Renesmee's POV

"They all said, your to young to even know. Just don't let it grow, and you'll be stronger without them, but now my world is at your feet I was lost and I was found but I was alive and now I've drown." They weren't there - Missy Higgins

When hit with disaster, your taught to fight, to stand strong, to take it as it comes. But this, well it almost sent me over the edge. She was like a mother to me, he was one of the best uncles in the world.

Rose and Emmett were killed a month ago by the Volturi. They broke one of the most important rules there is. They tried to make a vampire child. I thought I was enough for them. That I meant enough. That doesn't mean that I miss them with every bone in my body.

Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice and my parents had to go to Italy, the Volturi thought they had a role in the matter and my family thought that it would be safer if they all went especially with the Volturi's mind games. I wanted to be with my family but of course I am to 'precious' to lose and the Volturi would convince me to stay with them so Jake stepped in to take care of me.

"Hey Ness, I think you should go to bed. That is if your up for school tomorrow?" Jake said softly, breaking me out of my silent grief.

'Yer i'm fine, i'll go.' I muttered trying not to show my emotions . Tomorrow is going be the start of the new school year and I am going to try, hopelessly, to fit in with other 17 year olds. Though I have only been alive for 5 and a half years, I am intellectually and maturely beyond them which makes me and outcast, a freak. Not that it bothers me to much, of course I will never be normal I got over that along time ago.

"Night" Jake spoke with worry in his voice, I knew he saw threw me.

"Good Night Jacob" I said and began to walk up the stairs to my dad's old room, Jake was sleeping in Esme and Carlisle's room. I got into bed and fell into an uneasy but dreamless sleep.

I woke up to the sound of Jacob's snoring in the other room. I was feeling horrible, I had a nightmare. I had heard Rose and Emmett's screams, saw them being burnt and ripped into pieces. I couldn't take it. I couldn't just lie here the grief was unbearable. I got out of bed and creeped to Rose and Emmett's old room and opened the door. Rose's unique perfume and Emmett's cologne encircled me. It was if they were here, I felt just that bit closer. I started to open Rose's huge closet door and a flood of memories came back to me.

I remember when Emmett and I went on our very first hunt together I was physically 7 and I tried to take on a bear by myself I had fallen down and as the bear was about to attack me Emmett picked me up and put me on his shoulders and we killed it together, or when a guy at my school picked on me because I wouldn't got out with him, I was physical fifteen and it was my first week at school, Emmett dropped me off at school the next day and taught the kid a lesson, he never messed with Emmett's favorite niece again. And of course there where the practical jokes he pulled the ones that usual ended in me and Emmett wrestling covered in flower. He was also a great help when I'd had fights with my parents about teenage freedom. He would convince them to let me go anywhere I want. I missed his bear hugs and his smile and how enthusiastic he was for a fight.

Then there was the memories I'd shared with Rose in my short existence. She'd taught me so much especially all the stuff that mum wouldn't, like how to flirt and get a guys attention she'd also taught me how to sing which we would always together it was our favorite thing. I remember going to her when my first boy friend broke up with because while we were going out for five months he was seeing some one else someone 'prettier' someone 'funnier' someone 'better' that was when I was physically 16. Alice had spent hours on me making me stunning for prom and after waiting for him almost all night I got a text saying 'I can't go to prom with a freak, plus I have some someone better to go with" and what made it worse was that Jacob was in the hospital with Quil, whose Grampa had just died so Rose came and picked me up and took me to my room, helped me get out of my dress and we just ate ice-cream and she held me why I cried all night. But most importantly just 2 months ago when I told her something that I hadn't told anybody else, that I had feelings for Jacob, she had come up with a plan to get him to notice me we were so excited I was waiting for her and Emmett to get back from there 15th 'honeymoon' when I got the news, when everything changed.

Anger and grief and confusion and sadness and love and loss and heartache and lots of other emotions washed over me. I couldn't stop myself I began ripping dresses from the close, Rose's elegant gowns were strewn on the floor until I got to the the last dress, It was the one that Rose had gotten married to Emmett in the first time. I was going to wear it when I got married.

"YOUR NOT HERE, YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE HERE . YOUR SUPPOSED TO SEE ME GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS, TO FALL IN LOVE!' I screamed at the top of my lungs into the blackening silence.I knew it was irrational, that they weren't here but yet I continued.

