Ryoko's deal with the devil
In this world there around ten billion people. All of which have good and bad points, let's say for an example that a eco-warrior fights the slaughter of animals for beef but they litter the damn planet. A priest might snooze during prayer at the church or maybe dream of the girl he will always meet. You see people, it's always I want this and I want that. Well, it can be like that. Now people learn from experiences out of this world that being selfish or greedy can be bad. But as I see from my list, there's someone who has even more sins to hide. One space pirate by the name of Ryoko. Age unknown, a nice beautiful lady. And deseparate to shag Tenchi. A perfect candidate for wishes; there's no real catch….I think. But what do you care, your just reading my statement on the whole thing. You haven't see the whole story. Sitting comfortable? Got a nice hot cup of chocolate? With a pipe and slippers? Yes? Then sit back and relax for this fun story. Is it fun? Ok, it is. Is there a moral? Wait! I'm spoiling the story. Let's just start this damn thing shall we?
* * * * * *
" Tenchi; where are you?"
" Go away Ryoko, I'm busy!"
" Come on, I just want to play."
" Go away Ryoko."
" What are busy with anyway?"
" Er….stuff…..something…to do with…school."
" Can I help?"
" No Ryoko, I'm fine, really I am!"
" Then why have you locked your bedroom door?"
" Because I want privacy."
" Are you doing something in there that I won't like?"
" No Ryoko, I'm busy!"
" Busy with what?"
" Stuff…for school."
" What exactly?"
" A project!"
" Project on…."
"….something really good."
" Are you lying because your're in there reading a magazine and you don't want me to disturb you?"
" No!"
" Are you sure?"
" YES!"
" What magazine are you reading?"
" I don't have a magazine!"
" Yes you do, I found the receipt for it…teenage troubles issue number 45, am I right?"
" Are you sure that's my dad's magazine?"
" Tenchi! Your dad's at work and I saw you come back with the bag."
" No you didn't!"
" I see, you don't want to spend time with me! Is that it?"
" No, I'm busy at this time, I'll do something with you later, ok?"
" Yeah, right!"
It was just another day at Tenchi household. And it seemed that Tenchi wanted to do some… 'private studying' for school the next day. That left poor old…whoops…I meant poor young Ryoko's day just being bored again. Aykea and Sasamia were out picking berries in the woods, don't worry I'll put a big wolf there to frighten them later, Mishosi and Kiyone were on duty and Washu was locked up in her lab (as usual) doing scienitific research on her experiments. All in all, just a typical day.
It was around noon, and Ryoko was all alone sitting on the couch looking at the tv. It was showing repeats of the daily soap opera that was cancelled years ago because it had no fans and it had no plot kinda like Dallas. It was showing the episode of who shot J.R. Ryoko didn't really want to find out and she decided to flick through the channels on the remote.
" Nothing good on at lunchtime," said Ryoko flicking through the channels.
" DAMN IT!" cried Tenchi from upstairs.
" Tenchi! Can I come up yet?" asked Ryoko.
" No, I'm still busy."
" Yeah right and I'm Barney the fricking dinosaur." Said Ryoko to herself. " But since it's lunchtime I'll go and get some lunch."
Ryoko got up and headed to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out large quanties of ingredients and made her self a sandwich. It only took her five minutes to make and digest the whole thing. Then Ryoko was bored. She then plodded outside and sat down looking at the clouds.
" Today's so boring," said Ryoko to herself. " I'd give anything to do something with Tenchi today."
" Anything?" asked a voice behind her.
" Yes, anything…" said Ryoko. She turned around to see a lemming in a suit. " AH! Who the hell are you?"
" I'm a lemming, I jump off cliffs and I'm computer game character from the game 'Lemmings', it's so Ironic isn't it?"
" What are you doing here?"
" Well, someone said they give anything to do something with Tenchi." Said the lemming. He took out a clipboard from his black suit and flipped through some papers. " A nice guy, you want him so badly don't you Ryoko?"
" How did you know my name?" asked Ryoko rasing an eyebrow.
