1Forever didn't seem nearly long enough to be together. Bella was all I wanted, she made me feel whole. My silent organ that was protected by my ribs felt like it was fluttering. It was a foreign feeling, it stung and I gasped, my chest tightening slightly.
"Edward what's wrong?" Bella's worried eyes met mine, her delicate hands massaged my stone hands in a soothing gesture. I welcomed it, her warmth is something I could never turn down, any contact of her skin she offered me. I would never force her contact though, I was in no way near comfortable with her touching my cold skin, I was self-conscious of myself, but I wouldn't stop her if she wanted to.
I felt her cast covered leg brush against mine and my body twitched at the contact. I didn't have to open my eyes to know that she was leaning over me, the suns penetrating rays suddenly blocked by her form over me. Her hand cautiously ran through my disheveled hair and I stiffened under her touch, her hand instantly retreating.
"I'm sorry, I won't touch you anymore." The sadness in her voice was unmasked and my hands clenched into fists, why must I ruin everything? Her touching me makes us both happy, why must I always ruin every moment we have together. I reached my hand over to hers in the grass, shifting my hand so it rested under hers, palm up. Her soft hand trembled slightly as she traced my hand with her slender finger. Her hands trailed up my arm, her fingers dancing up to forearm. The urge to hold her to my chest and never let go was getting stronger and stronger, so much that my arm jerked slightly towards her.
"Edward, please tell me what's wrong with you? Do you not like this?" For the first time since we had laid down in our meadow, I opened my eyes. I tilted my head to see her beautiful face, our eyes locked and I heard her heart pound harder and a blush rushed to her face. I reached for her face without thinking, taking it between both of my hands as if she was a porcelain doll. I got to my knees slowly, never taking my hands away from her or breaking our eye contact.
Her hands covered mine on her face and she got up awkwardly to her knees, as much as her cast would allow. Her cast, the reminder of the most horrible day of my life, the day I almost lost her. Also the day I realized I couldn't exist without her. I let my thumb trail over her lips and they parted slightly under my cold touch, her eyes drooping slightly. I inched closer, not exactly sure how to go about this. I had kissed her before, but never a real kiss. I stopped myself right than and there. What am I thinking? I sounded like an 8th grader. A kiss was a kiss, it didn't have to be an open mouthed kiss to be a kiss.
I forced the thoughts away, focusing on the task at hand. All I hand to do was kiss her, it wasn't brain surgery. I never kissed anyone before, of course, but I did want to, I wanted to kiss Bella. Her arms snaked around my neck and she slid closer to me, her eyes still locked with mine. I saw the I held for her reflected in her deep chocolate eyes and I grinned slightly, wrapping my arms around her waist.
Our lips met clumsily, it was obvious we were both new at this. Her hands knotted in my hair, massaging my scalp gently. I opened my mouth slowly, unsure of myself. My tongue probed against her still closed lips, asking a silent permission to enter. Worry filled me when she hesitated, I was sure I took it to far, that this was not what she wanted, but than her lips parted for me and I slipped my tongue inside slowly. She tasted as good as she looked and smelled, I knew for a fact this was a heaven I did not deserve.
Than she did something I didn't expect. Her tongue met mine with more hesitation. I jerked my head back but her arms stayed around my neck, still our faces were only inches apart. She didn't let go of me.
"Why did you stop?"
"I'm not sure...I don't want to hurt you." Her hand grazed my cheek and petted my hair gently.
"Please just have some confidence in yourself, please just have some confidence in us." Her soft voice sent an electric current through me like she was a live wire. I couldn't deny her this one little request.
"I'm scared Bella, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever hurt you." She rested her head on my shoulder, much like our first time together in this same meadow.
"Please don't be sacred, I trust you so much Edward, don't you want to kiss me?" Her moist breathe warmed my neck and I shuddered slightly, she made me feel so good.
"I want to kiss you, of course, I just rather you be safe." She nuzzled my neck softly and planted a loving kiss on it. I stifled the moan that threatened to escape me, I wanted more of her lips on me, something I could never have.
"I am safe with you, I love you Edward." I couldn't take it anymore and I turned my head so our lips met, my tongue exploring her whole mouth all at once, her own dancing with mine softly. Her warm hands found my neck and I rubbed up and down her sides with my own. Her tongue forced it's way past mine to my own mouth. I returned my tongue to my mouth and sighed as her's explored mine. I was carful to cover my teeth with my lip slightly, they were still extremely dangerous. All to soon she stopped, planting one last firm kiss on my lips before returning to our awkward cuddle.
We didn't talk for what seemed like forever, still shocked by her boldness. Her soft voice penetrated my concentration.
"That was nice." I chuckled slightly at her comment, she was so innocent.
"Yes, it was, thank you." I had to thank her, thank her for loving me, thank her for trusting me, and thank her for accepting me. She didn't ask why I was thanking her, she didn't need to.
"Your welcome, and thank you as well." I nuzzled the top of her head with mine in the most human and loving way I knew how to.
"I love you Edward." Every time she said those words, I thought my head was going to explode. I could never understand how she could love someone like me. I stopped asking though, Bella seemed to find it depressing when I voiced my own views on myself. She even cried once when I told her how much I feared my past, how I considered myself a disgusting monster. Her tears soaked my shirt that night and I was so afraid I said something wrong.
'What's wrong Bella?'
'Edward, never say anything like that.'
'I thought I was supposed to tell you everything?'
'You are, and I am so glad you do, but you can not think stuff like that about yourself, you are not a monster, you are not disgusting, and your past is nothing to fear, everyone makes mistakes.'
'But why are you crying?'
'Because I love you and when someone sees themselves like that, it's sad.'
She taught me something that night. She taught me that it is possible to love someone for who they are. I smiled at the memory, relishing in the feeling of Bella's body resting against mine. She seemed so comfortable, like I was nothing more except a human man, and that was all I felt like. The sun was starting to set, ending yet another day. Twilight, I smiled slightly.
"I love you too Bella, I really do." The words weren't enough to explain just how much.