"WHY WASN'T I ENOUGH, WHY AREN"T I EVER ENOUGH!" Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I started breaking anything I could find in there room like bottles of perfume vases even the mirror, I couldn't help it. I was sure I had woken Jake up but I didn't care.

I LOVED YOU BOTH SO MUCH, AND YOU GO, AND YOU... YOU DIE, YOU GET YOURSELVES KILLED, FOR A CHILD?. " I don't now what came over me, I guess I'd just been holding it all in for to long.

I felt warm arms wrap around me holding me tight so I couldn't move,I knew it was Jacob but still I started thrashing and kicking trying to get out of his grip."NO, GRRHH, AHHH, LET GO, STOP, RRRRGGHH, YOU CAN'T HELP, JUST LEAVE MEE! LEAVE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES!" I was convulsing with all my energy.

"Hey, shhhhhhhh, hey,hey,hey, Ness shhh, calm down, stop, shhhhhh" though Jakes slow voice was trying to sooth me, my emotions just over powered it.

"THERE GONE JAKE, DEAD, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOREVER! AND YOU THINK MY FAMILY CARED ENOUGH TO STAY WITH ME. NO! ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS REVENGE!" And the thrashing continued, Jake had to be getting tired by now, but I doubted that I was that strong.

"I am still here...I care." Jake whispered and I went limp and feel into the stage of crying where you take those involuntary, quick, sharp breathes that make your whole chest shake. I didn't say anything and Jake didn't say anything either he just picked me up and pulled me to his chest. Then steadily he walked me to Edward's old room, he lifted the covers and got in with me still in his arms. He just put the covers over us and rocked me a little I don't remember much after that, just that I was drifting into unconsciousness after the exhausting event.

I woke up in the middle of the bed, my alarm clock read 6:05 AM. Jake wasn't there. My eyes stung a little ad my throat was completely dry so I got up and walked into the on-sweet which was built for me 3 years ago. I was feeling a little better than I was last night and by a little I mean a very little so I decided a shower might be a good idea. I turned on the based tap and put my hands together like a bowl so I could have a drink. I looked in the mirror and I looked horrible my face was bright red in most places and I had bags under my eyes.I turned the hot on in the shower and slide my clothes on the hot water was extremely refreshing and made me feel slightly better.

When I got out I wrapped a huge towel around me and blow dried my hair, it only took five minutes using a very expensive hair dryer Alice had gotten me for my 5th birthday. I chucked some black tights on along with a singlet an big jumper, I had than slipped into my uggies. I looked at my self in the mirror again and I definitely looked better, even if I didn't feel it. I decided to go downstairs to find Jake and he was there leaning against the cabinet he turned to me his eyes anxious and waiting.

"Hey..." I said quietly a tiny smile pulling at my lips, my voice sounding croaky. When I said this his face lighten up a little I think he expected me to go into hysterics.

"Hey Ness, do you still want to go to school today?" He said this gently, I thought about that for a little while and decided that It probably wasn't the best idea, I shrugged my shoulders not having a defiant answer.

"I think that we should talk... about last night.' He looked incredible, it distracted me for a second and reminded me what my life had been like a month ago, I defiantly needed a lot of time to think and school sounded like the perfect place. How was I supposed to explain last night?

"You know what Jake, I am going to be late to school, but we'll have this talk later ok" I knew he would be completely confused with my mixed messages but, it was better than the awkward silence that would take place while Jake was waiting for answers to his all to overwhelming questions. I grabbed my books and ran out the door I knew he would offer me a lift but I really did feel like running. Thankfully, although I only have half the strength of a Vampire I can match there speed any day and before I new it I was entering school. I could sense people staring, normally I came to school in better attire. I couldn't really careless.

Luckily school breezed by and before I new it, it was 6th period. I knew Jake would ask me the typical things like how are you feeling and tell me things like they loved you, it's not your fault there gone and I really didn't need lies right now, actually I didn't really know what I needed.

Surely enough when I left school Jake was waiting for me.

"No car?" I asked. This usually meant that he was going into wolf form and I would get to ride but he didn't smile, he actually looked worse seeing me. This stung, a lot .

