Title: A Harsh Reality
Summary: Losing a patient wasn't unusual in his line of work, he was bound to lose some along the way. Knowing this, he'd prepared himself for the worst but no amount of preparation could help him in this situation. He did not see this coming, not this. "—it's not your fault, ok?"
Author's note: Read at your own risk. I'm not even sorry for not specifying any warnings.
Disclaimer: I do not own KnB. Well, talk about stating the obvious.
The scent of disinfectant tickled his nose as he walked through the corridor. Clack, clack, clack. His footsteps echoed against the walls. The sanitary odour and rhythmic resonation of shoes hitting the tiled floor pushed him over the edge, as time passed he had started to hate those sensations. The melancholic atmosphere in the hospital had heightened since that unfortunate day.
"I'll be turning your case over to the best oncologist we have in this hospital. Now if you'll excuse me." He said as bluntly as he could.
There was no response, the patient merely nodded without even looking at him.
It had taken him all the will he could muster to keep his voice void of any emotion, he had to keep that consultation on a professional level after all. But he could never forget the dead look on his patient's eyes, that look that had almost broken his façade and was breaking his heart even until now.
"Shin-chan…I'm…I'm sorry…" He said in between sobs as he broke down in front of the bespectacled man.
Midorima remained silent. There wasn't anything he could say to comfort the other, not in this situation. He was afraid he himself would break down if he were to utter even just a single word so he chose not to speak. Crying now would only make things worse.
Clack, clack, clack. It was taking him forever to reach his destination, every step he took was agonizing. His heart was beating so fast by the time he reached that specific room. He took a deep breath before reaching for the doorknob. The metal was cold against his touch, taking away every ounce of warmth it had. Slowly he turned the knob and gently pushed the door.
"His Intraocular Melanoma has recurred. Currently it's in a diffused state, it has spread widely across his uvea. And—" the oncologist explained to his companion but was cut-off.
"Recurred? What do you mean…recurred?"
"You know what I mean doctor. It seems the patient had it way back and was successfully treated 5 years ago and by successfully I mean—doctor what does this person mean to you?"
"He's someone important to me…I can't believe this…He never…told me."
That day he was in shock, he couldn't function properly and had to be sent home to have the rest of the day off for himself. It was too much, too much for him to handle. The person he held dear to him was dying and there wasn't anything he could do.
Cold air and the strong scent of isopropyl alcohol welcomed him as he entered the room. The patient was fast asleep on the accursed white bed with wires of all sorts attached to his body. His skin was deathly pale, his face twisted in agony even as he sleeps, he was breathing heavily as he fought the pain coursing through his body.
"His case is metastatic and the tumor has already spread to his lungs and liver…it's only a matter of time before—" He couldn't finish what he had to say, any more and he'd definitely break down in front of the patient and the patient's family and that wasn't something a doctor like him was supposed to do.
"We will try everything we can, for now let's just hope and wait." He finished before taking his leave.
Hope and wait, for what? What had he intended to tell them then? There was nothing for them to hope for, nothing for them to wait for. He knew that, yet what was that all about? Who was he kidding? He was only trying to convince himself, convince himself that none of this was true. That this was merely a simple misunderstanding. That this patient wasn't actually dying, that he'd simply been misdiagnosed and he has a curable condition. He was trying to convince himself that everything was alright but everyone knew, they all knew that it was all but a stupid lie.
"Good morning—"
"Can you…come closer?" The patient interrupted as he reached his hands towards the other.
Cold hands fumbled in search for his warm cheeks. They were icy cold, as cold as his eyes had turned. He squinted in an attempt to focus his sight on the man in front of him but it was no use. He could barely see. He tightened his hold on the other as much as his remaining strength would allow him as he felt hot tears dampen his hands.
"Don't cry, please don't cry…" he said soothingly in a dire attempt to comfort the crying man.
"But how can't I?! This…this isn't fair…! Why is life so cruel…When I…When I—"
"Kazunari."
The sound of his name coming from none other than his old partner stopped his crying. He looked up at the man in front of him only to find him forcing a pained smile.
"But—but when you told me you could no longer live your dream as a doctor without giving me any reason I only had one thing on my mind; I wanted to live it for you. But then…but then you disappeared without any warning. I had to struggle for years, I felt so desperate. I went to medical school wishing…hoping that I'd come across you somehow. It was the only thing left connecting me to you, it was the only thing left that reminded me that Midorima Shintarou existed."