" Well my dear," said the Lemming throwing the clipboard away. " I know everything that you know! I know that Tenchi right now is in his room reading a men's magazine that his father gave him the money for."
" Really?"
" Really!" said the Lemming. " I think it cost him eight dollars, a nice amount of money for teenage porn these days."
" My god Tenchi's a pervert. Then why doesn't he try and chat me up?"
" Because my dear, he likes women who don't force him," said the Lemming taking out a picture. He showed it to her. It was Tenchi, at the hotsprings being assaulted by Ryoko. " Remind you of anything."
" I don't remember," said Ryoko. The lemming put the picture away.
" Anyway, since you and I have some free time let's go somewhere quiet to…"
"….I don't find you attractive in anyway and you're a different speices than me."
" Oh for God's sake, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD! I'M NEVER IN MOOD! If I wanted women I could make it happen in the time it takes for a television to change channels." Said the Lemming. " I want to talk about business!"
" About what business?"
" You silly!" said the Lemming and he clapped his hands.
* * * * *
" Where are we?" asked Ryoko sitting in front of a desk with a malt whisky in her hand. " Weren't we outside Tenchi's home?"
" Yes, but I do my business here," said the Lemming sitting down at the other end in a comfy chair. " So, to business. What if I told you that I have the power to grant you anything and everything you always desired."
" Like Tenchi?"
" Yep!"
" Like getting rid of Aekya for me?"
" Yep!"
" Like stopping Washu doing those werid experiments on me to see if my sex's appeal on course?"
" Um….yessss!"
" You paued there," said Ryoko. " Can't you do that?"
" Well, the thing is I don't know about you and Washu. All I know is from my files is that your attracted to Tenchi. Tenchi doesn't want you, Aekya attracted to him as well! Makes a nice love triangle."
" So what are trying to say? You can make me desirable to Tenchi and Aekya can be attracted to Washu?"
" If you like Lesbianism then yes," said the Lemming. " Anyway, let's look at the contract shall we?"
" What contract?" asked Ryoko. A big wage of paper came down from the sky and hit her in the head and then landed on her lap. " OW!"
" Sorry, stay clear, it flatten Goku's head once and you don't want to know what happened to Ash and his Pikachu when the contract came." said the Lemming. " Take a quick read through, it states that I, the devil, will give you seven wishes for your soul. How's that?"
" You're the devil?"
" Yep," said the Lemming.
" Right….I don't believe you."
" Really?" asked the Lemming. " Don't believe me, ask for something!"
" Ok, um…. I would like a ice cream Sunday," said Ryoko. " With hot fudge"
" Fine," said the Lemming. He clicked his fingers and a rather large ice cream Sunday appeared in front of Ryoko. The lemming handed her a spoon. " Eat up."
" Cheers," said Ryoko. She started to eat the ice cream Sunday.
" So have we established that I am the devil?"
" Yep," said Ryoko still eating.
" Good, as I was saying. The contract states that I, the devil, will give you seven wishes…"
"…seven?"
" I like the number," said the Lemming. " Anyway, I will give you seven wishes for your soul." Ryoko spat out her ice cream. " They always do that when I say that part."
" MY SOUL?" shouted Ryoko.
" Do you want a medal or something, that's what I said!"
" Do I have to give you my soul? Can't you just take Aekya's soul instead."
" Not that simple, I would have to do numerous things in sub section 679 of the contract; that would state numerous items bing required. You don't want to know what they are."
" But why my soul?"
" It's just a type of payment," said the Lemming taking out a cigar and lighting it. " Nothing will happen….except for you to suffer torment in hell!"
" Hell?"
" It's not a real big deal, I'll explain it later. So are you interested?"
" Well, the point of seven wishes seem promising, but do I still have to give you my soul?"
" Trust me, if you spoke with my clients they would all say that they're having the best time of their life. Take John Travolta, he wished that he could make Battlefield Earth, now he's up for plently of awards claiming the film to the most crap in existence."
" I see….I still dunno."