"Actually I think we should go for a walk, Carlisle called today so I have some news." His face was as mutual and impossible to read, I knew that it probably meant that this wasn't very good news.

"Well than, can we got to the beach?" I felt most like myself at La Push I felt at home, I hadn't been there since well, a month ago.

"Sure" He smiled lightly, I knew that he had to go into wolf form now so we walked into the woods behind the school. I waited while he went deeper.A huge Russet wolf walked out of the bushes. I ran and jumped on Jakes back grasping his fur. He took of running full speed I put my head on his back and my arms around him. This is as close as we got and although I had so much going on, for this little moment I could breathe a little easier. We got to the beach in no time at all and I hopped down as Jake ran into the fringe of the woods to get changed. We walked close and sad on a giant, damp, grey rock.

"The News?" I asked hesitantly, I was preparing myself I hoped so badly that they had sorted everything out but again I highly doubted it.

"Jasper and Edward struck out and killed Cauis" He said this with expectant eyes, he was waiting or me to react.

"Well, are they still alive!" I said in a worried rush, but I saw Jacob was about to speak.

"Thankfully they are." Relief washed over me "But" and I knew this was coming " Although the Volturi didn't kill them they decided to make a condition on there freedom. They have made them all stay for 2 years they figure they can study all there talents and could only speak for a minute or two, the only way they are letting them contact you or I is if we go there, but Carlisle said under no circumstances am I to take you there"

"Oh god Jacob, Two years?. What am I going to do" I said the rush of emotions creeping up in my voice.. " I want to go home now! Take me home!" I said as it started raining heavily it was around 5 and although I run warmer than the average human a chill came over me.

Jake didn't say a word and he just ran to the bushes and before I new it he came out as a wolf. I climbed up on him. I was so thankful for the rain, maybe now Jake wouldn't feel the tears that were falling on his back. I'd already lost one mother and now I won't be able to see mine for two years, I won't be able to communicate with the people I have been closest to for 2 years! We were at the house now, I jumped of Jake no tears coming at this moment , again I was thankful.

"Could you stay down stairs Jake I just need some time by myself." I really hoped he understood.

"Yer, sure Ness, I have to go tell Billy and the rest of the pack about what has happened with your family, and that I will be staying here with you longer, I couldn't get a hold of any of them to pass it on plus, I need to get a few things".He said waiting for a reply but I just nodded and and turned towards the house I could hear him phasing again.

Now that Jake was gone and I well... I was well and truly alone. What a bad idea.

Seeing as I had just got soaked I figured it would be best if I took a shower. I had a massive headache which I presumed I got from the stress of the day. I decided to look for some panadol first and went to open my bed side draws but I couldn't find it any where I was getting really frustrated seeing as I saw it in hear yesterday. I got to the last draw and my hand grazed passed something unexpected pass something unexpected. I was a deep red pocket knife that Emmett had given me when I was physically twelve it was engraved I slid my hand across the gold fancy lettering it read " Little but Mighty" it made my stomach clench and something inside me I picked it up and took it to the bathroom grasping it in my hand. I placed it on the counter and began to get out of my wet clothes. I started the shower and stepped in picking up the pocket knife once again.

The shower that I had was one of those ones with a bath tub at the bottom so I slowly sat down. I let the water run on my back slightly burning, I was surrounded in white and the contrast with the knife in my porcelain hand was almost meant to be. I flicked a switch that made the sharp, silver knife pop out. I went into to auto pilot in the next moment and began cutting my perfect skin. Thankfully I hadn't inherited impenetrable vampire skin. With each cut, starting at my ankle, the pain eased ever so slightly and before I knew it the water bellow me was stained red with my blood. It felt as though I was having an outer body experience.

It felt like I wasn't the one continuously cutting, like I was watching someone else harm me. Before I knew it my whole body was covered in red lines, I was bleeding out. Though I didn't inherit impenetrable skin, I do however heal faster than the average human. The cuts on my ankle were almost completely healed but I had cut to much wounds for my body to cope with and with one short breathe I feel into unconsciousness.

What's going to happen when Jake finds her? Please review and tell my your Ideas, I love hearing different peoples opinions on stories and how they are unique and I am willing to include them all (As long as they don't clash) . Thanks for reading to the end. Reviews really do make my day! : )