"Takao…"
"When you told me you could no longer fulfil your dream I did not expect THIS! How could you be so selfish?! You didn't even bother to tell me…"
He could no longer hold it in. All those years of frustration, desperately holding on to any hope of him reconnecting with the other has taken their toll on him. He did not intend for this to happen but he could no longer help himself. It was too painful for him to watch the other suffer.
"I'm sorry…" Midorima said weakly, that was the only thing he could muster to say.
He was far too weak to speak in lengthy sentences, the pain was making it hard for him to even think of anything to say.
"Sorry?! Do you even know how hard it was to get through med school?! It was hell Shin-chan! And this…this is even worse, having to watch you die is even worse…"
Midorima was glad despite everything that has happened and was happening, he was glad. Though in pain, he was glad. He was glad that Takao wasn't the one dying, he wouldn't know what to do if he were the one in Takao's position. Not that he'd admit that to anyone. And he was glad to know that the other cared so much for him.
"Shin-chan…I…I really, really love you. I always have, always will. So please…don't die." Takao said in a barely audible whisper.
It took him too long to say those words. He was afraid of being rejected, he was too afraid of losing his dear friend for a petty affection, he was too afraid to take the risk of his Shin-chan leaving his side. But this time the only thing he feared was losing the chance of letting the other person know about how he truly felt.
Love, huh. Lady fate was just too cruel.
"I love you too…"
Takao was taken by surprise. He did not expect that. At this point a rejection might have been the best response for him, for both of them.
"I…always have…and forever will…"
This was just too cruel. Why now? If only he had told him years ago then they would've been happy, if he had done that then this might've never happened; things could have been different. Or maybe it wouldn't have been. It was a disease they were up against after all.
"Why…why just now..? Why…"
He willed himself not to cry but muffling his sobs was as far as he could get. This was unfair. Midorima should be the one complaining, he was supposed to be the one crying, he was the one who needed to be comforted through all this but Takao was being selfish and had turned the table against him.
Days, weeks passed. Time flew by so painfully fast, Takao had to drag his feet just to keep up but he couldn't. He couldn't keep up enough to prepare his heart for this fated day. He had seen this coming yet he just couldn't bear it.
"Midorima-san, it's time."
Midorima had asked to be drugged to die the least painful death for him but still it was anything but any less painful. He could take it; the pain coursing through his body, the nausea, the headache. But he couldn't take the fact that his parents didn't even spare him a few hours of their time to see him off, or how Takao was there to see this all—his suffering, his pain, his death. He couldn't take the fact of having Takao go through this alone, it was too painful to know. By now, he could no longer see but he could feel how Takao was trying to be strong for both of them though he was failing miserably at it. The raven-haired boy was talking, though Midorima could barely focus he at least understood what they were about. He was talking about the past, their happy memories together with everyone else, how they had won and lost countless times, how they laughed and argued during their youth.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry Shin-chan…I'm so…so useless. You would've done a better job, I just can't do this—"
"Takao." Midorima interrupted as firmly as he could. "Takao…it's not your fault, ok?"
"Shin-chan!"
"Mou, Shin-chan…"
"Oi, Shin-chan!"
"Shin-chaaaaan."
Midorima could feel his consciousness slowly slipping away. A few more seconds, he needed a few more seconds with Takao. Even more, if possible. But he knew better. It was time. Soon he'd be in a deep slumber never to be awakened again.
"Takao…please…smile…for me…I love…you."
Losing a patient wasn't unusual in his line of work, he was bound to lose some along the way. Knowing this, he'd prepared himself for the worst but no amount of preparation could help him in this situation. He did not see this coming, not this. Not in a million years had he anticipated that Midorima Shintarou, the man he had always loved, was the first patient he'd lose.
"I love you too, Shintarou…"
The long awaited sound had finally come. Tears constantly streamed down Shutoku's former point guard's face. He held onto Midorima's cold hand tightly, savouring every last moment of contact with the other. The sound of the heart monitor flat lining was drowned by Takao's wails and cries, he couldn't take this. If this was some sort of sick twisted joke turned into a nightmare, he wanted to wake up now. But alas this was reality, cruel as it may seem everything was real. The flat line on the monitor, the long and sharp endless beep and Midorima's cold lifeless body; they were all real and Takao couldn't take this reality, not now, not ever. Reality was just too cruel.
I hope you liked it.
I'm not even sorry for this. (*◠_◠)ノ*`*`*
I don't know how well or how bad I did so please leave a review and tell me what you think about this...the title itself was half-assed, I can't think of a good title for this. Flames are welcomed too if ever you'd want to leave such hateful words haha. If you think this needs beta-ing and are willing to be the beta reader for this then message me,'k? Ja'ne.