" Well, I've tried my speaking part," said the Lemming smoking his cigar. " But take a look at the nice big video wall to my left." Ryoko looked at the giant video screen to see a person running along a roadway.
" Who's that?" asked Ryoko. The video screen zoomed in. The person running was Tenchi. " What's Tenchi doing?"
" All will become clear," said the Lemming puffing out smoke. Meanwhile on the video screen, Tenchi was meeting up with a stranger sitting at a table.
" Who's that person?" asked Ryoko standing up. " She better not be trying to steal my…" The video showed that the person was Ryoko herself, looking beautiful in a nice gown. "…..that's me?"
" Exactly," said the Lemming.
" I love you Ryoko," said Tenchi on the video. " And I'll stay with you forever."
" Is this real?" asked Ryoko walking over to and staring the video which was showing herself and Tenchi spending time on the beach.
" It can be," said the Lemming standing next to Ryoko. " All you have to do, to have Tenchi forever, is to sign the contract. And he's yours, no problems from Aekya, Washu or anyone else."
Ryoko took a long thought, she had the chance of being with Tenchi forever. That was her ideal wish, there seemed to be no other way in her mind to figure this all out. Give her soul to get Tenchi? Or continue aguring over his effections? Ryoko gave more thought and then turned to the contract on the desk; she walked over and picked up a pen and signed it.
" Excellent," said the Lemming picking up the contract and putting it in a drawer of his desk. " Your all set."
" Set for what?"
" Your wishes, but before we go on," said the Lemming. He took out a mobile phone and handed it to her. " If at any time, your wish is not going to plan, dial 5555-Satan and I'll be there. Everything clear?"
" Yep," said Ryoko. " Could I make a wish now?"
" Well, I've got an appointment with Joel Schumacher over Batman and Robin, so make it quick."
" Ok, I want to be married to Tenchi, rich, powerful and well known."
" Say I wish and I'll do it."
" I wish that I was married to Tenchi; that we we're rich, powerful and our love is well known."
" You got it," said the Lemming clicking his fingers. He then brought out a crown and put it on her head. " Enjoy!" Then Ryoko couldn't see anything.
In this world there around ten billion people. All of which have good and bad points, let's say for an example that a eco-warrior fights the slaughter of animals for beef but they litter the damn planet. A priest might snooze during prayer at the church or maybe dream of the girl he will always meet. You see people, it's always I want this and I want that. Well, it can be like that. Now people learn from experiences out of this world that being selfish or greedy can be bad. But as I see from my list, there's someone who has even more sins to hide. One space pirate by the name of Ryoko. Age unknown, a nice beautiful lady. And deseparate to shag Tenchi. A perfect candidate for wishes; there's no real catch….I think. But what do you care, your just reading my statement on the whole thing. You haven't see the whole story. Sitting comfortable? Got a nice hot cup of chocolate? With a pipe and slippers? Yes? Then sit back and relax for this fun story. Is it fun? Ok, it is. Is there a moral? Wait! I'm spoiling the story. Let's just start this damn thing shall we?
* * * * * *
" Tenchi; where are you?"
" Go away Ryoko, I'm busy!"
" Come on, I just want to play."
" Go away Ryoko."
" What are busy with anyway?"
" Er….stuff…..something…to do with…school."
" Can I help?"
" No Ryoko, I'm fine, really I am!"
" Then why have you locked your bedroom door?"
" Because I want privacy."
" Are you doing something in there that I won't like?"
" No Ryoko, I'm busy!"
" Busy with what?"
" Stuff…for school."
" What exactly?"
" A project!"
" Project on…."
"….something really good."
" Are you lying because your're in there reading a magazine and you don't want me to disturb you?"
" No!"
" Are you sure?"
" YES!"
" What magazine are you reading?"
" I don't have a magazine!"
" Yes you do, I found the receipt for it…teenage troubles issue number 45, am I right?"
" Are you sure that's my dad's magazine?"
" Tenchi! Your dad's at work and I saw you come back with the bag."
" No you didn't!"
" I see, you don't want to spend time with me! Is that it?"
" No, I'm busy at this time, I'll do something with you later, ok?"
