"Just go, Hawke."

The tears came to Caitlin's eyes as he came through the door. She couldn't hold them off anymore. She was packing up her locker at Santini Air and had just picked up a photo. It was of her, Dom, and Hawke not long after she'd moved to California. They were all smiling and if she stood a little closer to Hawke than Dom she hadn't noticed it at the time. She should have noticed. She couldn't believe she'd let herself go this far. She felt like a teenager who had little experience with affairs of the heart. Caitlin knew now she had deluded herself. She made excuse after excuse each time she was forced to see her situation for what it was. She loved Stringfellow Hawke and he didn't feel the same. Oh, she knew he cared for her was probably even very fond of her, but love? No. He just didn't see her that way. The brief instances when he'd seemed attracted to her were always followed by him putting distance between them. It was as if he'd been drawn into the moment and then didn't want to lead her on.

"Talk to me." She heard the concern in his voice.

"Just leave me alone." Caitlin placed the photo into the box. The last relic of a life she had decided to leave behind.

Hawke heard the words, but saw the tears. She was hurting and he felt the need to offer what little comfort he could. He took the four steps to her quickly and folded her into his arms. She melted into his embrace the tears starting to flow against his shoulder. Suddenly, she pulled back trying to break his hold. He instinctively held on. She pushed at his shoulders.

"Leave me alone," she sobbed. "Please. I just can't do this anymore." She laid her head back on his shoulder and rested a moment as the tears flowed. She had already made her decision. For her own sanity, she had to move on with her life. Caitlin wanted more than just friendship to fulfill her. She wanted a family of her own. It was just so damned hard with him holding her. She took a step back. He let her his hands clasped behind her back at the waist. Tear filled gray eyes met compassionate questioning blue ones.

"I'm leaving."

The packing meant she was leaving Santini Air. He could clearly see that, but her words suddenly had him feeling an ache in the pit of his stomach. It sounded like there was a finality to the statement.

"California," she said as if in answer to his thoughts.

Shock, denial, and something else flitted across his face before he regained control and looked impassive. His body had gone rigid. He didn't know what to do much less what to say. Thoughts bombarded his mind as everything but her face left his vision. He remained silent but made no move to release her.

"Look Hawke. It's for the best." Why is he so damned silent? "I've already said goodbye to Dom and everyone else..." she suddenly couldn't meet his eyes, "can get along fine without me."

"When?"

The question hung in the air between them. He spoke calmly. How could he be so calm? She was leaving and he didn't know when or, he swallowed, if she was coming back. But, he had to know. He had to know. Just like he had to know what happened to Saint John in Vietnam. The need had suddenly become part of his core.

"Tomorrow."

Hawke dropped his hands to his side and lowered his gaze. He couldn't let her see what had to be in his eyes. He felt so selfish. He didn't want her to go. He would miss her. He was hurt. How could he be thinking about himself while she was crying? About how her absence was already affecting him even though she stood before him. Her words came back to him and he silently agreed. It was for the best. Away from him she'd be safe. She wouldn't be used for her connection to Airwolf to him. If anything happened to her, he knew he would never forgive himself. It was the reason he'd never fully given in to his feelings. Tried every time he'd slipped to reestablish the friendship only aspect of their relationship. He couldn't bare the thought of her dieing.

"Goodbye String," she said the words so softly he almost didn't hear them.

He snapped his gaze back to her face. He saw deep sorrow and pain. He hadn't know that being here had hurt her so. He wondered at what caused her so much pain and mentally kicked himself for being so distant lately. He should have been there for her like she had always been there for him. Even when they'd first met, he knew she would help him. He had looked into to those bright honest eyes and knew he could trust her with his problems. He should have helped her through whatever it was.

If I hadn't been so wrapped up in my own issues, would she be leaving now?

The thought haunted him. He pushed it away.

It's too late now.

He would do as she asked. He would let her go. Hawke knew it would be the hardest thing he'd ever done.

Before he could stop himself, he asked, "Are you coming back?"

He was amazed his voice was so steady as an overwhelming sense of loss began to fill him at her words. He hoped she'd say yes. He needed something to hang on to. He felt like he was suffocating and took a deep breath.

"I...I don't know." Caitlin's voice cracked on the halting words.

He studied her tear streaked face. Cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand. He began to brush tenderly at the tears with his thumb. He wanted to kiss her one last time.

She stood a moment, savoring his touch, her eyes closed. She didn't dare look at him. She couldn't bare to see the compassion so close to love. It would be too easy to convince herself there was something more in his eyes. Too easy, she knew, to lose herself again to the idea that they had a future as something more than friends. She felt his gentle thumb almost caressing her cheek and swallowed as he began to tilt her face up to meet his. She recognized the move. It was the same one he used on the rare occasions he kissed her. She couldn't, wouldn't let that happen. Her resolve would dissipate with no ground gained. She turned away with a force of will she was surprised she still possessed. Caitlin picked up her box of belongings and began to walk away. Each step closed the door on what could have been.

No. It could have been only to me.

She walked more resolutely. He let her go, step by excruciating step, as he began to realize just how much he was loosing.