol? Maybe you should go steal some clothes or something."
"Why would Smeagol need to steal clothes?" the small creature questioned, looking at the ring.
".....Because creatures such as yourself need clothes," the ring stated.
"But.....the precious doesn't wear clothes," Smeagol said in an innocent voice. The ring was silent on his part for a while fearing what was running through the creature's mind.
"That's because I'm a ring. I don't need clothes," the ring finally answered out of the awkwardness this conversation was going.
"Then if the precious doesn't need clothes than neither does Smeagol!" With that the last shreds of clothes were ripped from Smeagol, leaving him in all his glory....or what should be glory. The scene which is to be described will not be told in words but it was so horrifying to the ring that a screech was heard from the cave all the way to Mordor. The sound was so loud and high pitched that it sounded like thousands of small animals had died all at once and all the men of Middle-Earth had a silent migraine from it.
".....Precious?" Smeagol asked when the only thing he heard was silence, "Precious? Are you alright?" Again, there was silence and Smeagol started to worry. "Oh no! I killed the precious!" Smeagol started wailing at the silence of the ring.
"Not....dead..." came the small voice of the ring.
"Precious! Smeagol thought the precious was dead?!" Smeagol cheered with sorrow in his voice.
"Not yet....draining me...sight....unbearable," the ring's voice was growing softer.
"Oh! Why didn't the precious say its weakness was naked people?! Don't worry Smeagol will go find some clothes!" Smeagol pledged and disappeared in search for some clothes, leaving the ring alone. In its dark mind, one thing came clear to the ring.
'Damn...if I had known something like THAT existed then forget the orcs! One of him would had destroy that army millennia's ago!'
250 years later
The smell...stuck in the cave for 281 years and the cave smelt like the wrong side of Mordor. How Smeagol survived with the stench was by far a miracle on his part. The ring knew that Smeagol, or Gollum as he was starting to call himself, left the cave to hunt for fish or some small unfortunate creature. But for the love of Mordor the smell was finally getting to the ring!
"Hey Smeagol," the ring started.
"It's Gollum precious," Gollum corrected.
"....Riiigght anyways how about we go outside from the cave?"
"The precious wants to go outside?" Gollum asked.
"Yeeeees the precious want to go outside," the ring answered as it was starting to lose its mind slowly.
"Alright precious," Gollum picked up the ring and with his freakish hands and feet started to climb out of the cave and venture outside.
'Thank Mordor!' the ring thought to himself, "By the way Sme-Gollum, what was that smell in the cave?"
"The precious doesn't know?" Gollum questioned blinking at the ring.
"....Know what?" the ring questioned in a worried voice.
"It's where we goes to the bathroom," Gollum smiled with a strange pride.
"..................Oh...." the ring then learned it would never question the smell again and that Gollum was indeed deranged.
200 years later (Ring POV)
What in the name of Mordor did I do to deserve this?! I mean I killed the elves and mortals that tried to destroy me and stop my plans for domination but THIS?! Being here with this deranged hobbit for almost 500 years is not the kind of torture for something like me! Throw me into the fires of Mount Doom, display me somewhere where no one can ever have or use me but please, please, please, please, PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL!!
19 years later
"Precious?" Gollum asked quietly looking at the ring slightly confused.
'I'm not here,' the ring thought to himself, ignoring the creature.
"Please precious speak to us," Gollum pleaded to the golden band of doom.
'There is no precious here so please don't try again,' the ring silently responded in its mind.
"Why are you doing this precious? Why?!" his voice was growing panicky from the silence.
'If I stay really still and super quiet, he will leave me alone,' the ring thought again.
"Precious we love you!" Gollum declared to the silent ring like he had years before when he first had the ring.
'.....Can't we be friends?' And as if Gollum read the ring's dark mind of rejection of love, he screeched furiously and cast the ring away. There the ring laid until one day another creature picked it up.
'Oh no, not another hobbit?!'