" Yeah, right!"
It was just another day at Tenchi household. And it seemed that Tenchi wanted to do some… 'private studying' for school the next day. That left poor old…whoops…I meant poor young Ryoko's day just being bored again. Aykea and Sasamia were out picking berries in the woods, don't worry I'll put a big wolf there to frighten them later, Mishosi and Kiyone were on duty and Washu was locked up in her lab (as usual) doing scienitific research on her experiments. All in all, just a typical day.
It was around noon, and Ryoko was all alone sitting on the couch looking at the tv. It was showing repeats of the daily soap opera that was cancelled years ago because it had no fans and it had no plot kinda like Dallas. It was showing the episode of who shot J.R. Ryoko didn't really want to find out and she decided to flick through the channels on the remote.
" Nothing good on at lunchtime," said Ryoko flicking through the channels.
" DAMN IT!" cried Tenchi from upstairs.
" Tenchi! Can I come up yet?" asked Ryoko.
" No, I'm still busy."
" Yeah right and I'm Barney the fricking dinosaur." Said Ryoko to herself. " But since it's lunchtime I'll go and get some lunch."
Ryoko got up and headed to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out large quanties of ingredients and made her self a sandwich. It only took her five minutes to make and digest the whole thing. Then Ryoko was bored. She then plodded outside and sat down looking at the clouds.
" Today's so boring," said Ryoko to herself. " I'd give anything to do something with Tenchi today."
" Anything?" asked a voice behind her.
" Yes, anything…" said Ryoko. She turned around to see a lemming in a suit. " AH! Who the hell are you?"
" I'm a lemming, I jump off cliffs and I'm computer game character from the game 'Lemmings', it's so Ironic isn't it?"
" What are you doing here?"
" Well, someone said they give anything to do something with Tenchi." Said the lemming. He took out a clipboard from his black suit and flipped through some papers. " A nice guy, you want him so badly don't you Ryoko?"
" How did you know my name?" asked Ryoko rasing an eyebrow.
" Well my dear," said the Lemming throwing the clipboard away. " I know everything that you know! I know that Tenchi right now is in his room reading a men's magazine that his father gave him the money for."
" Really?"
" Really!" said the Lemming. " I think it cost him eight dollars, a nice amount of money for teenage porn these days."
" My god Tenchi's a pervert. Then why doesn't he try and chat me up?"
" Because my dear, he likes women who don't force him," said the Lemming taking out a picture. He showed it to her. It was Tenchi, at the hotsprings being assaulted by Ryoko. " Remind you of anything."
" I don't remember," said Ryoko. The lemming put the picture away.
" Anyway, since you and I have some free time let's go somewhere quiet to…"
"….I don't find you attractive in anyway and you're a different speices than me."
" Oh for God's sake, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD! I'M NEVER IN MOOD! If I wanted women I could make it happen in the time it takes for a television to change channels." Said the Lemming. " I want to talk about business!"
" About what business?"
" You silly!" said the Lemming and he clapped his hands.
* * * * *
" Where are we?" asked Ryoko sitting in front of a desk with a malt whisky in her hand. " Weren't we outside Tenchi's home?"
" Yes, but I do my business here," said the Lemming sitting down at the other end in a comfy chair. " So, to business. What if I told you that I have the power to grant you anything and everything you always desired."
" Like Tenchi?"
" Yep!"
" Like getting rid of Aekya for me?"
" Yep!"
" Like stopping Washu doing those werid experiments on me to see if my sex's appeal on course?"
" Um….yessss!"
" You paued there," said Ryoko. " Can't you do that?"
" Well, the thing is I don't know about you and Washu. All I know is from my files is that your attracted to Tenchi. Tenchi doesn't want you, Aekya attracted to him as well! Makes a nice love triangle."
" So what are trying to say? You can make me desirable to Tenchi and Aekya can be attracted to Washu?"
" If you like Lesbianism then yes," said the Lemming. " Anyway, let's look at the contract shall we?"
" What contract?" asked Ryoko. A big wage of paper came down from the sky and hit her in the head and then landed on her lap. " OW!"
" Sorry, stay clear, it flatten Goku's head once and you don't want to know what happened to Ash and his Pikachu when the contract came." said the Lemming. " Take a quick read through, it states that I, the devil, will give you seven wishes for your soul. How's that?"
" You're the devil?"
" Yep," said the Lemming.
" Right….I don't believe you."
" Really?" asked the Lemming. " Don't believe me, ask for something!"
" Ok, um…. I would like a ice cream Sunday," said Ryoko. " With hot fudge"
" Fine," said the Lemming. He clicked his fingers and a rather large ice cream Sunday appeared in front of Ryoko. The lemming handed her a spoon. " Eat up."
" Cheers," said Ryoko. She started to eat the ice cream Sunday.
" So have we established that I am the devil?"
" Yep," said Ryoko still eating.
" Good, as I was saying. The contract states that I, the devil, will give you seven wishes…"
"…seven?"
" I like the number," said the Lemming. " Anyway, I will give you seven wishes for your soul." Ryoko spat out her ice cream. " They always do that when I say that part."
" MY SOUL?" shouted Ryoko.
" Do you want a medal or something, that's what I said!"
" Do I have to give you my soul? Can't you just take Aekya's soul instead."
" Not that simple, I would have to do numerous things in sub section 679 of the contract; that would state numerous items bing required. You don't want to know what they are."
" But why my soul?"
" It's just a type of payment," said the Lemming taking out a cigar and lighting it. " Nothing will happen….except for you to suffer torment in hell!"
" Hell?"
" It's not a real big deal, I'll explain it later. So are you interested?"
" Well, the point of seven wishes seem promising, but do I still have to give you my soul?"
" Trust me, if you spoke with my clients they would all say that they're having the best time of their life. Take John Travolta, he wished that he could make Battlefield Earth, now he's up for plently of awards claiming the film to the most crap in existence."
" I see….I still dunno."
" Well, I've tried my speaking part," said the Lemming smoking his cigar. " But take a look at the nice big video wall to my left." Ryoko looked at the giant video screen to see a person running along a roadway.
" Who's that?" asked Ryoko. The video screen zoomed in. The person running was Tenchi. " What's Tenchi doing?"
" All will become clear," said the Lemming puffing out smoke. Meanwhile on the video screen, Tenchi was meeting up with a stranger sitting at a table.
" Who's that person?" asked Ryoko standing up. " She better not be trying to steal my…" The video showed that the person was Ryoko herself, looking beautiful in a nice gown. "…..that's me?"
" Exactly," said the Lemming.
" I love you Ryoko," said Tenchi on the video. " And I'll stay with you forever."
" Is this real?" asked Ryoko walking over to and staring the video which was showing herself and Tenchi spending time on the beach.
" It can be," said the Lemming standing next to Ryoko. " All you have to do, to have Tenchi forever, is to sign the contract. And he's yours, no problems from Aekya, Washu or anyone else."
Ryoko took a long thought, she had the chance of being with Tenchi forever. That was her ideal wish, there seemed to be no other way in her mind to figure this all out. Give her soul to get Tenchi? Or continue aguring over his effections? Ryoko gave more thought and then turned to the contract on the desk; she walked over and picked up a pen and signed it.
" Excellent," said the Lemming picking up the contract and putting it in a drawer of his desk. " Your all set."
" Set for what?"
" Your wishes, but before we go on," said the Lemming. He took out a mobile phone and handed it to her. " If at any time, your wish is not going to plan, dial 5555-Satan and I'll be there. Everything clear?"
" Yep," said Ryoko. " Could I make a wish now?"
" Well, I've got an appointment with Joel Schumacher over Batman and Robin, so make it quick."
" Ok, I want to be married to Tenchi, rich, powerful and well known."
" Say I wish and I'll do it."
" I wish that I was married to Tenchi; that we we're rich, powerful and our love is well known."
" You got it," said the Lemming clicking his fingers. He then brought out a crown and put it on her head. " Enjoy!" Then Ryoko couldn't see anything.